DEAR HARRIETTE: I lost my husband about 15 years ago. I know I should be past it by now, but I’m not. I have never met anybody who even holds a candle to him.

My husband was a wonderful man. He was kind and attentive. I’m not saying he was perfect, but he was perfect for me. Every time I date, I hold men up to my husband as the standard. They never win the contest. How can I learn to look at them for who they are? -- Missing My Man, Allegheny, Pennsylvania

DEAR MISSING MY MAN: People grieve at their own pace. Your feelings of loss about your husband are real and clearly continue to affect your ability to be fully in the present. Take some time to remember all that you cherish about your deceased husband. Give yourself space to honor his memory, and literally ask for his blessing to move on.

You may want to get professional support, too. A grief counselor may be able to help you disentangle your tendency to evaluate potential suitors based on your husband’s characteristics and your desire to hold on to his memory. You can have one without the other.

Regarding your male suitors, your job is to be in the moment. Stop looking for a replacement for your husband. Instead, enjoy the companionship before you. Look at the person who is with you and notice his good qualities. Pay attention to see if you two mesh and if you enjoy each other’s company. Stay attuned to what’s happening before your eyes, and choose not to bring your husband into the moment. You can do it.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My 12-year-old daughter asked if she could dye her hair. I know it is because several of her camp friends have colorful streaks in their hair, and she wants to be part of the group. My daughter has not asked to do anything trendy before. I’m inclined to allow her to do it because it seems benign enough. She is totally into fashion like her friends. As far as hair color goes, we could get a temporary wash or even one of those bottles where you can draw in streaks. Her friends have gone to the hair salon, but I don’t think that’s necessary. I have dyed my hair myself. I’m sure I can dye hers. Do you think I am being too indulgent? -- Pre-Teen Hair Dye, Meredith, New Hampshire

DEAR PRE-TEEN HAIR DYE: I’m with you. In fact, I allowed my daughter to dye her hair when she was your daughter’s age. It was fun and temporary and allowed her to feel a little grown up.

I will add that it damaged her hair a bit. Hair dye, even of the temporary variety, is drying. As with everything, there are pluses and minuses. You can help your daughter keep her hair moisturized as she explores, but let her have fun with it. As she grows up, she will have to make choices with her career in mind. For now, she’s a child. Let her have a little freedom.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My parents recently divorced after 25 years of marriage. It was an amicable split, which was nice for the family because it didn’t cause many problems. Now that they live separately, they both have their own, separate, family gatherings, and a lot of these gatherings fall on the same days. This had been tough for me because each parent thinks I should be at their party over the other’s. It’s getting to the point where I don’t want to go to either of them. I try to split up and spend time at both, but it’s never good enough. I try telling them, but they don’t listen to me. What do you think I should do? -- Annoyed Daughter, Seattle

DEAR ANNOYED DAUGHTER: While the divorce may have been amicable, the aftermath is at best unthoughtful as it relates to you. Tell them you need them to pick separate dates for events or take turns with holiday celebrations. Point out that if they continue to try to guilt you into being with one or the other of them, the result is that they will end up pushing you away from both of them. You may need to stay away for a few cycles of gatherings until they get the point.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m 21 years old, and I’m pregnant with my boyfriend's child. When I told him the news, he immediately freaked out and told me he wanted me to have an abortion. I couldn’t believe the way he reacted to the situation. I was scared and nervous when I found out, too, but I didn’t react the way he did. I know it’s scary, but I never even considered having an abortion. I want to keep the baby whether he wants to be in the picture or not. Given the way he reacted, how do you think I should tell him that I’m keeping the baby? -- 21 and Pregnant, Milwaukee

DEAR 21 AND PREGNANT: I believe in a woman’s right to choose, which includes choosing to keep a child. What you need to think through is how you will care for your baby. You cannot count on your boyfriend, though you should tell him that you intend to keep the child.

You need to figure out next steps. If you intend to raise the child, how will you be able to afford to take care of it? Do you have any support that you can count on? Do you have a job? What can you do to be able to manage? You have to be practical and realistic now.

If you do not have the support system you need, consider giving up your child for adoption. I know that this can be a stressful consideration, but there are reputable adoption agencies that do an excellent job of placing children with loving, capable families. Be still long enough to process your choices. Discuss them with your boyfriend and your family. Make an informed decision.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: We don’t have cubicles or private offices at my job -- more of an open area with desks arranged in pods. My “pod” consists of the five people on my team and me. The girl I sit directly next to brings her lunch each day. Now of course I don’t have a problem with her bringing in her lunch -- I pack mine every day -- but I have a problem with the smell of her lunch. I’m not sure what it is, but something that she brings turns me off. I can’t get used to it, and it has come to the point where the smell makes me nauseous and gives me a headache. I now take my lunch break outside of the office just to escape the smell. What do I do in this situation? I know it might just be me being sensitive, but I also don’t want to keep having to leave the office each time my team member eats her lunch! -- Dealing With a Smelly Lunch, Pittsburgh

DEAR DEALING WITH A SMELLY LUNCH: Why not speak to your co-worker? Tell her that you do not mean to be insensitive, but that there is an ingredient in her lunch that you think you are allergic to. Explain that whenever you smell it, you become ill. Admit that you leave the office at lunchtime because you keep getting sick. Ask her if she would help you to figure out what the ingredient is, and, if possible, not bring that to work anymore. There is a good chance that she has no idea that her lunch is bothering you. If you handle this discreetly, chances are she will try to accommodate your request.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I was at the bar the other night, and I saw my brother’s girlfriend cheating on him with some other guy. My brother and I are extremely close, but I don’t know how to tell him. He is so in love with his girlfriend, and this will absolutely break his heart. I know she didn’t see me. I want to tell my brother, but I think it should come from her. Do you think I should confront her and tell her that I saw her? -- Concerned Sister, Denver

DEAR CONCERNED SISTER: Your allegiance is to your brother. As hurt as he may be to learn about his girlfriend’s behavior, he will be more devastated to learn that you witnessed her cheating and said nothing. Tell your brother what you saw -- with no embellishments. Tell him where you were and describe who she was with. Do not try to reach any conclusions. Just report what you saw. It will be up to him to decide his next steps. Be prepared, by the way, for him to stay with his girlfriend. Do not judge him if he makes a choice that is different from what you think you might make.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)