DEAR HARRIETTE: The 10-year anniversary of my brother's death is coming up, and I want to do something special in his memory. He was 15 when one of his classmates shot up his school. My brother was in the wrong place at the wrong time. I still remember the day like it was yesterday; it was shocking. My mom and dad struggled a lot with his death, and I want to show them that he will always be with us. What is a meaningful thing to do on the anniversary of his death? -- Remembering My Brother, Chicago

DEAR REMEMBERING MY BROTHER: I am so sorry for your loss. Even though your brother left this world 10 years ago, I imagine that the wound still feels fresh. Given the tragic way your brother died, it would be impossible for you to have resolution about his death.

One thing you might consider at the 10-year anniversary is to establish a scholarship in your brother's name. It could be connected to his favorite sports club, his school or a college of his dreams. You can decide, but that is a wonderful way to have an ongoing memory of him that extends beyond the family.

If you want to do something smaller, consider hosting a family dinner where you present a photo album of photos and items that reflect your brother’s life. You can make the album yourself, or you can create it online and have it printed at a place like Walgreens, Costco or Shutterfly.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My daughter is leaving for the military soon, and I’m not ready to see her go. She has been assigned to Germany for eight months, where she will be studying and receiving training. I’m scared to let my little girl go so far away to a place where she’s never been -- and to the military, of all things, which is known to discriminate against women. How can I keep myself calm during this time in her life? -- Military Bound, Lexington, Kentucky

DEAR MILITARY BOUND: It is natural for you to feel anxious about your daughter going off to start her independent life, which is exacerbated by her choice being the military. The good news is that the military is very disciplined, which should be good for your daughter in terms of developing skills that will support her life. She will grow stronger and more focused.

In terms of discrimination against women, sadly, many governmental and private industry organizations still struggle with prejudiced practices that need to be addressed. The good news is that the military is making an effort to be more equitable in the way that it treats its members. Talk to your daughter about being cautious and aware of her surroundings. Encourage her to step into her training fully so that she can learn everything and have a full, dynamic experience. It is time for you to let her go and for her to start living her life independent of you.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I want to be an artist because it’s one of the things that helps me express myself. My mother says to follow my dream, but my father thinks it’s a hobby that won’t help me financially. I somewhat agree with him, but it is my passion and I don’t want to look back on my life and regret not following through. Is there a way to be an artist as well as have a job? -- Loving the Arts, Minneapolis

DEAR LOVING THE ARTS: Yes, it is possible to be an artist and have a job. The easiest way is to go to college for an arts education. If you get a degree so that you can be a teacher, you can literally make art and teach others how to make it as well. Many fine artists who have created strong careers for themselves are also teachers; it can take a long time to earn enough money to take care of yourself by selling your art.

There are many great art schools in the country. To be accepted, you will need to create a portfolio of your best work that illustrates your talent, creativity and commitment to developing your art. Go for it!

DEAR HARRIETTE: I was at a party the other night and had a little too much to drink. Some of the people there were asking me about my past, and I told them about the man I was in love with years ago. All I said was that I used to be in love with him; nothing ever happened between us. I have been married for many years and we are doing just fine, but it was obvious that there’s still something there between me and this other guy. I keep those feelings to myself, but my loose lips messed me up this time. I’m afraid that the women I was talking to might bring this up again or even say something to my husband. Should I just let it go? What do I do or say if they bring up my revelation again? -- Big Mouth, Seattle

DEAR BIG MOUTH: Too many people have spilled their secrets after one too many drinks. You have just officially joined the crowd. If you have never done anything except remember your torch from years back and say it out loud, you should be OK. Play out the scenarios in your head. If the women you were talking to told your husband, what would you say? You could start with the truth: You were in love with this guy back in the day, and you remembered it when you were talking with these women about your past.

What you shouldn’t do is bring it up again with the women or anybody else. Instead, bury that torch and focus on the life you have built with your husband. The two of you deserve your full focus and love. If your commitment to your husband is strong, this blunder shouldn’t matter.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I belong to a boat club, and I see the same people every summer. One guy who has been part of the community for years came back this season as always, but he looked thin and unhealthy. My husband finally asked him what was up and learned that he had cancer. He has subsequently died. We are so sad about this. None of us knew he was ill, and he didn’t mention it to our friend group. He wasn’t old. He was like most of us, in his early 50s.

I’m not quite sure what to do now. I want to show my respect. We know his family a little bit, but we only hung out at the club. His mother is still living. Would it seem odd to reach out to her? I met her once before. -- Losing a Friend, Washington, D.C.

DEAR LOSING A FRIEND: I am so sorry for your loss. It can seem odd and off-putting to lose a friendly acquaintance whom you see only once a year. Those bonds that you form during your summer fun are meaningful, and the loss cuts deeply.

You should reach out to your friend’s mother and let her know how saddened you are that her son is gone. Check to see if you can be of help in any way that you can manage. She will appreciate it. You may also want to hold a memorial service at your club to acknowledge this man’s passing.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My 14-year-old daughter’s best friend wears provocative clothing all the time. She is tall and thin and often wears short shorts or mini-dresses and high heels. I think it’s because she has an older sister and wants to compete with her. In the end, it’s hard for me to let my daughter hang out with her. I don’t let my daughter dress like that. I’m no prude, but I teach her about modesty. It seems like this other girl’s parents just let her do whatever she wants. I do tell my daughter when I think her friend is dressed inappropriately, but I wonder if I should say something to her parents. -- Too Provocative, Dallas

DEAR TOO PROVOCATIVE: Your daughter is at an impressionable age, yes, but she still has your guidance and support. I wouldn’t ban her from hanging out with this girl. If she believes she is her best friend, she will likely try to spend time with her anyway. You should continue telling your daughter what the boundaries of appropriateness are in your house. Be careful not to judge her friend. Just say what your guidelines are and where you draw the line.

In terms of telling the friend’s parents, be careful. It is likely that they know what their daughter is wearing and have allowed it. You have influence over your daughter. Stay focused on her.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)