DEAR HARRIETTE: I belong to a boat club, and I see the same people every summer. One guy who has been part of the community for years came back this season as always, but he looked thin and unhealthy. My husband finally asked him what was up and learned that he had cancer. He has subsequently died. We are so sad about this. None of us knew he was ill, and he didn’t mention it to our friend group. He wasn’t old. He was like most of us, in his early 50s.

I’m not quite sure what to do now. I want to show my respect. We know his family a little bit, but we only hung out at the club. His mother is still living. Would it seem odd to reach out to her? I met her once before. -- Losing a Friend, Washington, D.C.

DEAR LOSING A FRIEND: I am so sorry for your loss. It can seem odd and off-putting to lose a friendly acquaintance whom you see only once a year. Those bonds that you form during your summer fun are meaningful, and the loss cuts deeply.

You should reach out to your friend’s mother and let her know how saddened you are that her son is gone. Check to see if you can be of help in any way that you can manage. She will appreciate it. You may also want to hold a memorial service at your club to acknowledge this man’s passing.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My 14-year-old daughter’s best friend wears provocative clothing all the time. She is tall and thin and often wears short shorts or mini-dresses and high heels. I think it’s because she has an older sister and wants to compete with her. In the end, it’s hard for me to let my daughter hang out with her. I don’t let my daughter dress like that. I’m no prude, but I teach her about modesty. It seems like this other girl’s parents just let her do whatever she wants. I do tell my daughter when I think her friend is dressed inappropriately, but I wonder if I should say something to her parents. -- Too Provocative, Dallas

DEAR TOO PROVOCATIVE: Your daughter is at an impressionable age, yes, but she still has your guidance and support. I wouldn’t ban her from hanging out with this girl. If she believes she is her best friend, she will likely try to spend time with her anyway. You should continue telling your daughter what the boundaries of appropriateness are in your house. Be careful not to judge her friend. Just say what your guidelines are and where you draw the line.

In terms of telling the friend’s parents, be careful. It is likely that they know what their daughter is wearing and have allowed it. You have influence over your daughter. Stay focused on her.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband and I have two kids, both under age 10. My husband works a full-time job, and I am a part-time artist. We spend any free time we have with our children and have a close bond with them.

Next month, my husband has a business conference in the Bahamas. I was invited to go along, but we would have to leave our kids behind. If I go, it would be the first trip without our kids since they were born. Part of me wants to go to spend quality time with my husband, but the other part of me feels an immense amount of guilt for leaving my two kids alone for a week. Both of our moms live nearby and have offered to help. What do you think I should do? -- Mom Wants a Vacation, Chicago

DEAR MOM WANTS A VACATION: This sounds like a gift to both of you. Go for it! It’s not like you are going away for a month or that you are leaving your children with strangers. You have everything in place to be able to have a little getaway without guilt.

Will your children be upset at first? Probably. But chances are, they will quickly begin to enjoy their time with the grandmothers. If you are concerned that the grandmothers could use some support, arrange for a baby sitter that you already use to be on call or scheduled to help each day.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My older sister attacked me; this isn’t the first time, either. She has always had this grudge against me because she thinks I’m the favorite child. All I do is be there for her and show her I love her. I even got her a job. She was happy at first when I helped her get the job at the restaurant I work at, but now she’s asking to take my hours, and I told her I need them to save money for an internship I want to do in Europe. She yelled at me, saying I’m selfish and don’t care about her; I don’t understand why she would say that.

I’ve realized her emotions switch quickly, and I'm afraid she has some type of personality disorder. How can I suggest she see someone about her emotions? -- Concerned Sister, Santa Monica, California

DEAR CONCERNED SISTER: If your parents are still living and involved in your life, now would be a time to enlist their support. It’s likely that your sister will lash out at you when you confront her, so moral support for both of you is advisable. In terms of the job, be clear with your boss what hours you need, and let your sister pave her own way. Don’t make excuses for her, though. You don’t want her behavior to cost you your job.

When you are away from the job, have a heart-to-heart with your sister. Tell her how concerned you are that she is behaving erratically. Point out specifics, including when she recently attacked you. Suggest that she may have some issues she should deal with, based upon the behavior you have been noticing. Tell her you don’t want her to lose her job or her relationships, but if she continues the way she’s going, bad things are likely to happen.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My mom recently passed away. I didn’t expect her to die so early in my life. I’m going through her things, and so many memories of my childhood are coming to mind. We used to do everything together when I was growing up, but when I got older, things changed. My whole life became about my kids, husband and job, and I didn’t get to see her as much. I talked to her on the phone often, but I visited her only a few times a year.

I feel guilty about not visiting my mom as much as my other siblings, but life becomes busy. How do I get over this feeling of guilt? -- Too Busy for Mom, Atlanta

DEAR TOO BUSY FOR MOM: To the best of your ability, work to remember your mother without regretting what you did not do with her. There is absolutely nothing you can do about the past. Part of life includes the stages of building your own family and career. Many adult children naturally devote less time to their parents because they are focused on the day-to-day of their lives. Be grateful that you did talk to your mother frequently and that you visited her when you could. Be thankful as well that your siblings were able to spend time with her. It sounds like there is no question that your mother felt fully loved.

Now, as part of your healing process, you must forgive yourself for whatever you did not do for or with your mother. What you may want to do is spend more time with your siblings and their families. In this way, you help to keep the family bond tight even after your mother has passed on.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My girlfriend is moving to New York City to pursue her modeling career. I am so proud of her and want her to go because her agency thinks that she may be able to be booked by some big fashion shows -- even the Victoria's Secret fashion show, which is a great way to make a name for herself. But I’m scared that I’m going to lose her since I’m staying Los Angeles. How can I keep things going strong from far away? -- Uneasy Boyfriend, Los Angeles

DEAR UNEASY BOYFRIEND: There is always a chance that a long-distance relationship won't work, no matter what the reason is for the distance. If your girlfriend becomes a successful model, she won’t have a ton of free time on her hands because the business can be extremely demanding. If you two stay connected, albeit from afar, you might be able to go the distance. The biggest change may end up being what she is exposed to possibly shifting her interests. Only time will tell, but you are right to encourage her to pursue her dreams.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)