DEAR HARRIETTE: My best friend is in a coma, and his pregnant wife and unborn child are dead.

My best friend "Jose" and his wife were so excited for their baby girl to join the world -- they even had a baby shower last weekend. They were driving to their doctor’s appointment when another car hit theirs, and their car flipped. His mother called me and told me to go to the hospital immediately, where I found out the news. I’m so heartbroken. How do things like this happen? My best friend's wife's funeral is in a few days, and I can’t get myself to go. Does this make me a bad person? -- Heartbroken, Stamford, Connecticut

DEAR HEARTBROKEN: As hard as it is for you to drum up the fortitude to attend the funeral, please do it. It will mean so much to their extended family for you to be there. Believe it or not, it will also mean a lot to you -- if not now, down the line. You are in shock. This is devastating news. Ask a friend or loved one to go to the funeral with you to support you through this difficult time.

As you honor the lives of your friend’s wife and unborn child, stay connected to him. Pray that he will come through. Go to visit him. Stay in touch with his family. If he does awaken, he will need your loving attention for what will surely be a challenging journey to wellness.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My baby daddy is living with me and our son. He doesn’t help at all, while I work two jobs and attend Queensborough College. He doesn't work and goes out whenever he wants. I’ve tried talking to him about finding something to do, but that conversation always ends with things being broken or me being hit. He doesn’t pay any attention to our son, and it breaks my heart; all my son wants is his father’s attention. I think it’s time to kick him out of the house because he is toxic. How do I get him out of my house without violence? -- Mommy in Danger, Brooklyn, New York

DEAR MOMMY IN DANGER: This is one of those times when you probably need the support of law enforcement. If your son’s father already gets violent with you whenever you mention him accepting more responsibility, asking him to move out is sure to create an incendiary situation. My recommendation is that you ask one of your family members and an officer from your local precinct to be present when you invite him to move out. You can apologize for being so extreme in your actions, but explain to him that it is because of his previous violent behavior with you. You will likely need to stay in touch with the local police to ensure that you are protected from your boyfriend should he try to come back.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband got arrested last week while we were at home. He stole money from his company. Now it’s all over the news, and I’m worried about how my son and daughter are dealing with their dad being locked up. So far, the sentencing offer is for 10 years, but our lawyer is trying to bring that down. If he can’t, my kids won’t have their dad around. How will I be able to raise my kids alone? -- Distraught Mom, Wilmington, Delaware

DEAR DISTRAUGHT MOM: Having your husband stripped away from the family is devastating. The reason makes it all the worse -- because of his illegal actions. Your children will have a tough time managing, especially in the beginning, given that your husband is suddenly not in the household. They will likely be ridiculed by their peers because of the public nature of his arrest.

In the midst of it all, your job is to keep them grounded and focused on being responsible citizens and students. It will be helpful for them to get psychological support -- you, too -- to help manage their lives through this period. Check with your children’s pediatrician for referrals. Your house of worship may provide support as well. In addition, the United States government has a wealth of resources to help children of incarcerated parents, from literature to support groups. To learn more, visit youth.gov/youth-topics/children-of-incarcerated-parents.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My father is making me marry an older married man whom I have met only once. He is from Cameroon, my home country, and stuck on the old ways of wedding arrangements. My father also has more than one wife, but I don’t want to live like that. It is the 21st century, and I want to be free to follow my dreams. My father thinks I should be married and secure.

There is no way I am going to marry this man; I do not love him, nor do I know him. How can I convince my father that this is a bad idea? It is not our way to talk back to adults, but I have to say something. Muslim law does not require me to marry this man, but my father wants me to. -- Holding My Own, Bronx, New York

DEAR HOLDING MY OWN: You come from a culture whose tradition is for the parents to choose the spouse of their child, especially their daughters. You are now in America and wanting to follow a different path. The best way for you to maintain your ability to choose without completely severing ties with your father is to tread lightly.

Request to talk to your father. Tell him that you appreciate the fact that he wants to protect you and make sure that you are provided for. Thank him for trying to sort out your future. Then tell him that you appreciate the opportunity you have had to be educated in the U.S. and to be exposed to so much opportunity. Tell your father you want to pursue a career now and marry later -- and you want to marry someone who is younger and whom you know. Ask for his blessing for you to wait to be married. If he ignores you, push back and tell him you do not want to marry the man in question. You are sorry, but you cannot do that.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m a 20-year-old virgin. I’m not ashamed of it, and it’s not because of religious values -- I just have not found the right person I want to share the experience with. My friends tease me about it and tell me to just do it already, but I just don’t want to. I tell my friends that I’m waiting around until I find the right guy I want to do it with, but how will I know he is the right guy? Do you think I am doing the right thing, or should I follow what my friends are saying and just “do it already"? -- Debating Celibacy, Richmond, Virginia

DEAR DEBATING CELIBACY: It is refreshing to know that there still are young women out there who are remaining celibate for sound reasons. I celebrate you for holding out until you meet the one. I believe that sexual intimacy should be reserved for a loving, committed relationship. It is such an intimate act that it should be considered sacred -- or at least special.

I know that plenty of people do not agree with me, but I am glad that you do. Since your friends are mocking you and urging you to follow in their footsteps, the best thing you can do is to stop answering their questions. You should not succumb to their prompting. Take your time and trust that you will meet the right guy at some point in the future.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m 22 years old and have been dating my boyfriend for over three years. We met in college, and he is the love of my life. Our relationship is very serious, and I know that he is the man I am going to spend the rest of my life with. We have been talking about moving in together in the upcoming months. The problem is, my family is very conservative and does not condone moving in with a significant other before marriage. I know that I am going to marry him, so this shouldn’t be a problem, but in my family, it is. Do you think it’s wrong of me to move in with him before getting married? -- Confused and in Love, Dallas

DEAR CONFUSED AND IN LOVE: I grew up in a household like yours. My father forbade me to live with a man before marriage. I almost made it to that point. We moved in together a short time before marriage. My father was angry, too. He got over it -- eventually. One reason that parents shun living together is because it is not considered a full commitment, and it is not a sanctified one.

That said, what do you and your boyfriend think? Have you talked about marriage? Have you expressly made that commitment to each other for the future? While you may not fully follow your parents’ rules, you should get to a point of clarity with your boyfriend about your intentions before you decide to move in together.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)