DEAR HARRIETTE: I am getting married in three months in Napa Valley, California, at a beautiful vineyard. As I was going over the guest list with my mother, she told me that she won't attend if my father goes. My parents got divorced because my father came out the closet and ended up leaving her for another man.

My mother has never forgiven my father for leaving her, but I was hoping she would drop the bad blood for my wedding. She will not budge. I’ve expressed how much it would mean to me to have her there on my special day because she’s always been there for me, but she's having a hard time putting her pride aside. I want both my parents there, but I'm not sure how I can change my mother's mind. -- Mama's Boy, Detroit

DEAR MAMA’S BOY: Weddings can be hard for families. When parents are divorced, it can get prickly. In your situation, the prickles are pretty sharp! Still, this wedding needs to be about you and your partner. Your job is to talk to both of your parents and encourage them to be there to support the beginning of your journey into married life. Explain how important family is to you, even though your parents are no longer attached to each other. Appeal to your mother directly: Tell her how sad you will be not to have her at your side. Remind her how much you love her -- and your father. If your father is not married, ask him to come solo so as not to rub his relationship in your mother’s face.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am upset that my mom is making me move from Los Angeles to Arizona. I don’t want to leave LA, but my parents just finalized their divorce. I can't stay with my father because he is always going on business trips, and they both agree that me being alone all the time would not be in my best interest. They feel that it's best that I live with my mom, but my whole life is here, and starting at a new school going into my junior year of high school is going to be the worst.

Being away from my dad is going to be hard because he already doesn’t spend that much time with me due to his business travel. If I move with my mom, I feel like I’ll never get to see him. It seems like I’m irrelevant to him, and I wish I could talk to him about how I feel, but I'm not sure how to approach him. -- Hesitant to Move, Los Angeles

DEAR HESITANT TO MOVE: Now is the time to speak up. Request a face-to-face meeting with him. Let him know how much you wish you could spend more time with him and your concerns about becoming more distant if you move with your mother. One solution might be to ask him if he can commit to FaceTime with you every week -- starting now -- and a certain number of visits per year. You have to be the one with the plan, as it’s possible that the reason for the divorce is that he was never around.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am 18 years old, and I am currently one month pregnant. The only people who know are my friends, my boyfriend and his parents. I have been keeping it a secret from my family. My parents are from Kenya and are very traditional people, which is why I can’t get myself to tell them about my pregnancy. My family doesn’t believe in abortion, but I’m not opposed to it -- I am so young and have my future to think about.

My boyfriend and his family said they are fully on my side, no matter what I decide, but they think I should inform my parents. I’m scared to disappoint my family because I know they wanted more for me, but they will not support my decision to have an abortion if that’s what I want. I'm unsure of what to do now. Should I tell them, or should I take care of this on my own? -- Confused, Dallas

DEAR CONFUSED: First, you need to make up your mind about what you want to do. I realize how difficult this decision is for many people, including you. I believe in the right for women to choose. That said, I also believe that life is sacred. A pregnancy should be taken seriously and contemplated fully before you make any decision. You need to be clear in your head and heart about what you want and what you can manage.

Out of respect for your parents, it would be thoughtful to tell them; however, if you believe you are going to have an abortion and you think it would crush them, it may be kinder to keep it to yourself. In this case, you should assess whether your boyfriend’s parents will be willing to not get involved and keep it a secret. I know how tough this moment is for you. Be reflective and consider your life. Talk to your boyfriend and play out different scenarios. Pray on it, too. Then decide. You don’t have much time.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My mother has criticized everything I’ve done since I turned 13. Now I’m 35 years old, and she still tries to tell me what to do. She tells me that my life’s a mess and that I should lose weight. She also tells me how to raise my children. I’m a grown woman, and she makes me feel like a child. Whenever I think I’m doing something good, my mother makes me feel the complete opposite. I value her opinion a lot, but it’s getting to be too much. How do I change her before I completely push her out of my life? -- At an Impasse, Denver

DEAR AT AN IMPASSE: Take a step back and evaluate your life. Think about the things your mother has said to you and, to the best of your ability, consider each one. Do you need to lose weight? Are her points about your child-rearing relevant? If she is giving you good advice but you don’t like the way she is delivering the message, tell her as much. Explain that it’s hard for you to take her suggestions when it feels like she’s criticizing you all the time. Tell her you respect her opinion, but you need to stand on your own two feet -- with her support, but not her judgment.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am not currently in a relationship, but I was wondering about them. My best friend and her boyfriend are currently “on a break.” When I asked her what that meant, she summed it up as she and her boyfriend are allowed to see other people, but they are still in communication. As soon as I heard this, I was confused. Why would you want to continue talking to your partner, yet see other people? Doesn’t that mean your feelings for that person aren’t there or strong anymore, so you want to see other people? I don't understand this relationship status, and I wanted to hear what your perspective on this is. -- They Are on a Break, New Orleans

DEAR THEY ARE ON A BREAK: You should be confused. This type of "taking a break" usually leads to the end of a relationship. At the very least, it typically leads to hurt feelings and lack of intimacy. While your friend may feel that this is what she needs or wants to do, I do not recommend it. It’s best to create a clean break when you decide to end a relationship, or work together through your problems to see if you have a future.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My friend "Mia’s" dad called me today telling me she dropped out of school and that he believes she is anorexic. He shared that he was worried about her because in the past few weeks she hasn’t been eating and has lost a lot of weight. He asked if I could watch her and make sure she’s OK, and I agreed.

Mia and I hung out at the park, and I could see how thin she looked and how depressed she’s been. I tried to make her happy by talking about our good times and constantly complimenting her. I’m not exactly sure how I can help her realize that there is nothing wrong with her. She’s beautiful just the way she is. How do I deal with this new responsibility her father has given me? -- Helping a Friend, Syracuse, New York

DEAR HELPING A FRIEND: You cannot accept the responsibility of ensuring that your friend is OK. If Mia is depressed or has anorexia, these are medical conditions that require specialized care. It is not possible for you to keep her safe. You can, however, stay close to her and let her know that she has a friend. What you need to know is that Mia does have something wrong with her if she is not eating and seeming depressed. That is not normal. Don’t tell her it is. Instead, tell her the truth: You are worried about her, that it looks like she hasn’t been eating and that she seems sad. Ask her if she wants to talk about what’s going on.

Just be clear within yourself that you cannot heal her. You can listen. You can also let her father know what you learn. But also tell him that you can only be her friend. You cannot take care of her.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)