DEAR HARRIETTE: I am getting married in three months in Napa Valley, California, at a beautiful vineyard. As I was going over the guest list with my mother, she told me that she won't attend if my father goes. My parents got divorced because my father came out the closet and ended up leaving her for another man.
My mother has never forgiven my father for leaving her, but I was hoping she would drop the bad blood for my wedding. She will not budge. I’ve expressed how much it would mean to me to have her there on my special day because she’s always been there for me, but she's having a hard time putting her pride aside. I want both my parents there, but I'm not sure how I can change my mother's mind. -- Mama's Boy, Detroit
DEAR MAMA’S BOY: Weddings can be hard for families. When parents are divorced, it can get prickly. In your situation, the prickles are pretty sharp! Still, this wedding needs to be about you and your partner. Your job is to talk to both of your parents and encourage them to be there to support the beginning of your journey into married life. Explain how important family is to you, even though your parents are no longer attached to each other. Appeal to your mother directly: Tell her how sad you will be not to have her at your side. Remind her how much you love her -- and your father. If your father is not married, ask him to come solo so as not to rub his relationship in your mother’s face.