DEAR HARRIETTE: My father recently passed away, and his death has been hard on me. Growing up, we always talked about the future and what it will bring. Everything I have done in my life has been to make my father proud. I was his only daughter, and he wanted nothing but the absolute best for me. He always told me that doctors make good money and I should continue to work hard to be one someday. I am a successful orthopedist, and I am very proud of how far I’ve come.

A few days ago, the realization finally hit me: I have done everything for my dad to make him happy. Making him happy made me happy, but since he is no longer here, finding my own happiness has been difficult. How can I become happy with myself and live for myself from here on out? -- On My Own, Minneapolis

DEAR ON MY OWN: Your father laid a tremendous foundation for you that inspired you to be your best. You will forever have his love living in your heart, which should help in different ways to ease the pain of losing him.

Now is the time for you to remind yourself that you are prepared to live on your own and fulfill the dreams that you and your father had for your life. You don’t necessarily have to think of his loss as you being totally alone. Your father’s spirit will always be with you. You can think of this as the next chapter of your journey.

Make a list of the things you enjoy doing -- for work and for pleasure. Who are the people you enjoy the most? Schedule quality time with them. Expand your circle of friends. Try new activities. You may also want to see a bereavement counselor to get advice on how to handle your father’s death. You can find them at your house of worship or through your primary care physician.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m worried that my best friend may be too loosey-goosey when it comes to money. A couple of weeks ago, we went shopping to pick up some silverware for my new apartment. Once I was at the register, she came up to me with about 10 items in her hand ready to buy. She is a shopaholic, and it is getting out of control. Her house looks like a storage unit with the number of packages lying around from her reckless online shopping. I’m afraid that she is tossing her money out the door and swiping her credit card like there’s no tomorrow. I tried advising her, but she always shuts me down.

I want my friend to be able to save her money so that she can buy her dream car and finish paying her college loans. How can I get her to understand the importance of saving? -- Spendthrift Friend, Dallas

DEAR SPENDTHRIFT FRIEND: You can’t force your friend to change, but you can stop enabling her. Don’t invite her to go shopping with you, and tell her why. Explain that you refuse to be party to her reckless behavior. Suggest that she check out Debtors Anonymous, where she may learn some strategies on how to curb her spending.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I'm a girl’s camp supervisor, and lately things have been getting a little weird at our campsite. There have been rumors about a potential threat on our site, and it has put a lot of us supervisors on alert. We hold events most weekends in the spring and through the summer. Our job is to look after our kids and return them safe and sound to their parents at the end of the weekend, but our kids have been getting worried and too afraid to show up for camp. I don’t want them to be alarmed, but I also don’t know how to bring up such a harsh topic to 10-year-olds. What should I do? -- On Alert, Richmond, Virginia

DEAR ON ALERT: Your first responsibility is to research the threat thoroughly so that you can be clear about what the concern is. Figure that out with the camp leadership. Determine how you will safeguard the children and what measures they should be told to take to ensure their safety. Next, the parents need to be contacted so that they are fully informed about whatever the threat is. Even if it is a baseless threat, parents should be informed and told what you have done to verify its existence or lack thereof. Explain to the parents how you will protect their daughters when they come to camp.

You will have some parents choose to pull their children out of the camp, but many will stay if they feel that you have taken the proper steps to keep their children safe.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My boyfriend and I have been together for three years now, and he still hasn't proposed. I feel like it's time to settle down and have kids, but I know that he doesn't feel the same way. I want take my chances and propose. My best friend and I just went to a jewelry store to pick up this lovely ring that I think my boyfriend will love.

Last night, my boyfriend brought up the fact that he loves how slow our relationship is going. I want to get engaged, but now I feel like we will never be on the same page. Should I go ahead with the proposal? -- At a Crossroads, Shreveport, Louisiana

DEAR AT A CROSSROADS: You just said yourself that you “know that he doesn’t feel the same way.” Shoving a ring at him -- no matter how beautifully you package it -- will not likely change his mind. In fact, it could make for an extremely awkward moment followed by hurt feelings. I do not recommend that you propose and present the ring.

Talk to him about your ideas about the future and how you would like it to unfold. You can tell him that you would like to discuss the idea that he just mentioned, namely that he enjoys how slowly things are going in your relationship. Ask him exactly what he means by that. Do not assume that you understand. Let him articulate his feelings. Then ask him to listen to your feelings. Tell him that you want to get married soon, and you would like to marry him. Ask him how he feels about that. Hear whatever he says, because he will be telling you his truth.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: Growing up has been difficult for me, as I have been suffering with low self-esteem for a long time. My nose has never been flattering, and kids made fun of it during elementary school. I have been saving up for five years, and I finally have enough money to get a nose job. Since I don’t have any close friends, I asked my mother to come with me to the doctor’s office to get a consultation. She has agreed, but she doesn't understand why I am so self-conscious about it. How can I get her understand my decision? -- Bad Nose, Westchester, New York

DEAR BAD NOSE: Share with your mother the things that people have said to you over the years and how those comments have made you feel. Speaking your truth may be therapeutic for you as well. I understand your mother’s question, by the way. The truth is, a nose job is no guarantee that you will suddenly have higher self-esteem. You have to work at that, no matter what. I recommend that you start saying affirmations to yourself about your good qualities -- your intelligence, your kindness, your thriftiness (you have saved a lot of money!) and any other qualities that you can name. Reminding yourself of your value and surrounding yourself with others who support you are key to building a positive view of yourself.

If you truly want the nose job, go for it. But be clear that working on your inner self is what will help you to feel your best.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I just got a job at a bank -- my dream job.

Right away, I made the biggest mistake in my career: I miscounted money that I was giving to a customer and gave the customer $200 more than they had asked for. It was a rookie mistake. I should have double-checked the money, but I didn’t. Instead of telling my boss, I changed the total amount in the system to cover my mistake until I came up with a better plan. I told my co-worker my situation, and instead of having my back, she told our manager about it. My manager fired me on the spot, and now my career in finance is officially ruined. How can I plead my case and talk my way into getting my job back? -- Mismanaged Money, Boston

DEAR MISMANAGED MONEY: This is a tough one, not so much because you miscounted and gave away too much money, but because you lied about it and attempted to cover it up. Your integrity is in question, and that is a very difficult thing to repair.

Speak to your former boss, apologize and admit that you know you made a huge mistake. Tell him what you were planning, which, I assume, was to find a way to put the money back in the next day. Confess that you realize your plan was not appropriate, that you panicked and that you are terribly sorry. Ask for a second chance. If that doesn't work, you can ask your boss to not badmouth you to future employers if they call for a reference check.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)