life

Middle Schooler Need Not Tolerate Mean Friends

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | May 19th, 2018 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: My middle school daughter is going through it. She is a happy, confident, strong young lady. She is also a very good student. Her problems are coming from her closest friends. There are three girls who have been her tight buddies for years, but recently they have been particularly mean to my daughter. They do things together and do not include her. They no longer wait for her at lunchtime so they can eat together. Occasionally, they show up as if nothing ever happened, but they snub her a lot.

Naturally, my daughter is hurt. She thought these girls were her best friends, only to discover that they only like her sometimes now. What can I do or say to her to help her through this difficult time? -- My Daughter Is Devastated, Seattle

DEAR MY DAUGHTER IS DEVASTATED: Sadly, mean-girl behavior is all too common during the middle school years in particular. What you can do is remind your daughter of how much you love and support her. Be an attentive listener so that you stay up on what's going on without prying too much. Suggest that she expand her friend group. Who else in her class or grade can she spend time with? She should open her eyes and look at her classmates differently. There may be girls right there who would like to spend time with her.

Encourage your daughter to participate in extracurricular activities outside of school so that she can build more relationships. If these girls continue to be mean and rude, she can decide to walk away from them entirely. If they don't treat her with respect, she needs to know that she does not have to keep them in her life.

life

Sense & Sensitivity for May 19, 2018

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | May 19th, 2018 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband and I are celebrating a big anniversary this year, and I really wanted to host a dance party for us because we love to dance together. The reality is that I can't do that. I have been working part-time for a couple of years, and honestly we can't afford to throw any kind of party. It's getting close to the date, and I really want to do something special for my husband. We have been through so much, and it would mean a lot for us to be able to celebrate. Do you have any suggestions? -- Anniversary on a Budget, Denver

DEAR ANNIVERSARY ON A BUDGET: Congratulations on your many years of marriage. Now it's time to get creative. You want to dance for your big day? You can still do that. You may not be able to host a huge party, but you can choose a nightclub in your city and invite your friends to join you there that evening to dance. If your home has enough room, you can host a small dance party right there and just turn up the music.

Beyond dancing, you can schedule a gathering with a few of your closest friends. You can have it at home or at a friend's home. This could be a dessert-only party, which could help you cut down on expenses. Finally, you can go out to a nice dinner with your husband, just the two of you, where you reminisce about your life together.

(Harriette Cole is a life stylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

life

Girlfriend Never Looks up From Her Screens

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | May 18th, 2018 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: In today's world, social media and technology are a big part of everybody's life, especially my girlfriend's. She is constantly attached to her phone or watching shows on her laptop. I understand that there are important matters that need to be attended to on her devices, but I want her to enjoy living in the moment more and appreciate the things around her, not just her phone.

Another big issue I have with her and technology is the fact that she loves publicizing our relationship. Sometimes I feel as if the things we do are purely for an Instagram picture. How do I help my girlfriend reduce her technology usage? -- Technology-Addicted Girlfriend, Raleigh, North Carolina

DEAR TECHNOLOGY-ADDICTED GIRLFRIEND: In this day and age, it seems impossible to have privacy. Most people are attached to their electronic devices in one way or another. That does not mean you should give your girlfriend a pass. As it relates to posts about the two of you and your relationship, you need to talk to her and establish boundaries around what is OK for her to post. This may mean she has to get your nod before she posts a photo or shares a detail about your life together. What probably won't work is asking her to post nothing at all about you, since this brings her joy.

As far as your girlfriend's inability to separate herself from her devices, what you may be able to do is lure her away here and there. Plan outdoor activities where you visit beautiful locations, dine at interesting restaurants, engage with other people. Ask her to put her device away for most of these experiences. When you reach a gorgeous vista, encourage her to pull out her phone to take a photo -- then put it away again. Same for shooting a delicious-looking meal. Do your best to help manage her device engagement. Sometimes you may need to be stern and demand that she give you some solo time, devoid of any social media connection.

life

Sense & Sensitivity for May 18, 2018

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | May 18th, 2018 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: My ex-husband recently moved to London for his job. My son and I are still living in New York. This summer, we have all agreed that my son, who is 16, will spend the summer with his father in London. I am not nervous about being apart from him, or him being in London, because I know my ex will take just as good care of him as I would.

For some reason, though, the one thing that I am totally freaked out about is letting my son travel alone. I hear all these horror stories about children traveling alone and predators abducting them. Is this an irrational fear I have? Do you have any tips on how to reduce my anxiety about this? -- Mother Nervous About Son Flying Alone, New York City

DEAR MOTHER NERVOUS ABOUT SON FLYING ALONE: The good news is that most airlines offer a companion service for minors who are traveling alone. Usually, for about $150 you can have a flight attendant look out for your son while he is on the plane and until he is united with his father. This process can provide tremendous relief. Your teenager will still have a bit of independence, but an adult will be watching over him.

(Harriette Cole is a life stylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

life

Job Seeker Applies at Family Friend's Company

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | May 17th, 2018 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am currently in the process of seeking and applying for jobs. I came across an entry-level position that fits my interests and skills perfectly, and that I think I am very qualified for. When I looked more into the job, I realized it was at a company the dad of one of my friends works for. In fact, he doesn't just work for the company; he is the CEO of it.

I am wondering if it would be overstepping my place to ask my friend to speak to her dad for me, or even just give me the OK to reach out to him. Do you think this falls under the umbrella of mixing business with pleasure? Will it make the relationship with my friend a little awkward? -- Am I Overstepping My Place?, Milwaukee

DEAR AM I OVERSTEPPING MY PLACE?: You said you feel qualified for this job. If you think you are a match for the company, you can feel confident with your next steps. Think about your friend. Do you believe she will feel comfortable putting in a good word for you? If so, go ahead and say something to her. On the flip side, if you question whether this will create an awkward moment, go solo.

Schedule the interview, and if you do see your friend's father, be sure to speak to him and let him know how much you would like to work for the company. Keep it professional, making it clear to him what you know about the job and why you are a good match. Of course, if he knows that you and his daughter are friends, mention that -- not to ask for a favor, just as a fact.

After the interview, be sure to let your friend know that you interviewed at her father's company so that she isn't caught flat-footed. You can tell her your thoughts. If you would like to work there, by all means make that known to her and to the company.

life

Sense & Sensitivity for May 17, 2018

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | May 17th, 2018 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: My boyfriend and I are both about to finish graduate school. We attend different universities in New York City. My graduation is a week before my boyfriend's. On my graduation weekend, my boyfriend had previously agreed to attend a bachelor party in Las Vegas, so he is unable to attend my graduation ceremony. This made me really upset and has created a lot of arguments between him and me. I don't want to sound petty, but since he is not coming to my graduation, do I have to go to his? -- Graduation Dilemma, Boston

DEAR GRADUATION DILEMMA: You have every right to have hurt feelings. Both of your graduations are a big deal. It is unfortunate that your boyfriend cannot attend yours, but if it really is true that he booked this trip before knowing your date, it could be an honest mistake.

I do not recommend reacting out of hurt feelings and spite. If you are available to attend your boyfriend's graduation, you should go. Unless you think you are ending your relationship, you should not choose this moment to take a stand.

(Harriette Cole is a life stylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

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