life

Girlfriend Never Looks up From Her Screens

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | May 18th, 2018 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: In today's world, social media and technology are a big part of everybody's life, especially my girlfriend's. She is constantly attached to her phone or watching shows on her laptop. I understand that there are important matters that need to be attended to on her devices, but I want her to enjoy living in the moment more and appreciate the things around her, not just her phone.

Another big issue I have with her and technology is the fact that she loves publicizing our relationship. Sometimes I feel as if the things we do are purely for an Instagram picture. How do I help my girlfriend reduce her technology usage? -- Technology-Addicted Girlfriend, Raleigh, North Carolina

DEAR TECHNOLOGY-ADDICTED GIRLFRIEND: In this day and age, it seems impossible to have privacy. Most people are attached to their electronic devices in one way or another. That does not mean you should give your girlfriend a pass. As it relates to posts about the two of you and your relationship, you need to talk to her and establish boundaries around what is OK for her to post. This may mean she has to get your nod before she posts a photo or shares a detail about your life together. What probably won't work is asking her to post nothing at all about you, since this brings her joy.

As far as your girlfriend's inability to separate herself from her devices, what you may be able to do is lure her away here and there. Plan outdoor activities where you visit beautiful locations, dine at interesting restaurants, engage with other people. Ask her to put her device away for most of these experiences. When you reach a gorgeous vista, encourage her to pull out her phone to take a photo -- then put it away again. Same for shooting a delicious-looking meal. Do your best to help manage her device engagement. Sometimes you may need to be stern and demand that she give you some solo time, devoid of any social media connection.

life

Sense & Sensitivity for May 18, 2018

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | May 18th, 2018 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: My ex-husband recently moved to London for his job. My son and I are still living in New York. This summer, we have all agreed that my son, who is 16, will spend the summer with his father in London. I am not nervous about being apart from him, or him being in London, because I know my ex will take just as good care of him as I would.

For some reason, though, the one thing that I am totally freaked out about is letting my son travel alone. I hear all these horror stories about children traveling alone and predators abducting them. Is this an irrational fear I have? Do you have any tips on how to reduce my anxiety about this? -- Mother Nervous About Son Flying Alone, New York City

DEAR MOTHER NERVOUS ABOUT SON FLYING ALONE: The good news is that most airlines offer a companion service for minors who are traveling alone. Usually, for about $150 you can have a flight attendant look out for your son while he is on the plane and until he is united with his father. This process can provide tremendous relief. Your teenager will still have a bit of independence, but an adult will be watching over him.

(Harriette Cole is a life stylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

life

Job Seeker Applies at Family Friend's Company

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | May 17th, 2018 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am currently in the process of seeking and applying for jobs. I came across an entry-level position that fits my interests and skills perfectly, and that I think I am very qualified for. When I looked more into the job, I realized it was at a company the dad of one of my friends works for. In fact, he doesn't just work for the company; he is the CEO of it.

I am wondering if it would be overstepping my place to ask my friend to speak to her dad for me, or even just give me the OK to reach out to him. Do you think this falls under the umbrella of mixing business with pleasure? Will it make the relationship with my friend a little awkward? -- Am I Overstepping My Place?, Milwaukee

DEAR AM I OVERSTEPPING MY PLACE?: You said you feel qualified for this job. If you think you are a match for the company, you can feel confident with your next steps. Think about your friend. Do you believe she will feel comfortable putting in a good word for you? If so, go ahead and say something to her. On the flip side, if you question whether this will create an awkward moment, go solo.

Schedule the interview, and if you do see your friend's father, be sure to speak to him and let him know how much you would like to work for the company. Keep it professional, making it clear to him what you know about the job and why you are a good match. Of course, if he knows that you and his daughter are friends, mention that -- not to ask for a favor, just as a fact.

After the interview, be sure to let your friend know that you interviewed at her father's company so that she isn't caught flat-footed. You can tell her your thoughts. If you would like to work there, by all means make that known to her and to the company.

life

Sense & Sensitivity for May 17, 2018

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | May 17th, 2018 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: My boyfriend and I are both about to finish graduate school. We attend different universities in New York City. My graduation is a week before my boyfriend's. On my graduation weekend, my boyfriend had previously agreed to attend a bachelor party in Las Vegas, so he is unable to attend my graduation ceremony. This made me really upset and has created a lot of arguments between him and me. I don't want to sound petty, but since he is not coming to my graduation, do I have to go to his? -- Graduation Dilemma, Boston

DEAR GRADUATION DILEMMA: You have every right to have hurt feelings. Both of your graduations are a big deal. It is unfortunate that your boyfriend cannot attend yours, but if it really is true that he booked this trip before knowing your date, it could be an honest mistake.

I do not recommend reacting out of hurt feelings and spite. If you are available to attend your boyfriend's graduation, you should go. Unless you think you are ending your relationship, you should not choose this moment to take a stand.

(Harriette Cole is a life stylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

life

Midlife Crisis Sufferer Seeks Relief

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | May 16th, 2018 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am 47 years old, and I think I am having a midlife crisis. I am financially stable, I'm healthy and I have a great family, yet I am suddenly feeling very unsatisfied with my life. I feel as if I don't know what my real purpose in this world is, and that feeling really scares me. I have tried expanding my comfort zone and explored new hobbies to try to change this feeling, but nothing seems to be working. Is this a normal feeling? Do you have any ideas about how I can find my real passion in life? -- Midlife Crisis, Sarasota, Florida

DEAR MIDLIFE CRISIS: For some people, a midlife crisis is a real and terrifying experience. It can be unnerving to feel like you don't know what to do with your life. You do have choices. It would be smart to seek mental health support by going first to your primary care physician and getting a physical to ensure that your body is healthy. Ask for a referral for a therapist who can help you think through what's happening in your life. If you have a spiritual life, you may want to dive more deeply into your spiritual practice.

Another idea is to take a vacation. Go to a destination that you have dreamed about but never visited. Treating yourself to something you have longed to do may help relieve some anxiety.

life

Sense & Sensitivity for May 16, 2018

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | May 16th, 2018 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: My fiance and I have decided to move in together. We bought our first home a couple of months ago, but haven't moved in yet. We are in the decorating stage, and he and I have come to disagree on quite a few things. Basically, we have polar opposite design styles -- everything I like, he does not like, and vice versa. It has become a daily argument on what color the walls should be or where the couch should go. All of this stress does not seem worth it! Do you have any advice on how my partner and I can argue less and make this move-in process more enjoyable? -- Move-In Drama, Las Vegas

DEAR MOVE-IN DRAMA: This is an important challenge that you are facing. Just as you do not share design styles, there are likely other areas where you disagree. It is important for you to figure these things out and learn how to compromise.

Perhaps you can choose rooms that each of you can design any way you want. By having complete freedom in one space, you can exercise full creativity. Beyond that, agree to compromise. Pick colors together. Try the couch out in one area and move it around until you both are comfortable. Mix furniture styles. Yes, you can have mid-century modern and antiques side by side. Get creative with the intention of honoring both of your interests. There is an art to decision-making that you must develop in order to create joy and peace in your life -- especially when you disagree.

(Harriette Cole is a life stylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

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