DEAR HARRIETTE: I am dating someone new, and we have been out with my best friends on double dates in the past few weeks. After the first couple of dates, I asked him if he has been enjoying himself. He has consistently said yes and would be excited to do it again. However, last week he said that he doesn’t want to go out with them anymore. I was very confused because everyone, including my friends, enjoyed themselves. He said that he doesn’t like my friends and we cannot go out with them again.
My boyfriend and I are getting serious, but I love my friends. I think he is trying to make me choose between him and my friends. I don't want to do that. How do I choose -- or is choosing even an option? -- Between a Rock and a Hard Place, Randallstown, Maryland
DEAR BETWEEN A ROCK AND A HARD PLACE: It is a bit early for either of you to be making ultimatums in your relationship, but it is noteworthy that your boyfriend is telling you that he doesn’t want to spend time with your friends anymore. Perhaps you have been going out with them too much? Sometimes that happens in relationships, especially if you were accustomed to going out with them a lot before you met this man.
Tell your boyfriend that you are OK going out with your best friends less often and spending more time with just the two of you or expanding your friend group and going out with his friends as well. Be clear, though, that you are unwilling to cut your best friends out of your life. They have been important to you for a long time. Do your best to find out what, specifically, he does not like about them. Until you understand his perspective, it will be impossible for you to resolve this situation.
As far as choice goes, your intention should be to choose to get to the bottom of the issue so that you can resolve it.