life

Stay-at-Home Dad Feeling Self-Conscious

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | April 28th, 2018 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am the breadwinner in my family. My husband is a stay-at-home dad. We decided this would be best for our family because we both wanted a parent to raise our kids, and my job paid more. Recently, my husband has seemed very self-conscious of the fact that he stays at home with our kids. Last week we were out at a dinner party and someone made a snarky comment, which is what I think set off this feeling. What is your take on the stay-at-home dad culture? -- Working Mom, Cincinnati

DEAR WORKING MOM: We live in a culture that still values the man of the house as the breadwinner, even though family structures vary widely. What is important for you and your husband is to be on the same page about how you are caring for your family. There will always be that snarky person who tries to put you or your husband down for your choices. Learn to brush that off.

Celebrate your husband for what he does to guide your children. This is important for you to remember, because whoever stays at home usually receives few acknowledgments of the hard work that they put in each day.

life

Sense & Sensitivity for April 28, 2018

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | April 28th, 2018 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I hate how I look. I have never been confident in my figure. My friends believe I have body dysmorphia, and they are always complimenting me on how great I look. I need some advice and help on how I can accept my body. I want to be at peace with how I look and not constantly be worried about my appearance. -- Body Dysmorphic Attitude, Los Angeles

DEAR BODY DYSMORPHIC ATTITUDE: We are plagued by body image questions. Just look at the ads that fill magazines, billboards and TV commercials. There are more products designed to improve your looks than you could ever buy. It is no wonder that you question your body. The fact that you live in LA only exacerbates an already overly sensitized subject.

Since your friends seem to be seeing someone different from the person you see in the mirror, there is a chance that your perceptions are off and you do have body dysmorphia.

Start by getting a complete physical where you learn if you have any health issues that need to be addressed. Be sure to tell your doctor about your body-image concerns. Ask for a referral to a psychologist. Talking to a professional about your feelings about yourself will help you to come to terms with the truth about your body. If you need help, a professional will be able to guide your steps.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

life

Reader Reconnects With Former Camp Crush

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | April 27th, 2018 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am currently dating my camp crush. We went to the same Christian sleep-away camp when we were younger and reconnected later in life. We have been dating almost two years, and I can’t help but think this is fate. I am at the age when I would like to be engaged soon, and I believe I am with the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. I wanted to know your take on fate. Do you believe in fate when it comes to love? -- More Than a Camp Crush, Salem, Massachusetts

DEAR MORE THAN A CAMP CRUSH: First, I think it is wonderful that you and your camp crush have found each other, and it seems like a promising relationship. Two years together is a good amount of time to get to know each other and to begin to see if you can build a future together. To figure this out, you should talk about your hopes and dreams, your preferred timeline for getting married and starting a family -- everything. In this way, you will be able to figure out if you are a match for the long haul.

In terms of fate, I’m not personally a believer in that. I do believe in grace. Given that you two met in a Christian camp, it is likely that you believe in the power of God’s grace and guiding hand in your lives. Sharing faith is another way that you can strengthen your commitment to each other.

life

Sense & Sensitivity for April 27, 2018

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | April 27th, 2018 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am not sure if I am going down a dark path in terms of my drinking habits. I am from a family of two alcoholic parents, and my older sister is also an alcoholic. I enjoy drinking for the social aspect of it, and I do not think I have a problem. However, the last couple of weeks, some of my friends have been making comments about how much I drink and how I act when I do drink. I’m thinking of attending an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting just to see what goes on in them and see if I belong there. Do you think this is the right next step for me? -- Am I an Alcoholic?, Chicago

DEAR AM I AN ALCOHOLIC: The fact that you have the awareness to ask the question is a great start. Given your family history and your own recent incidents of drinking too much, it is wise for you to seek help. Alcoholics Anonymous is an excellent way for you to get support and gain insight into your own behavior. There should be many meetings available in your city. They are free, too. Go to alcoholicsanonymous.org to learn more.

Even if you decide that you are not an alcoholic, it is smart for you to monitor your drinking habits. If you find that you are drinking more than one drink per day if you are a woman and three drinks per day if you are a man, you put your body at risk.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

life

Parents Treat Master's Student Like a Baby

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | April 26th, 2018 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am 25 years old and still live at home with my parents. I am currently in graduate school working on my master's degree in applied psychology. Because I am still a student, I could not afford to get my own place. I am grateful I have parents who allow me to stay in their home, but I feel like they still treat me as if I am 12. My mom is constantly asking where I am going, what I’m doing, who I'm going out with, etc. How can I speak to my parents about treating me like an adult? -- Treat Me Like an Adult, Atlanta

DEAR TREAT ME LIKE AN ADULT: Know that as long as you live in your parents’ home, you have to follow their rules. It will be difficult for them to think of you as an adult and relax their ways, but you can attempt to get them to consider you differently.

Start by asking to have a family meeting. Thank them for their generosity in allowing you to continue to live at home. Tell them that the adjustment of living there and finishing school as an adult has been hard for you. Ask your parents if you can make new ground rules together that take into account the fact that you are an adult. Tell them that you would appreciate some privacy as it relates to your comings and goings. Assure them that you will be respectful of their home and mindful in letting them know you are safe, but you need for them to try to treat you like an adult.

Ultimately, you are going to have to move. It is extremely difficult to become independent while living with your parents.

life

Sense & Sensitivity for April 26, 2018

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | April 26th, 2018 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: Last month, my girlfriend introduced me to her sister for the first time. As soon as I met her, I felt an instant connection. We spent the entire night talking with each other and got along so well. My girlfriend was happy about how the evening went because of how well I got along with her sister. I feel so guilty for feeling something more than just getting along with her. Ever since that night, I have not stopped thinking about the connection I had with my girlfriend’s sister. What should I do? Do you think this is a real feeling if it has lasted this long? -- Crush on Girlfriend's Sister, Jackson, Mississippi

DEAR CRUSH ON GIRLFRIEND’S SISTER: This is one of those times when you need to step back, throw some cold water on your face and think about what you are considering. The chances that anything good will come out of you pursuing your girlfriend’s sister are virtually nil. You will break your girlfriend’s heart. Her parents will never trust you because you will have betrayed one in order to get with the other. Don’t do it. You cannot win.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

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