life

Reader Reconnects With Former Camp Crush

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | April 27th, 2018 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am currently dating my camp crush. We went to the same Christian sleep-away camp when we were younger and reconnected later in life. We have been dating almost two years, and I can’t help but think this is fate. I am at the age when I would like to be engaged soon, and I believe I am with the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. I wanted to know your take on fate. Do you believe in fate when it comes to love? -- More Than a Camp Crush, Salem, Massachusetts

DEAR MORE THAN A CAMP CRUSH: First, I think it is wonderful that you and your camp crush have found each other, and it seems like a promising relationship. Two years together is a good amount of time to get to know each other and to begin to see if you can build a future together. To figure this out, you should talk about your hopes and dreams, your preferred timeline for getting married and starting a family -- everything. In this way, you will be able to figure out if you are a match for the long haul.

In terms of fate, I’m not personally a believer in that. I do believe in grace. Given that you two met in a Christian camp, it is likely that you believe in the power of God’s grace and guiding hand in your lives. Sharing faith is another way that you can strengthen your commitment to each other.

life

Sense & Sensitivity for April 27, 2018

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | April 27th, 2018 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am not sure if I am going down a dark path in terms of my drinking habits. I am from a family of two alcoholic parents, and my older sister is also an alcoholic. I enjoy drinking for the social aspect of it, and I do not think I have a problem. However, the last couple of weeks, some of my friends have been making comments about how much I drink and how I act when I do drink. I’m thinking of attending an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting just to see what goes on in them and see if I belong there. Do you think this is the right next step for me? -- Am I an Alcoholic?, Chicago

DEAR AM I AN ALCOHOLIC: The fact that you have the awareness to ask the question is a great start. Given your family history and your own recent incidents of drinking too much, it is wise for you to seek help. Alcoholics Anonymous is an excellent way for you to get support and gain insight into your own behavior. There should be many meetings available in your city. They are free, too. Go to alcoholicsanonymous.org to learn more.

Even if you decide that you are not an alcoholic, it is smart for you to monitor your drinking habits. If you find that you are drinking more than one drink per day if you are a woman and three drinks per day if you are a man, you put your body at risk.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

life

Parents Treat Master's Student Like a Baby

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | April 26th, 2018 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am 25 years old and still live at home with my parents. I am currently in graduate school working on my master's degree in applied psychology. Because I am still a student, I could not afford to get my own place. I am grateful I have parents who allow me to stay in their home, but I feel like they still treat me as if I am 12. My mom is constantly asking where I am going, what I’m doing, who I'm going out with, etc. How can I speak to my parents about treating me like an adult? -- Treat Me Like an Adult, Atlanta

DEAR TREAT ME LIKE AN ADULT: Know that as long as you live in your parents’ home, you have to follow their rules. It will be difficult for them to think of you as an adult and relax their ways, but you can attempt to get them to consider you differently.

Start by asking to have a family meeting. Thank them for their generosity in allowing you to continue to live at home. Tell them that the adjustment of living there and finishing school as an adult has been hard for you. Ask your parents if you can make new ground rules together that take into account the fact that you are an adult. Tell them that you would appreciate some privacy as it relates to your comings and goings. Assure them that you will be respectful of their home and mindful in letting them know you are safe, but you need for them to try to treat you like an adult.

Ultimately, you are going to have to move. It is extremely difficult to become independent while living with your parents.

life

Sense & Sensitivity for April 26, 2018

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | April 26th, 2018 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: Last month, my girlfriend introduced me to her sister for the first time. As soon as I met her, I felt an instant connection. We spent the entire night talking with each other and got along so well. My girlfriend was happy about how the evening went because of how well I got along with her sister. I feel so guilty for feeling something more than just getting along with her. Ever since that night, I have not stopped thinking about the connection I had with my girlfriend’s sister. What should I do? Do you think this is a real feeling if it has lasted this long? -- Crush on Girlfriend's Sister, Jackson, Mississippi

DEAR CRUSH ON GIRLFRIEND’S SISTER: This is one of those times when you need to step back, throw some cold water on your face and think about what you are considering. The chances that anything good will come out of you pursuing your girlfriend’s sister are virtually nil. You will break your girlfriend’s heart. Her parents will never trust you because you will have betrayed one in order to get with the other. Don’t do it. You cannot win.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

life

Roommate's Boyfriend Stays Over Too Often

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | April 25th, 2018 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: My roommate and I get along well, except when it comes to her boyfriend. I don’t have an issue with his personality or the fact that they are together. What bothers me is the amount of time they spend in our room. He sleeps over every weekend and even some nights during the week. I feel like I am walking on eggshells in my own room, and I am so sick of it. How do I approach this situation without coming off as a crazy roommate? -- Frustrated Roommate, Philadelphia

DEAR FRUSTRATED ROOMMATE: Boyfriends and roommates almost always cause friction. The fact that you and your roommate literally share a room only makes it worse. You need to set boundaries with your roommate when her boyfriend isn’t around. Tell her that you like him fine, but you don't want another roommate -- you want your space back, at least some of the time. Ask her to work with you on scheduling so that he comes over less frequently. Maybe she can go over to his place sometimes? Tell her how awkward you feel in your own room and that you need to work out a compromise with her.

Do know that you may need to look for another roommate. Typically, when serious boyfriends enter the scenario, somebody ends up moving.

life

Sense & Sensitivity for April 25, 2018

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | April 25th, 2018 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I still wear the necklace my ex-boyfriend got for me when we were together. We broke up over three years ago, but it is a very nice necklace that I love wearing.

My current partner hates that I still wear the necklace because he thinks I do it to stay connected to my ex. As absurd as it sounds, and as much as I have tried convincing my boyfriend I wear the necklace only because it’s nice, he is insistent on me not wearing it. Do I have to stop wearing the necklace from my ex? -- Wear My Ex's Necklace, San Mateo, California

DEAR WEAR MY EX'S NECKLACE: Take a walk in your boyfriend's shoes for a moment. How would you feel if he were wearing an item of jewelry given to him by his ex? I doubt it would make you feel comfortable. In this instance, I think your boyfriend is right. Put the necklace away, at least for now. Grow your relationship without any encumbrances from the past. Tell him that you value him more than a piece of jewelry, and you are not interested in your ex anymore.

Ideally, you should get rid of the necklace. Sell it, pawn it, get some money for it and buy yourself something beautiful that is no longer attached to the man from your past.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

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