life

Parents Treat Master's Student Like a Baby

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | April 26th, 2018 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am 25 years old and still live at home with my parents. I am currently in graduate school working on my master's degree in applied psychology. Because I am still a student, I could not afford to get my own place. I am grateful I have parents who allow me to stay in their home, but I feel like they still treat me as if I am 12. My mom is constantly asking where I am going, what I’m doing, who I'm going out with, etc. How can I speak to my parents about treating me like an adult? -- Treat Me Like an Adult, Atlanta

DEAR TREAT ME LIKE AN ADULT: Know that as long as you live in your parents’ home, you have to follow their rules. It will be difficult for them to think of you as an adult and relax their ways, but you can attempt to get them to consider you differently.

Start by asking to have a family meeting. Thank them for their generosity in allowing you to continue to live at home. Tell them that the adjustment of living there and finishing school as an adult has been hard for you. Ask your parents if you can make new ground rules together that take into account the fact that you are an adult. Tell them that you would appreciate some privacy as it relates to your comings and goings. Assure them that you will be respectful of their home and mindful in letting them know you are safe, but you need for them to try to treat you like an adult.

Ultimately, you are going to have to move. It is extremely difficult to become independent while living with your parents.

life

Sense & Sensitivity for April 26, 2018

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | April 26th, 2018 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: Last month, my girlfriend introduced me to her sister for the first time. As soon as I met her, I felt an instant connection. We spent the entire night talking with each other and got along so well. My girlfriend was happy about how the evening went because of how well I got along with her sister. I feel so guilty for feeling something more than just getting along with her. Ever since that night, I have not stopped thinking about the connection I had with my girlfriend’s sister. What should I do? Do you think this is a real feeling if it has lasted this long? -- Crush on Girlfriend's Sister, Jackson, Mississippi

DEAR CRUSH ON GIRLFRIEND’S SISTER: This is one of those times when you need to step back, throw some cold water on your face and think about what you are considering. The chances that anything good will come out of you pursuing your girlfriend’s sister are virtually nil. You will break your girlfriend’s heart. Her parents will never trust you because you will have betrayed one in order to get with the other. Don’t do it. You cannot win.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

life

Roommate's Boyfriend Stays Over Too Often

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | April 25th, 2018 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: My roommate and I get along well, except when it comes to her boyfriend. I don’t have an issue with his personality or the fact that they are together. What bothers me is the amount of time they spend in our room. He sleeps over every weekend and even some nights during the week. I feel like I am walking on eggshells in my own room, and I am so sick of it. How do I approach this situation without coming off as a crazy roommate? -- Frustrated Roommate, Philadelphia

DEAR FRUSTRATED ROOMMATE: Boyfriends and roommates almost always cause friction. The fact that you and your roommate literally share a room only makes it worse. You need to set boundaries with your roommate when her boyfriend isn’t around. Tell her that you like him fine, but you don't want another roommate -- you want your space back, at least some of the time. Ask her to work with you on scheduling so that he comes over less frequently. Maybe she can go over to his place sometimes? Tell her how awkward you feel in your own room and that you need to work out a compromise with her.

Do know that you may need to look for another roommate. Typically, when serious boyfriends enter the scenario, somebody ends up moving.

life

Sense & Sensitivity for April 25, 2018

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | April 25th, 2018 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I still wear the necklace my ex-boyfriend got for me when we were together. We broke up over three years ago, but it is a very nice necklace that I love wearing.

My current partner hates that I still wear the necklace because he thinks I do it to stay connected to my ex. As absurd as it sounds, and as much as I have tried convincing my boyfriend I wear the necklace only because it’s nice, he is insistent on me not wearing it. Do I have to stop wearing the necklace from my ex? -- Wear My Ex's Necklace, San Mateo, California

DEAR WEAR MY EX'S NECKLACE: Take a walk in your boyfriend's shoes for a moment. How would you feel if he were wearing an item of jewelry given to him by his ex? I doubt it would make you feel comfortable. In this instance, I think your boyfriend is right. Put the necklace away, at least for now. Grow your relationship without any encumbrances from the past. Tell him that you value him more than a piece of jewelry, and you are not interested in your ex anymore.

Ideally, you should get rid of the necklace. Sell it, pawn it, get some money for it and buy yourself something beautiful that is no longer attached to the man from your past.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

life

Father Wants to Build Relationship With Kids

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | April 24th, 2018 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a father of three. My children are all grown up now: Two of them are in college, and one is in medical school. Since they graduated from high school and moved out of the house, I have become distant from all of them. I don’t think there is a specific reason this happened, just the fact that they have their own lives now.

How can I reconnect with my kids? I try to speak with them as often as I can, and I always send them gifts on their birthdays or holidays, but I miss the relationships I used to have with all three of them. -- Lonely Father, Memphis, Tennessee

DEAR LONELY FATHER: Start by telling your children that you miss them. Suggest that you set up weekly calls via Skype or FaceTime where you can see and talk to them. The calls can be brief but meaningful if you establish them as a routine. Invite your children to come to dinner or to visit a few times a year.

Young people who are building their lives are often busy, and time can slip by without them realizing that they haven’t connected with their family. Gentle reminders from you may help. Don’t try to make them feel guilty, though. Just let them know you miss them and want to be in touch more often.

life

Sense & Sensitivity for April 24, 2018

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | April 24th, 2018 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a 4-year-old daughter. Last week, my husband and I had a conversation about getting her ears pierced. My mother had my ears pierced when I was about 2 years old. She wanted me to wear earrings when I was young, and thought it would be better to get it done when I wouldn’t remember the pain. I feel the same way with my daughter. My husband, on the other hand, is against getting my daughter’s ears pierced because of how young she is. What should I do? -- Toddler Ear Piercing, Raleigh, North Carolina

DEAR TODDLER EAR PIERCING: What’s most important is for you and your husband to agree. There is no need to have a knock-down-drag-out fight over ear piercing. I got my daughter’s ears pierced before she was 1 year old for the same reasons you mentioned. As it turned out, her ears got infected constantly, so she couldn’t wear earrings until she was a teenager. Some parents make ear piercing a coming-of-age ritual. You could wait until she is 13 or 16, when it will be meaningful for her and she can tend to her own ears. Whatever you decide, make it a joint decision. Trust me, this isn’t worth you and your husband being upset about for years on end.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

Next up: More trusted advice from...

  • Last Word in Astrology for March 28, 2023
  • Last Word in Astrology for March 27, 2023
  • Last Word in Astrology for March 26, 2023
  • A Place of Peace
  • Is My Self-Care Selfish?
  • Transportable Tranquility
  • Recovering Alcoholic's Apology Is Spurned by Old Friend
  • Future In-Laws Pressure Bride to Convert
  • Excessive Daydreaming Worries Grandmother
UExpressLifeParentingHomePetsHealthAstrologyOdditiesA-Z
AboutContactSubmissionsTerms of ServicePrivacy Policy
©2023 Andrews McMeel Universal