DEAR HARRIETTE: I work in Connecticut, and my best friend goes to school in Delaware. Her birthday is this weekend, and I am having trouble deciding if I should visit her for the weekend.

On one hand, it would be a nice thing to do for her, and I know she would appreciate me celebrating with her. On the other hand, it is a long weekend of travel for me. I would have to leave after work on Friday and return on Sunday. My friend did not visit me on my birthday, so will she be offended if I do not make the trip? What do you think I should do? -- BFF's Birthday Dilemma, Bridgeport, Connecticut

DEAR BFF’S BIRTHDAY DILEMMA: You are talking about your best friend. Chances are, she is sensitive to the fact that you live far away from her, that you want to spend time with her and that it will take extra effort to make it happen. Is it a requirement that you make the trip? Of course not. If you have the energy and desire to do it, talk to her about it. Tell her that you are thinking of traveling her way, and ask what her plans are. Be honest about your reservations -- though not about her missing out on your birthday -- and check in to see what she would like. Make the decision together.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am 22 years old and still terrified of the dentist. I went to a pediatric dentist until last year. Since then, I have not sought out a new dentist, meaning I have not been to the dentist in 18 months. There is nothing wrong with my teeth, but I know it is important to go at least once a year to make sure everything is OK.

Ever since I was a youngster, I have been scared of the dentist and hate the feeling of someone probing my mouth with sharp metal objects. Do you think this is a common phobia for someone my age? Do you have any advice on how I can overcome this fear? -- Scared of the Dentist, Jackson, Mississippi

DEAR SCARED OF THE DENTIST: I was much like you after having had a series of bad experiences with the dentist when I was a child. I ended up needing costly and painful procedures because I ignored my mouth for too long. DON’T BE LIKE ME!

Ask your friends and your pediatric dentist for referrals. Find someone who is conscientious and who has a good bedside manner. Once you find a dentist who makes you feel comfortable, you will be able to overcome your fear. It took a lot of conversations to build trust with my dentist, and it worked. We have been together for more than 20 years. You can do it!

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am recovering from a breakup, and my family and friends are supportive. My boss is encouraging and always wants me to be happy. However, she might be trying to set me up too early when I'm not fully recovered from the breakup. She has men in mind whom she would like me to meet, but I’m not ready. How can I tell her to back off for now, but that I will be ready later? -- Not Ready to Date Yet, Towson, Maryland

DEAR NOT READY TO DATE YET: It’s great that your boss is supportive and that you feel comfortable talking to her. The other side of that is her being too involved. Ask your boss if you can talk to her for a moment. Thank her for her support during this difficult time for you, and tell her that you appreciate her interest in introducing you to potential new partners. Ask her to wait before she does anything. Explain that you are still hurting from the breakup and that you are too emotionally fragile to meet anybody new right now. Assure her that you will let her know when you are up for a date.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My in-laws have been coming around, and it has become an inconvenience for me and my family. We don't mind if they come over, but the problem is they come over unannounced. I work all day and sometimes come home stressed. My husband and I have told them to call before they come, but they don't. When they come in, they immediately want to jump into whatever conversation we are having. They interrupt the children to try to get them to hang out when they need to do their homework. They can be disruptive -- even though we know it is not intentional. How do I tell them they need to call before they come so they will listen? -- Need Advance Notice, Raleigh, North Carolina

DEAR NEED ADVANCE NOTICE: This is a hard situation that may require tough love. If you and your husband have the stomach for it, you may need to tell them that they cannot come in on days when you are stressed out. You can choose not to open the door, even acting like you aren’t at home.

Your in-laws have a lot more time on their hands than you and your husband, which is making them not accept your schedules. You might have to hurt their feelings to give them the reality check that they need to respect your privacy. This will be an awkward period, but it should work if you stick to your plan to say no when you don’t have the energy to entertain them.

Be sure to talk to them, too, and point out that when they come unannounced, they often unintentionally interrupt the children’s homework and the overall family pattern. Suggest that you have a regular time when they visit for part of the day on the weekend or for dinner once a week -- something that is inclusive and manageable.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am applying for graduate schools and programs, and my parents are helping me pay for it. I have a few choices of schools, but my mother has been very enthusiastic about her alma mater. I like her alma mater, but I don’t want her to be disappointed if I don’t choose it. I’m afraid she will use her financial assistance to convince me to go there and will make me feel bad if don’t. How should I choose the school that’s right for me? -- Choosing Grad School, Atlanta

DEAR CHOOSING GRAD SCHOOL: Talk to your mother about your career goals and which schools have good programs that support them. Be specific with the information you share. The more you figure out exactly what you want to do and which institutions can help you reach your goals, the easier it will be for you to show your mother your options. Include her alma mater in the mix of schools. List the pros and cons of each school, and compare them. Your research will help you to determine which schools are best suited to you. Include your mother in this process so that she can see how you come to your top choices. This will make it easier for both of you to decide which is the best grad school for you to attend.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My mother and I have a very close relationship. I call her almost every day and update her with any big things going on in my life. Recently, she has started dating a new guy, and we aren’t speaking as often as we used to. I am very glad that she is in a new relationship and is happy, but I miss talking to her. I’m not sure if it’s selfish of me to want to speak to my mom all the time, being that I am 22 years old, or just that I’m not used to her having a boyfriend. I don’t want to bring it up to my mom, because I’m scared she will take it personally or that I will seem very needy. What is your take on how much communication is healthy and normal between a mother and a daughter? Do you think I am overreacting when it comes to speaking with my mom? -- Daughter Misses Mom, Cleveland

DEAR DAUGHTER MISSES MOM: What you are experiencing is a natural shift whenever a loved one gets a boyfriend or girlfriend. Suddenly, there is less time for friends and adult children because the lovebirds are so devoted to each other. The good news is that the intensity that excludes others usually doesn’t last too long. Give your mom some space to explore her new relationship. You can suggest that you spend some time together. Invite her to coffee or to go shopping, something that will get her attention. But try not to push too hard at first. She will come around.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)