DEAR HARRIETTE: I am the youngest of four children. My older sister has had the same boyfriend for four years. I like the guy, but I can see how he can be shady at times. My sister thinks he is perfect and hopes to marry him one day. When I ask my sister if they have ever spoken about marriage before, she says they have not because he doesn't like talking about the future, which I think is a little odd. I know my sister very well, and I know she is itching to get engaged soon. Do you think it is inappropriate if I ask my sister’s boyfriend what his intentions are with my sister, or if he plans to marry her? -- Protective Sister, Las Vegas
DEAR PROTECTIVE SISTER: Do not ask your sister’s boyfriend about his intentions! Instead, coach your sister on how to talk to her beau. She has to put her stake in the ground and tell him what she wants. The only way they have a chance of building a life together that works for the two of them is if she speaks up and lets him know what she wants and needs.
I remember my mother telling me that she and my father dated for several years. At a certain point, she told him that he had to make a decision or she was going to walk (my language). Her ultimatum prompted a proposal. They were married for 42 years before he died. It can work!