life

Former Student Reluctant to Make Teacher's Retirement Video

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | March 8th, 2018 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: One of my teachers from high school is retiring. I recently received a message from a classmate of mine asking if I would like to record a 1-to-2-minute video that would be part of a farewell montage, created by her past and present students. When I received the message, I was shocked that she had messaged me directly. I loved the teacher, but I did not think we were that close. I am struggling with whether I should make the video. Would it be meaningful if I created the video, even though I don’t have any personal memories to share? -- Saying Goodbye, Shreveport, Louisiana

DEAR SAYING GOODBYE: You should make a little video. Your smiling face thanking your former teacher for being a great educator for you and so many students over the years will make her happy. If you can remember one moment that stands out, either something she taught you that made you a better student or a funny experience that you shared, include that. If not, just a joyful farewell is enough.

life

Sense & Sensitivity for March 08, 2018

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | March 8th, 2018 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am 20 years old, and I have always had long hair. People always comment on how healthy and beautiful my hair is, which I appreciate. Recently, I have been thinking about cutting my hair and donating it to Locks of Love. Locks of Love takes donated hair and creates wigs for children with hair loss. It is a great cause, but it requires a little sacrifice. There are so many great things about donating hair, but I am nervous about having my hair that short. I feel guilty about thinking about my looks more than children who have lost their hair. Do you think there is a right or wrong decision when it comes to donating my hair? -- Should I Donate?, Milwaukee

DEAR SHOULD I DONATE?: I know many young women who have donated their hair to this great cause. Not one of them has told me she regrets it. The good news is that because you have healthy hair that grows long, you have every reason to believe that your hair will grow back. Look at magazines or at images online of shorter hairstyles to decide how you want your hair to be cut. You may discover a whole new look that you want to explore for yourself while your hair is shorter.

One young woman I know decided to cut her long hair just before she graduated from college. She did this because she wanted to have a more professional look for job interviews. Think about how your good action will help children with hair loss -- and also how you can personally benefit from the experience. By creating a win-win scenario, you will likely be less nervous about the cut itself.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

life

Boss Calls Young Employee a Baby

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | March 7th, 2018 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I started a new job after graduating from college. I work alongside four other women. Everyone on my team knows that I just graduated from college and this is a new position for me. For the first few weeks, my boss had a habit of taking time to tell the clients and other colleagues that I am young, and she refers to me as “the baby.” It bothers me, so I tried to ignore her and represent myself as the young adult I am. But occasionally she will still call me a baby and pat me on the back.

I want to be taken seriously in my career and start it off without everyone judging me on my age rather than on my skill set. Would you suggest sitting down with my boss and telling her how I feel about being called “the baby”? -- Not a Baby, San Mateo, California

DEAR NOT A BABY: The next time that you and your boss have a one-on-one conversation, tell her how much you like your job and what you are learning. Point out positives about your experience, including how you are transitioning from school to the workplace. Thank her for her support. Then tell her you would like to make a request of her -- this should get her full attention. Tell her that it makes you uncomfortable when she calls you the baby. Make it clear that you are a professional and you want to be taken seriously in this job. Ask her to stop referring to you in that manner as it doesn’t help you to stand fully in your role in the company. Chances are she has been thinking that her nickname for you is a term of endearment. Your clarification may help her to see that you don’t share her view.

life

Sense & Sensitivity for March 07, 2018

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | March 7th, 2018 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: My son just started dating. I am happy for him, but the problem is that he brings all the girls that he is dating around family and for family events. I don’t mind him inviting his friends, but the status of these relationships is confusing. He doesn’t introduce each young lady as his “girlfriend,” but the way they interact makes family assume they are together.

I want my son to stay open and have him tell me about his dating life, but bringing around his casual dates is beginning to get complicated. How do I tell him to bring only the girls he’s serious about around instead of bringing a different one to every family event? -- Revolving Door Dates, Minneapolis

DEAR REVOLVING DOOR DATES: This is a tricky situation. On one hand, it is great that your son feels comfortable enough to bring any of his dates around the family. He is not interested in hiding his dating activity, which is commendable. On the other hand, the confusion that multiple girlfriends on his arm can bring is real. Keeping track of who’s who can create moments when young ladies are called the wrong name or family members can get attached to one, only to find that she’s long gone.

Talk to your son about his intentions. Find out what he wants for his life in the near future and down the line. Tell him that you appreciate that he feels at ease bringing his dates around, but also point out that it is confusing for the family. I wouldn’t tell him to stop bringing his dates to the house, but you might suggest that he bring only serious girlfriends to big family gatherings like holidays or family reunions.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

life

Children Terrified by Thoughts of School Violence

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | March 5th, 2018 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: The rising number of school shootings has taken a toll on my children, especially my high school-age son. After the Parkland, Florida, shooting, he asked questions like, “Why would he do that?” Through our conversations, I have explained to him that sometimes these shootings can result from bullying and mental illness. He is still afraid to go to school. Every morning, he says he’s sick, hoping I will let him stay home.

In times like these, when violence seems to be increasing and schools do not seem safe, how do I teach my children that it is OK to live and not be afraid? -- Mother Needs Answers, Denver

DEAR MOTHER NEEDS ANSWERS: You are right to be concerned. What the most recent shooting in Parkland, Florida, proves is that this horrific type of mass murder can occur anywhere. The good news, if you can call it that, is that many of the students from Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School have organized and are making their voices heard to lawmakers, both locally and nationally. They have become activists against gun violence in schools and are trying to force lawmakers to revisit the legal status of semiautomatic weapons.

Encourage your son to have a voice as well. He can write to your representatives in the state legislature, to the U.S. House of Representatives and Senate, and to the president of the United States to express his concerns. Becoming active in the struggle can be empowering. He can advocate ways that his own school can become safer. Encourage your son to speak about his fears and desires for safety. This may help him to feel less afraid. If needed, you can also talk to the psychologist at his school to ask for mental health support.

life

Sense & Sensitivity for March 05, 2018

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | March 5th, 2018 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband is English, and I am African-American. We have been married for three years and just had our first child. We come from different backgrounds and cultures, and we both want to inform our child about her cultures when she is older. Because we live in the United States and his family is in the United Kingdom, we don’t get to see them much. Our daughter spends much more time with my side of the family. My husband has brought it up to me as a concern and I agree with him, but I don't know how to change things since his family is far away and it’s not easy to visit as often as we would like. How can my husband and I teach my daughter about her cultures equally? -- Striking a Balance, Memphis, Tennessee

DEAR STRIKING A BALANCE: It is natural for a family to gravitate to one side more than the other. In your case, simple geography is the culprit. To ensure that your daughter learns about both sides of her family, you two can be mindful of telling stories. Your husband can share stories about his childhood and anything he remembers about his family. You can Skype or FaceTime with the British relatives as well. Just because you aren’t in the same country does not mean that you cannot communicate. It will take effort. Work together to make time for everyone.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

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