DEAR HARRIETTE: My family has always been very active. We all love playing sports and exercising regularly. Recently, my mother has been very into yoga. I admire her for maintaining her health and always trying to get some activity every day, but it has gotten to the point where she is obsessing over her body. She restricts her diet so much, and has been taking two or three workout classes a day.

I tell my mother that she does not need to lose any more weight, but she continues to count calories and work out extensively. How do you recommend I handle this? I want to make sure I am doing the right thing, the right way, so I do not offend my mom. -- Mother's Weight Obsession, Los Angeles

DEAR MOTHER’S WEIGHT OBSESSION: It would be great if your mother would get a physical exam. This is important because a medical evaluation of your mother’s health will tell her if she is making smart choices in her fitness and diet regimen, or if she is going too far. Suggest that your mother get her annual physical soon. Point out that since she has revved up her fitness routine, you believe it would be wise to check in with her doctor to ensure that she is being safe. Tell her that you are planning to get a physical as well. In this way, you aren’t just pointing your finger at her. One of the great things about Western medicine is the diagnostic capability that it has. With a complete medical workup, your mother will learn the status of her health and whether she should make any adjustments to her routine. Ask her if you can go with her when she schedules her visit. Then you can hear for yourself how she is doing.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I baby-sit for a family almost every weekend. This upcoming weekend they have asked me to stay over both Friday and Saturday nights because they will be out of town at a wedding. I usually don’t mind staying overnight because it saves money and time on commuting to their house. However, they have recently downsized, and there is no longer a guest room for me. They asked if I would sleep in the daughter’s room in her bunk bed. I am not a fussy person and don’t have a problem with doing this, but another part of me is saying that I shouldn’t be staying in the daughter’s bunk bed as a 22-year-old. What do you think of this? -- Sleeping in the Bottom Bunk, Brooklyn, New York

DEAR SLEEPING IN THE TOP BUNK: You need to get practical here. Since there is nowhere else for you to sleep, that’s why your employer is offering you the bunk bed. It’s not about your age or station in life. This is simply a reality check. Given that you like the family and get along well with the children, I suggest that you move past the accommodations challenge. Do you know the saying “It is what it is”? That applies here.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My wife and I have been married for more than 20 years. We have a solid marriage, but the intimacy seems to have faded away years ago. I feel like we are living as roommates more than husband and wife. Occasionally, I get mad about this. On more than a few occasions, especially if I’ve had a few drinks, I call my wife out on this. She got mad at me recently because I said something about her withholding sex from me in front of her family. Hey, I’m frustrated. I guess I figured if I say it in front of people who know her, they might be able to help me. It backfired. She got angry and slept in the other room. What can I do to get the spark back? -- Wanting More, Shreveport, Louisiana

DEAR WANTING MORE: Therapists suggest that the longer couples go without intimacy, the more challenging it can be to find your way back to it. Rather than humiliating your wife, which never works, consider getting help. A relationship coach or even a sex therapist might be helpful to you both. Chances are, something that happened years ago created a divide, and then the two of you just settled into a celibate lifestyle. You have to both want to find your way back to each other in order to get there.

Tell your wife how much you miss her and want to be closer. Ask her if she would be willing to get help with you. Be sure to have this conversation when you are sober and alone. You might also apologize for the times when you have embarrassed her in front of loved ones. Make it clear that you want the romance back, and you want to work with her to reclaim it.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My co-worker is going to a fancy event, and she asked me if she could borrow my shoes. I thought that was an odd request, but I get it. She doesn’t have dress shoes, and I do. The thing is, I don’t let people borrow my shoes -- not even my family. I’m kind of skittish about the hygiene of this. How can I say no without hurting her feelings? She is so excited about this event and wants to look perfect. -- Not My Shoes, Denver

DEAR NOT MY SHOES: Be honest. Tell your co-worker that you have never loaned out your shoes because you are a germaphobe. Make it clear that this includes your family, too. Admit that you may be an extremist, but this is who you are.

You can pivot by telling her where you bought your shoes and making recommendations for where she can find affordable dress shoes. The good news is that there are many affordable outlets to consider. If you are up for it, you can even offer to go shopping with her to help her pick the perfect pair. This will show her that you care about her, even as you have your boundaries. But stay firm. If you aren’t comfortable lending your own shoes, don’t do it.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I started a new job and want to become more social with my colleagues. They invite me to happy hours and evening work events, and everyone is very nice and great to be around. However, I feel like I am an outsider, or I don’t match the same energy as the others. I am an introvert, but I want to learn to become more social and improve my networking skills. I want to come out of my shell, but I am afraid I may come off as fake and not my authentic self. How do I show interest and improve my networking skills while still being me? -- Shy Girl, Seattle

DEAR SHY GIRL: The good news is that your co-workers are actively pursuing you and working to include you in their after-work events. This means they like you and want to get to know you better.

Remember that most people like to talk about themselves. Observe your co-workers and notice little things about each of them that point to their personalities and interests. When you are sitting near them at these after-work gatherings, bring up what you have observed about them. For example, if a co-worker loves animals, ask him to tell you about his pets. If another is into sports, ask what her favorite teams are. Simple questions that show you are paying attention will get your co-workers talking and engaging with you. Give it time to find your comfort zone.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband and I want to start a family, and we have talked about how we would like to raise our children with specific values and morals. But sometimes he thinks too much about the mistakes his family members have made and plans ways to avoid them. I try to tell him that some of those things you can’t control and sometimes you must adjust. Do you think it is healthy to look at others’ mistakes and change or plan your life so you can avoid the same mistakes? How do I tell my husband that he shouldn’t worry himself so much and focus on our future? -- Worried Wife, Aberdeen, Maryland

DEAR WORRIED WIFE: It is good to talk through your values and about how they have or have not played out in each of your families’ histories. This is good because you have examples of what worked and what didn’t work. To your point, though, you should not belabor the past. Note the mistakes that others have made. Together, set a course for how you intend to guide your steps and keep it moving. You should also accept that you will make mistakes along the way, but if you focus on living by your values, your missteps should not derail your life. Accept that you are not your family members. The two of you are building your own life together. You get to make independent choices and feel confident in your decisions.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)