DEAR HARRIETTE: I started a new job and want to become more social with my colleagues. They invite me to happy hours and evening work events, and everyone is very nice and great to be around. However, I feel like I am an outsider, or I don’t match the same energy as the others. I am an introvert, but I want to learn to become more social and improve my networking skills. I want to come out of my shell, but I am afraid I may come off as fake and not my authentic self. How do I show interest and improve my networking skills while still being me? -- Shy Girl, Seattle

DEAR SHY GIRL: The good news is that your co-workers are actively pursuing you and working to include you in their after-work events. This means they like you and want to get to know you better.

Remember that most people like to talk about themselves. Observe your co-workers and notice little things about each of them that point to their personalities and interests. When you are sitting near them at these after-work gatherings, bring up what you have observed about them. For example, if a co-worker loves animals, ask him to tell you about his pets. If another is into sports, ask what her favorite teams are. Simple questions that show you are paying attention will get your co-workers talking and engaging with you. Give it time to find your comfort zone.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband and I want to start a family, and we have talked about how we would like to raise our children with specific values and morals. But sometimes he thinks too much about the mistakes his family members have made and plans ways to avoid them. I try to tell him that some of those things you can’t control and sometimes you must adjust. Do you think it is healthy to look at others’ mistakes and change or plan your life so you can avoid the same mistakes? How do I tell my husband that he shouldn’t worry himself so much and focus on our future? -- Worried Wife, Aberdeen, Maryland

DEAR WORRIED WIFE: It is good to talk through your values and about how they have or have not played out in each of your families’ histories. This is good because you have examples of what worked and what didn’t work. To your point, though, you should not belabor the past. Note the mistakes that others have made. Together, set a course for how you intend to guide your steps and keep it moving. You should also accept that you will make mistakes along the way, but if you focus on living by your values, your missteps should not derail your life. Accept that you are not your family members. The two of you are building your own life together. You get to make independent choices and feel confident in your decisions.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a father of three, with one son. I want to have a better relationship with him, but I don’t know how to get closer to him. We used to be very close; we attended baseball games together, went out to dinner almost every week, etc.

My son is 18 years old, which I understand is a time when teenagers spread their wings, but I miss the close relationship my son and I used to have. Every time I text him to see how he is doing or to make plans, he responds with one word. I want to reconnect with him, but I'm not sure how to do this in a way that doesn’t seem too pushy. Do you have any ideas on how a father can regain the closeness with his son? -- Dad Missing Son, Denver

DEAR DAD MISSING SON: Your best chance to rekindle a close bond with your son right now is to tap into his interests. Figure out what he enjoys doing, and invite him to do that with you. It is the job of teenagers to flex their independence. They should spend time away from their parents. For this reason, you should not get too upset with him.

Engaging him in ways that spark his interest is the best way to capture his attention -- for now. Consider inviting his friends to join you for the outings that you plan. This may also resonate for him.

Finally, know that one-word answers are common for young people who primarily use social media. Rather than letting that upset you, realize that it is the way he communicates. More than likely, everybody gets one-word responses from him. Continue to pay close attention to your son to ensure that the distance he is creating is not a sign of bad behavior.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I will be applying to numerous jobs in the upcoming months, and I know some places ask for letters of reference. As a businesswoman, do you think it is better to get a letter of reference from a professor the person is close with, or a previous employer who might not have as much of a personal opinion on the person?

I will be applying to different companies, so should the letter change depending on the type of company I am applying to? -- Letters of Reference, Jackson, Mississippi

DEAR LETTERS OF REFERENCE: I recommend that you secure multiple letters of recommendation from people who know you in different ways. A professor who taught you and knows your study habits and capabilities is excellent. You should also include any employer you have worked with who you think would give you a positive report. The employer doesn’t have to know you extremely well. Instead, the employer should be able to speak to your focus as an employee, your commitment to the work and your ability to get the job done.

What’s most important when you apply to different types of jobs is that your cover letter be specific to the role you are applying for. It is up to you to showcase your assets in the best possible manner. Your letters of recommendation serve as backup to your presentation.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been talking to my parents recently about going abroad for a semester. My school offers a program where you can take classes toward your degree in a different country, and I think it would be a great experience for me. My dad is on board with this idea because he went abroad and said it was one of the greatest experiences of his life. My mother, on the other hand, is apprehensive about the idea of me going to a foreign country for four months. I want her blessing before I go, but she is very stubborn when it comes to this. How do you think I should handle this situation with my mother? I want to convince her that I will be OK going abroad and that this is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. -- Persuasive Daughter, Boston

DEAR PERSUASIVE DAUGHTER: Do you have an ally at school who knows more about the program? Perhaps a guidance counselor or the professor who is organizing this program can talk to your parents about the experience, how long it has been in existence, what kinds of precautions are in place to protect the students, what guidelines they must follow, etc. This may not allay all her fears, but information is power and can help your mother to feel more at ease if she knows that the school isn’t just dropping you off in a foreign country and leaving you to your own devices.

You should also think about your own behavior. What can you tell your mother about how you comport yourself that may help her to believe that you will be responsible and cautious while abroad?

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am 18 years old. My parents have recently started talking about stopping paying my cellphone bill. They think that since I am 18, I should be paying for my own service. I don’t understand their thinking; I do not have a steady income to pay my bill. Their approach to this is that I should be taking on some responsibility, but I don’t see how this will teach me. I feel like the only thing it will teach me is to use less data and make fewer calls. Do you think it’s normal for someone my age to pay their own cellphone bill? Is there an average age where parents stop paying for their children’s bills? -- Struggling Teenager, Jackson, Mississippi

DEAR STRUGGLING TEENAGER: There are plenty of teenagers who do not have cellphones at all. So you should step back from your thoughts about unfairness. Instead, get creative. How can you earn money? Can you do anything around your house that your parents would be willing to pay for? Adding chores to your list of things to do might inspire them either to pay you or to defray the cellphone cost.

Look in your neighborhood. Can you cut grass? Baby-sit? Tutor younger kids? Is there a local coffee shop or retail store that needs help? Your parents are letting you know that you need to find a part-time job. Stop complaining and find one. You will probably love the independence and cash you get as a result.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)