life

College Student Wants Mom's Blessing to Study Abroad

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | February 24th, 2018 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been talking to my parents recently about going abroad for a semester. My school offers a program where you can take classes toward your degree in a different country, and I think it would be a great experience for me. My dad is on board with this idea because he went abroad and said it was one of the greatest experiences of his life. My mother, on the other hand, is apprehensive about the idea of me going to a foreign country for four months. I want her blessing before I go, but she is very stubborn when it comes to this. How do you think I should handle this situation with my mother? I want to convince her that I will be OK going abroad and that this is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. -- Persuasive Daughter, Boston

DEAR PERSUASIVE DAUGHTER: Do you have an ally at school who knows more about the program? Perhaps a guidance counselor or the professor who is organizing this program can talk to your parents about the experience, how long it has been in existence, what kinds of precautions are in place to protect the students, what guidelines they must follow, etc. This may not allay all her fears, but information is power and can help your mother to feel more at ease if she knows that the school isn’t just dropping you off in a foreign country and leaving you to your own devices.

You should also think about your own behavior. What can you tell your mother about how you comport yourself that may help her to believe that you will be responsible and cautious while abroad?

life

Sense & Sensitivity for February 24, 2018

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | February 24th, 2018 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am 18 years old. My parents have recently started talking about stopping paying my cellphone bill. They think that since I am 18, I should be paying for my own service. I don’t understand their thinking; I do not have a steady income to pay my bill. Their approach to this is that I should be taking on some responsibility, but I don’t see how this will teach me. I feel like the only thing it will teach me is to use less data and make fewer calls. Do you think it’s normal for someone my age to pay their own cellphone bill? Is there an average age where parents stop paying for their children’s bills? -- Struggling Teenager, Jackson, Mississippi

DEAR STRUGGLING TEENAGER: There are plenty of teenagers who do not have cellphones at all. So you should step back from your thoughts about unfairness. Instead, get creative. How can you earn money? Can you do anything around your house that your parents would be willing to pay for? Adding chores to your list of things to do might inspire them either to pay you or to defray the cellphone cost.

Look in your neighborhood. Can you cut grass? Baby-sit? Tutor younger kids? Is there a local coffee shop or retail store that needs help? Your parents are letting you know that you need to find a part-time job. Stop complaining and find one. You will probably love the independence and cash you get as a result.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

life

Reader Annoyed by Loud Customer

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | February 23rd, 2018 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: Today I was sitting in Starbucks doing my work. A man came down to sit next to me, which of course I had no problem with -- until he started watching an obnoxious video on his phone without any headphones on. I understand that it is a public space, but everyone else in the store was reading or doing work. He was easily the loudest person in there because of his phone. I kept giving the man looks and then would look at his phone, giving him the hint that it was very loud and distracting, but he just sat there chuckling at whatever he was watching. Do you think I should have said something? -- Annoyed Starbucks Customer, Portland, Oregon

DEAR ANNOYED STARBUCKS CUSTOMER: Ever since coffee shops became the go-to place for many people to do their work, an unspoken understanding has arisen: Be mindful of your personal space and that of others. This translates into people commonly being conscious of the volume of their conversations and their devices.

You could have nicely asked him to turn the volume down on his phone. It could be that he didn’t realize that he was being a distraction.

life

Sense & Sensitivity for February 23, 2018

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | February 23rd, 2018 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a rising senior in college, which means I will soon be stepping into the real world and taking on big responsibilities. I am more excited than nervous for this step in my life, except for the fact that I need to find a job. All my peers seem to have either already accepted a job or have one set up. I feel like I am doing something wrong since I don’t have a job offer yet.

Do you know how I should start searching for a job, or if there is a good time when a lot of employers are hiring in New York City? My parents do not live here. Plus, they aren’t willing to take care of me after I graduate. I need to figure this out on my own. -- Stressed-Out Senior, Queens, New York

DEAR STRESSED-OUT SENIOR: Take stock of your career aspirations. What would be your dream job? Think about that and identify a title for it. Then start looking at job postings in that field online. Talk to your career counselor about job leads as well. Many schools receive job postings on a regular basis.

Beyond your dream, be practical. What skills do you have that you can use to earn money? Many college graduates do not start out in their field of choice. If you must work upon graduation, expand your horizons and look for part-time gigs, paid internships or jobs that are peripheral to your interests but that keep you close to your goal. Also check with your school to see if there are any on-campus jobs available. Sometimes students can work in the administrative office even after graduating.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

life

Girlfriend Getting Nervous About Ski Trip

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | February 22nd, 2018 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: My boyfriend grew up skiing his whole life, as did all of his friends. I have never skied in my life. This spring break, our friends (who are all couples) decided they want to go on a ski trip to Aspen, Colorado. I agreed I would go along because I didn’t want to be the Debbie Downer of the group. As the trip gets closer, I am getting more nervous about the fact that everyone else on the trip are avid skiers, whereas I am a beginner. I have signed up for a couple of ski lessons while I am there, but I feel like I will be left out of most of the activities because I don’t ski. What can I do to make the best out of this trip? How can I feel included? -- Girlfriend Who Can’t Ski, Roxbury, Massachusetts

DEAR GIRLFRIEND WHO CAN’T SKI: Talk to your boyfriend about your conundrum. Ask him if he will spend a little time with you on the beginner slopes. You can call it a date! This should happen after you have taken at least one lesson so that you have the fundamentals in mind.

Decide that you are going to have fun. While most activities are on the snow, usually there are things to do inside in the lodge -- from watching movies to going to the spa (depending upon where you are staying) to hanging out and reading a book. Keep your eyes open. Chances are, there will be others there who are not skiing for whatever reason. Strike up a conversation with them. Plan activities with your friends for when they come back. You can make it work.

life

Sense & Sensitivity for February 22, 2018

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | February 22nd, 2018 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am writing to you not about myself, but about a close friend of mine. She has been one of my best friends for eight years now. She has been dating her current boyfriend for about two years. I have started to notice that I see less of her, and the only times I do get to see my friend are when her boyfriend is busy. To me, it seems like her whole schedule and life revolve around her boyfriend and his schedule.

My friend's relationship is none of my business, but I’m getting tired of being her backup plan and being used when it is convenient for her. Should I say something to her, or not bother bringing it up? -- Best Friend Vs. Boyfriend, Albuquerque, New Mexico

DEAR BEST FRIEND VS. BOYFRIEND: Yours is a classic tale, even though it feels fresh now that it's happening to you personally. Friends frequently lose sight of their besties when they fall in love. It’s almost like time suspends and they don’t realize that the rest of the people in their world have fallen to the wayside.

You can point out to your friend that you miss her and that you are beginning to feel neglected. Suggest that you create a standing date with her, perhaps once a month. Ask her to honor your time and not dump you if the boyfriend calls. See if bringing it to her attention coupled with a positive plan of action helps.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

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