DEAR HARRIETTE: My friends are planning a trip to Florida for spring break. As much as I would love to go with them and spend a week in the sun, I am hoping that I will be asked to work that week. My friends keep asking me to book my flights and get the trip organized, but I have yet to do so. Although there is not a guarantee that I will be asked by the family I nanny for to watch their kids that week, I would rather stay home and save the money.

I want to either a) work through my spring break with the family, or b) stay home, not participate in any spring break plans and save the money. With either option, I need to break it to my friends that I won’t be coming to Florida with them. How do I do this without making it seem like I’m ditching their plans just to avoid spending time with them? -- Spring Breaker, Philadelphia

DEAR SPRING BREAKER: You owe it to your friends to be honest with them. It is likely that they need a certain number of participants in order to make the trip affordable. You are clear that you do not intend to go, so tell them you are so sorry, but you won’t be attending. Tell them the truth -- you hope to be working that week and that if your employer does not hire you, you still need to stay home and save money. Though your friends will be disappointed, they all have to understand expenses. Be transparent. Saying you can’t afford it is real. Being responsible for yourself is smart. Being responsible to your friends is thoughtful.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My boyfriend and I are in a long-distance relationship. We’ve been doing things this way for a while now, and it is difficult. One of the biggest problems is scheduling trips to see each other. I recently returned from a weekend visit with him, but one of the things that has not left my mind is the fact that we don’t have another time scheduled to see each other. This may just be my planner-personality, but I always want to discuss when the next time we will see each other is going to be. My boyfriend, on the other hand, does not think this way. I want him to be the one to bring up scheduling another visit, or make a plan, but I don’t want to push him. What do I do? How do I get my significant other to start making our plans? -- The Planner, Portland, Oregon

DEAR THE PLANNER: You have to manage your expectations and understanding of how the two of you operate in your relationship. If you have always been the one to create the schedule, it is unrealistic to believe that suddenly your boyfriend will become that person. It is unfair to resent your boyfriend for behavior patterns that the two of you have established over time.

Talk to your boyfriend and tell him how you feel. Ask him if he would be willing to plan a visit or at least plan along with you. More likely to be successful, though, is if you speak up and talk about when you might see each other next. Be proactive, and if your boyfriend pushes back, tell him you would love for him to plan it, but since he hasn’t, you just want to map out a schedule.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My birthday is coming up, and I am torn about what I should do. My friends from college want me to come back and celebrate with them, my boyfriend wants me to visit him for the weekend and my friends from home want me to stay at home so I can celebrate with them. Ideally, I would love to see all of these people on my birthday or that weekend, but I know how unrealistic that is. Is there any way I could make a decision that hurts the fewest number of people? I’m not sure what I want to do, so any advice on how I should weigh the pros and cons of each situation would be much appreciated! -- Birthday Plan Problems, Sarasota, Florida

DEAR BIRTHDAY PLAN PROBLEMS: Sit back and think about what you would most like to do for your birthday -- and with whom. Next, analyze if it’s possible for any of your friends to come together so that you can be with some or all of them. Talk to your boyfriend and tell him your dilemma and your desire to celebrate with everyone. Ask him to come to wherever you will be.

If not everyone can travel to be together, choose where you want to go for your birthday, and tell the others that you will make a plan to see them in the near future. Do not discuss every detail with all of your friends, as that will get them too involved and lead to unmanaged expectations.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a college student who still lives in the dorms on campus. My roommate just got sick, and I am worried I am going to get sick. I have a ton of exams next week and cannot afford to catch anything. I have done all the proper precautions, like taking vitamin C drinks and washing my hands constantly.

I feel bad for my roommate and try to help her as much as I can, but I try to stay out of the room as much as possible. Whenever I come home, there are always tissues all over the room. I know that she can’t help being ill, but I think she could be a little more considerate and try to keep her dirty tissues in one place so the sickness is not being spread around even more. Should I bring this up to her now while she is sick, or just forget about it and deal with the dirty tissues? -- Tissue-Monster Roommate, Cambridge, Massachusetts

DEAR TISSUE-MONSTER ROOMMATE: You should speak to your roommate immediately. Ask her to put her tissues in a closed garbage can or bag right after use. Tell her how sorry you are that she is sick and that you are working overtime not to get sick yourself. Ask her to support the health of your room by keeping it as tidy as possible. Be kind and acknowledge that you know she doesn’t feel well. Point out that this year there are record numbers of people getting the flu and other illnesses. Ask her to help you by not spreading her germs.

You should keep up with your preventive regimen, especially keeping your hands and surfaces clean, not touching your face or mouth and keeping your home tidy.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband and I just had our first child. We are loving being parents so far, but are having a serious debate about whether we should be teaching our daughter how to swim. My husband was trained to swim as an infant by his parents and supervised by an instructor. He explained to me the process of infant swim training. He says he is glad his parents made him go through this, and he wants to put our daughter in these classes. I have looked up online what the training entails, and I am disturbed by it. There has been controversy about whether it is good for the child. My husband is very set on this, but I am not 100 percent comfortable with it. How do I get him to change his mind about the swim classes? -- Not for Swim Training My Infant, Washington, D.C.

DEAR NOT FOR SWIM TRAINING MY INFANT: Full disclosure: I learned to swim at age 4. My younger sister was a few months old. I got my daughter swim lessons starting at 11 months old. In other words, I am a believer in early swim training. That said, I feel strongly that you should find a certified swim teacher for your infant. What you can do to feel more comfortable is to identify a class that is focused on infants. We used the YMCA, which has swim programs across the country.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a 28-year-old woman who is in a steady relationship. I am currently on birth control (an IUD that lasts three years at a time). I am due to have it removed next month. I have discussed it with my partner, but I have not asked him if I should be getting another IUD that lasts three years. I don’t want to assume that we will be having a child anytime soon, but I also don’t want to automatically throw it off the table by getting another birth control device put in. Should I discuss this with my boyfriend, and if so, how? -- Birth Control Confused, Charlotte, North Carolina

DEAR BIRTH CONTROL CONFUSED: Given your age, the status of your relationship and the parameters of your birth control method, it is time for you to have a serious talk with your boyfriend about the future. If you get the IUD now, you will be 31 before you remove it. Do you want to wait that long to consider having a child? Decide for yourself what you think about your future, and then broach the topic with your boyfriend.

Birth control can sometimes make a couple feel like the pressure to make decisions about the future has been removed, but that should not be the case. Now is a perfect time for you to talk about your plans. What do the two of you want for your lives? This should include whether you think you are in the relationship for the long haul, whether you want to have children and, if so, when. If your boyfriend gets agitated when you bring this up, remind him that there is a natural reason for it. You have to decide about the IUD.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)