DEAR HARRIETTE: My birthday is coming up, and I am torn about what I should do. My friends from college want me to come back and celebrate with them, my boyfriend wants me to visit him for the weekend and my friends from home want me to stay at home so I can celebrate with them. Ideally, I would love to see all of these people on my birthday or that weekend, but I know how unrealistic that is. Is there any way I could make a decision that hurts the fewest number of people? I’m not sure what I want to do, so any advice on how I should weigh the pros and cons of each situation would be much appreciated! -- Birthday Plan Problems, Sarasota, Florida

DEAR BIRTHDAY PLAN PROBLEMS: Sit back and think about what you would most like to do for your birthday -- and with whom. Next, analyze if it’s possible for any of your friends to come together so that you can be with some or all of them. Talk to your boyfriend and tell him your dilemma and your desire to celebrate with everyone. Ask him to come to wherever you will be.

If not everyone can travel to be together, choose where you want to go for your birthday, and tell the others that you will make a plan to see them in the near future. Do not discuss every detail with all of your friends, as that will get them too involved and lead to unmanaged expectations.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a college student who still lives in the dorms on campus. My roommate just got sick, and I am worried I am going to get sick. I have a ton of exams next week and cannot afford to catch anything. I have done all the proper precautions, like taking vitamin C drinks and washing my hands constantly.

I feel bad for my roommate and try to help her as much as I can, but I try to stay out of the room as much as possible. Whenever I come home, there are always tissues all over the room. I know that she can’t help being ill, but I think she could be a little more considerate and try to keep her dirty tissues in one place so the sickness is not being spread around even more. Should I bring this up to her now while she is sick, or just forget about it and deal with the dirty tissues? -- Tissue-Monster Roommate, Cambridge, Massachusetts

DEAR TISSUE-MONSTER ROOMMATE: You should speak to your roommate immediately. Ask her to put her tissues in a closed garbage can or bag right after use. Tell her how sorry you are that she is sick and that you are working overtime not to get sick yourself. Ask her to support the health of your room by keeping it as tidy as possible. Be kind and acknowledge that you know she doesn’t feel well. Point out that this year there are record numbers of people getting the flu and other illnesses. Ask her to help you by not spreading her germs.

You should keep up with your preventive regimen, especially keeping your hands and surfaces clean, not touching your face or mouth and keeping your home tidy.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband and I just had our first child. We are loving being parents so far, but are having a serious debate about whether we should be teaching our daughter how to swim. My husband was trained to swim as an infant by his parents and supervised by an instructor. He explained to me the process of infant swim training. He says he is glad his parents made him go through this, and he wants to put our daughter in these classes. I have looked up online what the training entails, and I am disturbed by it. There has been controversy about whether it is good for the child. My husband is very set on this, but I am not 100 percent comfortable with it. How do I get him to change his mind about the swim classes? -- Not for Swim Training My Infant, Washington, D.C.

DEAR NOT FOR SWIM TRAINING MY INFANT: Full disclosure: I learned to swim at age 4. My younger sister was a few months old. I got my daughter swim lessons starting at 11 months old. In other words, I am a believer in early swim training. That said, I feel strongly that you should find a certified swim teacher for your infant. What you can do to feel more comfortable is to identify a class that is focused on infants. We used the YMCA, which has swim programs across the country.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a 28-year-old woman who is in a steady relationship. I am currently on birth control (an IUD that lasts three years at a time). I am due to have it removed next month. I have discussed it with my partner, but I have not asked him if I should be getting another IUD that lasts three years. I don’t want to assume that we will be having a child anytime soon, but I also don’t want to automatically throw it off the table by getting another birth control device put in. Should I discuss this with my boyfriend, and if so, how? -- Birth Control Confused, Charlotte, North Carolina

DEAR BIRTH CONTROL CONFUSED: Given your age, the status of your relationship and the parameters of your birth control method, it is time for you to have a serious talk with your boyfriend about the future. If you get the IUD now, you will be 31 before you remove it. Do you want to wait that long to consider having a child? Decide for yourself what you think about your future, and then broach the topic with your boyfriend.

Birth control can sometimes make a couple feel like the pressure to make decisions about the future has been removed, but that should not be the case. Now is a perfect time for you to talk about your plans. What do the two of you want for your lives? This should include whether you think you are in the relationship for the long haul, whether you want to have children and, if so, when. If your boyfriend gets agitated when you bring this up, remind him that there is a natural reason for it. You have to decide about the IUD.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m feeling very sad and a little scared right now. I just learned that a man I used to know many years ago died from the flu. He was in his mid-50s.

I’ve read about the flu being lethal this year, but this has hit close to home. Like so many people, this guy didn’t have insurance, so he was trying to heal at home. He didn’t go to the doctor when he was feeling sick because he couldn’t afford it. I’m told that he was resting at home trying to get better, but he ended up dying in his house. I feel so bad about this. Sad for him that he died alone, even though he had a lot of friends.

Also, it’s scary. I don’t have insurance. When I get sick, I go to the doctor only if it’s really bad. I’m guessing he had no idea he could possibly die. How can you know that for sure? I am feeling my mortality and not knowing what to do right now. -- Fearing Death, Milwaukee

DEAR FEARING DEATH: It has been reported that this year’s flu epidemic rivals that of 2009, when our country battled swine flu. Many people are suffering, and quite a few -- from children all the way to elders -- have died. The threat of this illness is real.

For people who do not have insurance, you can still get medical help if you feel you are in a life-or-death situation. You cannot be turned away at a hospital emergency room. You will be treated and will be able to pay later for the service. Obviously, you don’t want to do that unless it’s necessary. Warning signs that you could be in trouble, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, include difficulty breathing or shortness of breath, pain or pressure in the chest or abdomen, sudden dizziness, confusion, severe or persistent vomiting or flulike symptoms that improve but then return with fever and worse cough. For more information about the flu, go to cdc.gov/flu/takingcare.htm.

You are also grieving. Even though you were not close to this man, his death has stirred a lot of concerns in you. This is normal. Consider attending a grief workshop. You may be able to find a free one at a local house of worship.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My sister was recently diagnosed with cancer, and it sounds like it’s pretty bad. She has decided not to tell anyone about her illness because the doctors have told her that there’s nothing she can do about it, and she doesn’t want to worry her husband or friends. I think this is crazy. Her husband is going to be devastated and angry if he doesn’t find out before she dies. I also think he will be angry with me for keeping my sister’s secret. Do you think I should tell him? I know this is my sister’s life, but I feel like I’m caught in a terrible situation. -- Should I Tell?, Aberdeen, Maryland

DEAR SHOULD I TELL?: You should not tell anyone without your sister’s permission. You do have a heavy burden to bear since she told you, but your duty is to stay true to her. Do your best to tend to her needs. Ask her what she would like you to tell them when the time comes. Perhaps you can get her to write something or talk it through with you.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)