DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband and I just had our first child. We are loving being parents so far, but are having a serious debate about whether we should be teaching our daughter how to swim. My husband was trained to swim as an infant by his parents and supervised by an instructor. He explained to me the process of infant swim training. He says he is glad his parents made him go through this, and he wants to put our daughter in these classes. I have looked up online what the training entails, and I am disturbed by it. There has been controversy about whether it is good for the child. My husband is very set on this, but I am not 100 percent comfortable with it. How do I get him to change his mind about the swim classes? -- Not for Swim Training My Infant, Washington, D.C.

DEAR NOT FOR SWIM TRAINING MY INFANT: Full disclosure: I learned to swim at age 4. My younger sister was a few months old. I got my daughter swim lessons starting at 11 months old. In other words, I am a believer in early swim training. That said, I feel strongly that you should find a certified swim teacher for your infant. What you can do to feel more comfortable is to identify a class that is focused on infants. We used the YMCA, which has swim programs across the country.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a 28-year-old woman who is in a steady relationship. I am currently on birth control (an IUD that lasts three years at a time). I am due to have it removed next month. I have discussed it with my partner, but I have not asked him if I should be getting another IUD that lasts three years. I don’t want to assume that we will be having a child anytime soon, but I also don’t want to automatically throw it off the table by getting another birth control device put in. Should I discuss this with my boyfriend, and if so, how? -- Birth Control Confused, Charlotte, North Carolina

DEAR BIRTH CONTROL CONFUSED: Given your age, the status of your relationship and the parameters of your birth control method, it is time for you to have a serious talk with your boyfriend about the future. If you get the IUD now, you will be 31 before you remove it. Do you want to wait that long to consider having a child? Decide for yourself what you think about your future, and then broach the topic with your boyfriend.

Birth control can sometimes make a couple feel like the pressure to make decisions about the future has been removed, but that should not be the case. Now is a perfect time for you to talk about your plans. What do the two of you want for your lives? This should include whether you think you are in the relationship for the long haul, whether you want to have children and, if so, when. If your boyfriend gets agitated when you bring this up, remind him that there is a natural reason for it. You have to decide about the IUD.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m feeling very sad and a little scared right now. I just learned that a man I used to know many years ago died from the flu. He was in his mid-50s.

I’ve read about the flu being lethal this year, but this has hit close to home. Like so many people, this guy didn’t have insurance, so he was trying to heal at home. He didn’t go to the doctor when he was feeling sick because he couldn’t afford it. I’m told that he was resting at home trying to get better, but he ended up dying in his house. I feel so bad about this. Sad for him that he died alone, even though he had a lot of friends.

Also, it’s scary. I don’t have insurance. When I get sick, I go to the doctor only if it’s really bad. I’m guessing he had no idea he could possibly die. How can you know that for sure? I am feeling my mortality and not knowing what to do right now. -- Fearing Death, Milwaukee

DEAR FEARING DEATH: It has been reported that this year’s flu epidemic rivals that of 2009, when our country battled swine flu. Many people are suffering, and quite a few -- from children all the way to elders -- have died. The threat of this illness is real.

For people who do not have insurance, you can still get medical help if you feel you are in a life-or-death situation. You cannot be turned away at a hospital emergency room. You will be treated and will be able to pay later for the service. Obviously, you don’t want to do that unless it’s necessary. Warning signs that you could be in trouble, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, include difficulty breathing or shortness of breath, pain or pressure in the chest or abdomen, sudden dizziness, confusion, severe or persistent vomiting or flulike symptoms that improve but then return with fever and worse cough. For more information about the flu, go to cdc.gov/flu/takingcare.htm.

You are also grieving. Even though you were not close to this man, his death has stirred a lot of concerns in you. This is normal. Consider attending a grief workshop. You may be able to find a free one at a local house of worship.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My sister was recently diagnosed with cancer, and it sounds like it’s pretty bad. She has decided not to tell anyone about her illness because the doctors have told her that there’s nothing she can do about it, and she doesn’t want to worry her husband or friends. I think this is crazy. Her husband is going to be devastated and angry if he doesn’t find out before she dies. I also think he will be angry with me for keeping my sister’s secret. Do you think I should tell him? I know this is my sister’s life, but I feel like I’m caught in a terrible situation. -- Should I Tell?, Aberdeen, Maryland

DEAR SHOULD I TELL?: You should not tell anyone without your sister’s permission. You do have a heavy burden to bear since she told you, but your duty is to stay true to her. Do your best to tend to her needs. Ask her what she would like you to tell them when the time comes. Perhaps you can get her to write something or talk it through with you.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am what we call middle-aged. I just turned 50, and it is unnerving me. I thought my life would be different than it is. Don't get me wrong -- things are OK. I am a single mom of an irritable teenage daughter. I have a good job and a nice home, but I am kind of bored with my life. When I was younger, I thought I would be living very differently by now.

I hate that I sound like I’m having a midlife crisis. I’ve heard about that, of course. Now I’m thinking there must be some truth to it. I am stressed and sad most of the time. I snap at my daughter on a daily basis, and I don’t know how to get out of this spiral of emotions. -- SOS, Dallas

DEAR SOS: Questioning your life’s choices and value is common for men and women around your age. And, yes, it can be daunting to live through a period when things seem hopeless, stagnant or boring. Add to that a child who is discovering herself and pushing the boundaries, and you have a recipe for daily discomfort. One thing that could make you feel somewhat better is acknowledging that you are not alone. Many people suffer from similar feelings and attitudes at this stage in their lives. That said, if you cannot shake off the negativity, get some help. That can include professional support, like going to a therapist. You can also add an activity to your schedule that you consider fun. Pick a hobby, class or outing that you can do every week, either alone or with a friend, that will break your current patterns and get you to think differently about your life.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Mostly I communicate with people via email or text. I realized recently that I hardly ever talk to people on the phone.

Given that, I don’t understand why people who know me hardly ever spell my name right. I have a slightly different spelling than the average person, but some of the people who misspell my name have very unusual names that I get right. I find this annoying. It is my name, for crying out loud. I often send a little reminder note at the end of a communication pointing out the correct spelling of my name. Even then, people often don’t take the time to spell it right in the next communication. What can I do to get people to care? -- Spell My Name Right, Cleveland

DEAR SPELL MY NAME RIGHT: I suffer from the same problem. There are three ways to spell my name, mine being the longest and most old-fashioned, I think. I have done the same thing as you: In a pleasant FYI, I tell the person my correct spelling followed by a smiley face. It works less than half the time.

Here’s something you can test out. For someone who is not a business associate -- as you don’t want to beta test with your livelihood -- misspell that person’s name in your communication. Hopefully the person will notice and say something, to which you can say, “See how it feels?! Now, would you please try to spell my name right?” It’s worth a shot.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)