DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m feeling very sad and a little scared right now. I just learned that a man I used to know many years ago died from the flu. He was in his mid-50s.

I’ve read about the flu being lethal this year, but this has hit close to home. Like so many people, this guy didn’t have insurance, so he was trying to heal at home. He didn’t go to the doctor when he was feeling sick because he couldn’t afford it. I’m told that he was resting at home trying to get better, but he ended up dying in his house. I feel so bad about this. Sad for him that he died alone, even though he had a lot of friends.

Also, it’s scary. I don’t have insurance. When I get sick, I go to the doctor only if it’s really bad. I’m guessing he had no idea he could possibly die. How can you know that for sure? I am feeling my mortality and not knowing what to do right now. -- Fearing Death, Milwaukee

DEAR FEARING DEATH: It has been reported that this year’s flu epidemic rivals that of 2009, when our country battled swine flu. Many people are suffering, and quite a few -- from children all the way to elders -- have died. The threat of this illness is real.

For people who do not have insurance, you can still get medical help if you feel you are in a life-or-death situation. You cannot be turned away at a hospital emergency room. You will be treated and will be able to pay later for the service. Obviously, you don’t want to do that unless it’s necessary. Warning signs that you could be in trouble, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, include difficulty breathing or shortness of breath, pain or pressure in the chest or abdomen, sudden dizziness, confusion, severe or persistent vomiting or flulike symptoms that improve but then return with fever and worse cough. For more information about the flu, go to cdc.gov/flu/takingcare.htm.

You are also grieving. Even though you were not close to this man, his death has stirred a lot of concerns in you. This is normal. Consider attending a grief workshop. You may be able to find a free one at a local house of worship.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My sister was recently diagnosed with cancer, and it sounds like it’s pretty bad. She has decided not to tell anyone about her illness because the doctors have told her that there’s nothing she can do about it, and she doesn’t want to worry her husband or friends. I think this is crazy. Her husband is going to be devastated and angry if he doesn’t find out before she dies. I also think he will be angry with me for keeping my sister’s secret. Do you think I should tell him? I know this is my sister’s life, but I feel like I’m caught in a terrible situation. -- Should I Tell?, Aberdeen, Maryland

DEAR SHOULD I TELL?: You should not tell anyone without your sister’s permission. You do have a heavy burden to bear since she told you, but your duty is to stay true to her. Do your best to tend to her needs. Ask her what she would like you to tell them when the time comes. Perhaps you can get her to write something or talk it through with you.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am what we call middle-aged. I just turned 50, and it is unnerving me. I thought my life would be different than it is. Don't get me wrong -- things are OK. I am a single mom of an irritable teenage daughter. I have a good job and a nice home, but I am kind of bored with my life. When I was younger, I thought I would be living very differently by now.

I hate that I sound like I’m having a midlife crisis. I’ve heard about that, of course. Now I’m thinking there must be some truth to it. I am stressed and sad most of the time. I snap at my daughter on a daily basis, and I don’t know how to get out of this spiral of emotions. -- SOS, Dallas

DEAR SOS: Questioning your life’s choices and value is common for men and women around your age. And, yes, it can be daunting to live through a period when things seem hopeless, stagnant or boring. Add to that a child who is discovering herself and pushing the boundaries, and you have a recipe for daily discomfort. One thing that could make you feel somewhat better is acknowledging that you are not alone. Many people suffer from similar feelings and attitudes at this stage in their lives. That said, if you cannot shake off the negativity, get some help. That can include professional support, like going to a therapist. You can also add an activity to your schedule that you consider fun. Pick a hobby, class or outing that you can do every week, either alone or with a friend, that will break your current patterns and get you to think differently about your life.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Mostly I communicate with people via email or text. I realized recently that I hardly ever talk to people on the phone.

Given that, I don’t understand why people who know me hardly ever spell my name right. I have a slightly different spelling than the average person, but some of the people who misspell my name have very unusual names that I get right. I find this annoying. It is my name, for crying out loud. I often send a little reminder note at the end of a communication pointing out the correct spelling of my name. Even then, people often don’t take the time to spell it right in the next communication. What can I do to get people to care? -- Spell My Name Right, Cleveland

DEAR SPELL MY NAME RIGHT: I suffer from the same problem. There are three ways to spell my name, mine being the longest and most old-fashioned, I think. I have done the same thing as you: In a pleasant FYI, I tell the person my correct spelling followed by a smiley face. It works less than half the time.

Here’s something you can test out. For someone who is not a business associate -- as you don’t want to beta test with your livelihood -- misspell that person’s name in your communication. Hopefully the person will notice and say something, to which you can say, “See how it feels?! Now, would you please try to spell my name right?” It’s worth a shot.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My boyfriend (of six years) and I have been living together for three years. He is great, and I love living with him. He works at a suit store as the manager, and he enjoys what he does. However, recently he has been talking to one of his buddies about joining his startup tech company. When my boyfriend talks about this company, you can see his face light up with excitement, and I can tell this is the type of thing he is interested in.

I want to be there for him if he decides to join this startup, but at the same time, there is a voice in the back of my head saying, “I’m going to have to work double.” Our income used to be about equal and we split everything, but if he joins this tech startup, his income will be significantly lower.

Should my boyfriend and I be discussing this type of thing before he accepts the offer, or will it seem like I am discouraging him from following his dream? -- Half-Income Couple, New Orleans

DEAR HALF-INCOME COUPLE: The two of you should sit down and map out a strategy. Life always presents risks and options. You must figure out together if this option is worth the risk. Figure out how much money your boyfriend and you have saved and if you have enough to serve as a cushion while he is working to build the new business. Research the particular field that this company is in to learn how viable other companies like it have been.

Evaluate your own job, and determine whether you could upgrade based on time spent there or if you were to entertain a move to another company. Exhaust all possibilities in your discussion and research so that ultimately you make an informed decision that you both stand by.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a 24-year-old guy who graduated college a couple of years ago. I have a job in Philadelphia, but I am still living with my parents at home. I am so tired of commuting an hour by train every day into work. I need to decide whether I want to continue to commute to a job and company I love working for, or look for a job closer to home. If I choose to get a job outside of Philly, it might not be a better job, but it will save me the commute time and money. I’m not sure which option is better -- paying money to commute every day to a great job, or going through the process of finding another job that might not be so great, but will shorten my daily commute. -- Commuter Boy, Philadelphia

DEAR COMMUTER BOY: I have to ask you the obvious question: Why can’t you find another place to live? You are a grown man. You can look for housing with a roommate to keep the costs down. It shouldn’t be hard to find housing closer to your job. You can still visit your parents, but you do not have to live with them.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)