DEAR HARRIETTE: My immediate family and I spent Thanksgiving with our extended family, as we always do. This year, my teenage son was spending time with his older cousins, and they hung out at stores participating in Black Friday sales until very late at night. I was nervous about this, as one of the older cousins has found himself in trouble over the years.

I couldn’t sleep until my son got home. I asked about all that they did, but I didn’t get much information. It seems like all went well, but I’m worried about how to protect my son but also allow him to spend time with his cousins. I know they love each other, and I want them to be close. I do not want my son to pick up any of their bad habits, though. -- SOS, Miami

DEAR SOS: You have to get clear on what you are willing to allow your son to do and where you have to draw the line. Safety is essential, of course, but, as you said, you also want to create an environment where your son gets to know his family. Your job is to teach your son and remind him of your values. Be open with him about the kinds of challenges that many young people face, especially regarding peer pressure -- especially when it involves family. Tell your son he should pay attention to what people say and do, including his cousins. Point out clues that may suggest that a group may be making a bad decision. This includes underage drinking, drug use, shoplifting and even being too forward with young ladies.

Teach your son to always have enough money to get home when he is out and about with others. He should be able to walk away from a potentially dangerous situation before it escalates if he has the ability either to drive away or call for help.

If you think it’s important, tell him what his cousin has done in the past so that he does not idolize this person. Make it clear that you aren’t trying to malign the cousin’s name, but you want your son’s eyes to be wide open.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My mother recently turned 80 years old. She is a spry woman with a lot of vitality, and she sometimes acts like she is 15 years younger than she is. I like that on one level. What I don’t like is that she doesn’t feel like she has to check in with me or my brother when she is out and about. Never mind she taught us to always call her if we take a trip to let her know we got there safely. I don’t mean just when we were kids. She expects us to stay in touch with her, but she seems to resent us wanting the same from her. How can we impress upon her the importance of staying connected without pointing out the obvious, her advanced age? -- Looking out for Mama, Detroit

DEAR LOOKING OUT FOR MAMA: Give your mother a taste of her own medicine. Remind her of her expectations for you. Tell her you want the same in return. You are all concerned about each other’s well-being. Point out how grateful you are that she is youthful and independent. Ask her to share her whereabouts so that you all stay in the loop. Consider signing up to the app Life360, which uses GPS to track each other.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: Years ago, my husband and I got into a series of nasty arguments, and while we stayed together, we retreated to different parts of the house and stopped being intimate.

We now have a much nicer relationship. We tried to be intimate recently, and it didn’t work. It was on me; it wouldn’t work. When I went for my annual gynecological visit, my doctor told me what I already know -- things are pretty tight down there. I didn’t dare ask him what to do because I was way too embarrassed. But I don’t know what to do. I want to be intimate with my husband again, but I don't know how. -- Resuming Intimacy, Atlanta

DEAR RESUMING INTIMACY: It turns out that many couples go through periods of abstinence, for a wide variety of reasons. Depending on the length of time, it can be difficult to reconnect. Emotional distance can create a divide that’s hard to close. Additionally, women’s bodies can become less receptive and literally smaller, making it difficult to be intimate. You may need to speak to your doctor to get suggestions and even medical support to get to the place where you can comfortably receive your husband. Some men find that they experience erectile dysfunction due to age, health or even longtime abstinence, so a doctor’s visit may be helpful for both of you.

Given that there were emotional reasons that shut you two down years ago, you should also talk. Work on communicating about your life and what you want now. Consider going to therapy together, a couple's retreat or some other type of engagement that may foster positive vibes between you. Read more here: mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/sexual-health/expert-answers/sex/faq-20058523 and aarp.org/home-family/sex-intimacy/info-12-2012/couples-having-sex-again.html.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My son graduated from college a couple of years ago, and has had difficulty finding the right job fit. He did well in college and has been looking hard, but he has found only odd jobs. My wife and I have let him move back home for a while with the understanding that he needs to get his life together, but we are battling over how to manage this. I think my son should pay rent of some amount so that he begins to accept responsibility for his life. I also think he should participate in household chores. He does none of this right now. My wife is far more doting. She lets him get away with anything.

How can we draw the line? I need my son to step up and be responsible -- for his own good. -- Parenting an Adult Child, Columbus, Ohio

DEAR PARENTING AN ADULT CHILD: You and your wife need to be on the same page. Talk to her about your belief that your son should learn responsibility. Suggest that he pay a small rent. You can put it in an account that you give to him at the end of his stay. That could even help him with a deposit on his own place. Point out that doing chores and participating in household duties is a part of life. He should not get a pass. When you win over your wife, you can approach your son.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband’s ankles swell sometimes -- really, kind of a lot. Whenever I bring this up to him, he shrugs it off.

My husband is big on health food and vitamins that he reads about on the internet, but he is horrible about going to the doctor. I think it has been five years since he had a physical.

I am so worried. My brother-in-law died of colon cancer. His father died of a heart attack. I’m not trying to wish anything bad on him, but I do think there is value in getting an annual checkup. How can I get him to go? -- Against the Doctor, Seattle

DEAR AGAINST THE DOCTOR: Start by doing some research. There are many reasons why a person's feet and ankles swell, and most of them are signs of poor health. Among the causes are congestive heart failure, kidney disease, cirrhosis of the liver, hypertensive heart disease and more. In other words, there are serious health concerns that could be the reason why his ankles swell. For more details, go to: healthline.com/symptom/swollen-ankle.

Point out to your husband that it is worth it to find out if he has a serious ailment that needs treatment, or if it is a less serious situation like a fracture. Remind your husband of how much you love him and want him to be healthy. Tell him you are scheduling a doctor’s appointment for him, and urge him to go.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My kids spent the weekend with good friends from school while my husband and I took a much-needed mini-vacation. When we picked them up, all they could talk about was how much fun they had playing with their friends’ dog. They have talked nonstop about wanting to have their own dog, which is not in the cards for us. For one, I am allergic, but even if we got a hypoallergenic dog, I don’t have the time or the inclination to walk or tend to a dog, and I know my children ultimately won’t do it. My husband won’t either.

How can I break it to my kids that I’m really not going to give in to their endless begging for a dog? -- No Furry Friends, Boston

DEAR NO FURRY FRIENDS: Stay firm in your convictions. You have to be clear about what you can manage for your family. You can also get creative about how your children can experience more doggy time in their lives. Perhaps they can visit friends who have dogs with more regularity. You can also check in with the local ASPCA to see if your children can volunteer there to help support their work on rescuing and re-homing animals. Your need to not have a dog at home does not mean that your children cannot get to know dogs.

I am similar to you; what I did was talk to a local pet grooming shop to see if my daughter could volunteer there. They happily agreed, and she goes in from time to time to learn about how these people groom dogs. Occasionally she gets to play with the dogs, too.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)