DEAR HARRIETTE: My cousin adopted her grandson when he was an infant. She did that because her son and the baby’s mother were unfit to care for the boy, and she thought he was in harm’s way. The court agreed with her, and she has had him in her custody for more than a dozen years. Every now and then the boy’s mother will try to get in touch with her son. At first my cousin encouraged visits and for them to stay in touch, but every time they would get together, he would come back with behavioral problems. My cousin told me the mom tried to reach her son to say happy birthday, but my cousin did not deliver the message. I felt bad about that. I wonder how this young man is going to feel later in life given that he has no relationship with his mother. Will he resent his grandmother? Is she doing the right thing? Since she told me about it, should I express my concern? -- Protecting the Boy, Philadelphia

DEAR PROTECTING THE BOY: This is a complicated situation with no simple answers. Your cousin seems to be doing her best, which included adopting her grandson in order to ensure that he would grow up in a healthy environment. Yet, it is tricky for a child not to have regular engagement with his parents. It is likely this young man will have some emotional issues to wrestle with as he grows up.

Since your cousin shared details about the family dynamic, you can share your opinion. If you think she should tell the young man his mother reached out, say as much. You can add that even though the dynamics are tricky, your cousin probably doesn’t want to be the one refusing to allow him to communicate with his mother. Defer to her, though. She knows what goes on between the two of them. Ultimately, she is the one charged with protecting her grandson.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I was driving a group of teenagers to a baseball game when one of them opened the window and threw a banana peel out of the car. I was shocked. This child is close to my son and normally well-mannered. I pulled over, stopped the car and told him to get out with me and collect the banana peel to put it in the trash. He couldn’t believe I did that, but he got out and picked it up.

Later my son told me how embarrassed he was that I picked on his friend like that. He said his friends won’t want to hang out with him if his mother embarrasses them like that. I was so angry I didn’t say anything to my son. How can I address this so my son understands how egregious his friend’s behavior was? -- Crossing the Line, Atlanta

DEAR CROSSING THE LINE: Point out to your son that littering is illegal and immoral. It is our job to take care of our planet, not pollute it. That goes for your son at all times and his friends when they are in your company. Acknowledge that you did not intend to humiliate this young man. You did need to uphold your values, which meant the friend had to pick up his litter. Add that your son should reinforce good environmental habits with his friends.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been working on about four freelance projects at the same time ever since I lost my job late last year. I am doing my best, but I am exhausted. Recently I have been messing up, and I’m sure it’s because I am tired. I’m afraid to let go of any of these jobs, though, because I am worried about being able to pay my bills. How can I manage my time better so I don’t lose everything in the process? -- Stretched Too Thin, Brooklyn, New York

DEAR STRETCHED TOO THIN: Operating on fear will not serve you long-term, as you are experiencing. It is completely understandable that you would have accepted all these projects in your effort to work after you were laid off. What you need to do now is step back. Take a day or two off so that you can rest and evaluate where you are and what you need to do. To step off wisely, do a quick review of your imminent deadlines. Communicate with your clients and let them know you are not feeling well and may need to negotiate your timeline or simply be unavailable to speak for a specific period of time.

When you step away, first get some rest. Literally go to sleep. After at least eight hours of sleep, get up and look at each of your projects, what is left to do, what your compensation is and how you can complete it successfully. If there is a project that is in jeopardy of falling apart or that isn’t worth your energy to complete, be prepared to speak to your client and apologize as you admit you don’t have the bandwidth to finish the job.

Finally, look to the big picture. What do you want to do? Evaluate if the projects you are working on will lead you any closer to your goals. If not, look for other things to do.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m part of a group that takes an annual trip to a wonderful location. I have been traveling with them for about 15 years, and it’s lots of fun. This year is different for me. I have been diagnosed with a serious health condition, and my doctors do not want me to travel. I am so upset because I look forward to spending time with my friends every year. Plus, I don’t really want to talk about my medical problems. Should I go and risk what may happen? After all, life is short. If I decide not to go, how do I tell my friends without getting too detailed about my situation? -- Torn, Silver Spring, Maryland

DEAR TORN: You should follow your doctor’s orders as far as travel goes. Throwing caution to the wind when traveling with a group of friends who would be unaware of your health condition would be selfish and potentially catastrophic, not just for you, but for them if they have to care for you should you fall ill while you are traveling.

What do you tell them? As much as you would love to join them, you are dealing with a health matter that requires you to stay at home this time. You don’t have to say more. When asked, say you would rather not talk about it at this time.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband usually is clean-cut, and I like that. Recently he has let his beard grow in for a week or more at a time. He works in a job where having a beard is fine, but for me it’s an issue. He likes to cuddle up close to me at night, and his beard is rough and scratchy. I often wake up with irritated skin. I love my husband and want to cuddle with him. How can I get him to understand that for me it would be great if he would shave before coming to bed? -- Please Shave, Wilmington, Delaware

DEAR PLEASE SHAVE: Show your husband your skin when you wake up in the morning and tell him that the irritation comes directly from his stubble rubbing against you. Tell him how much you enjoy cuddling with him at night, but that his beard is making it hard for that to happen. Ask him if he will shave it off.

The other option is for him to grow it out more. A longer beard often is less bristly. You could suggest he try to grow out his beard and together you can decide if it works for you. This will show that you are offering a compromise. Keep him informed about how your skin reacts to his beard. Being open about it is way better than you inching away from him in bed.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband has a tendency of speaking his mind straight out, no matter who is around. This includes cursing up a storm. Our family got together recently, including a couple of our older relatives, and his constant profanity rubbed a few of them the wrong way. One of my aunties was visibly disturbed. Another sent a cousin over to me to ask if I could get him to tone it down. Unfortunately, that never works. When I have asked my husband in the past to make his commentary G-rated when we expect guests, he laughs and tells me he will do what he wants in his own house. The reality is he does it even if he is at a restaurant. What can I do? -- Washing His Mouth Out With Soap, Seattle

DEAR WASHING HIS MOUTH OUT WITH SOAP: You know your husband, and chances are your relatives do, too. This does not excuse his insensitivity to his surroundings. However, if he refuses to budge at all on his colorful language, you cannot force him to make a change. You can choose to visit with your elders independent of your husband. Go to your aunties and spend time with them. Call them on the phone so that you stay in touch.

When you plan family gatherings, remind them that your husband probably will add color to the gathering. As elders, they have lived long enough to encounter others who don’t follow all the rules. Remind them there’s always one in the bunch who is an outlier. Your husband happens to be the one in your family.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)