life

Reader Feels Pressure to Enroll in Grad School

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | June 3rd, 2017 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: Many of my friends are going to graduate school post-graduation, but I have not made this decision for myself yet. My career values experience more than a master’s degree, but I feel like all of my peers are continuing school and I would, quite frankly, feel stupid if I were the only one without a graduate degree. Should social pressure lead me to obtain more education, or should I try to find my way in the professional world? -- Needing More, New York City

DEAR NEEDING MORE: While peer pressure is real and can cause a tremendous amount of concern, you cannot succumb to it as you plan your life’s steps. You must look at your career path and learn everything you can about how people excel. If it is true that work experience is king in your industry, then get to work. There will always be time to go back for a graduate degree should you need to have one.

If you find yourself having to defend your decision, consider this fantastic. You should be comfortable explaining why you have made the choices that you have. You should be as at ease telling your family as sharing the news with your friends or colleagues. So practice. You will become better at it, and better at your work the more you claim it.

life

Sense & Sensitivity for June 03, 2017

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | June 3rd, 2017 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I graduated from high school years ago, and sadly, I did not keep in touch with any of the teachers who had a big impact on my future. I have also moved out of the town I went to high school in, so I haven’t stepped foot in the school in years. Is it still appropriate to reach out to them and try to meet up with them? I will be going home for the summer, and I thought it might be nice to do. -- Years Later, Pittsburgh

DEAR YEARS LATER: I vote for reaching out to these former teachers. Chances are, they will be thrilled to hear from you and to learn what you are doing with your life these days. Typically, only a few students return to their high schools to stay in touch with their teachers. The ones who do are greatly appreciated. As you know, the job of a teacher is to prepare a student with key tools to live an effective and inspired life. If you feel that you benefited from the interactions and lessons you received from your high school teachers, by all means go back and look for them. Depending on when you left, some teachers may still be there. Others could already be retired. Go to the principal’s office to do some research. You may receive help locating retired teachers.

Even more, write a letter to the principal outlining the value of each of your cherished teachers, adding how the high school in general helped to form the adult you have become. This type of sincere endorsement is extremely helpful for schools. It is proof that the work the school is doing is effective. Go for it!

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

life

Reader Stressed by Mom's Bridezilla Ways

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | June 2nd, 2017 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: My mother is getting remarried in a few weeks, and she has turned into a total bridezilla! My sister has been at her wit’s end with her while I just try to maintain some peace in the family. I have been feeling myself burning out and have been constantly sick. My mother is asking way too much of us as she plans this fairy-tale wedding. I want her to be happy, but it’s wearing on me. Should I sacrifice my health right now to keep the wedding flowing smoothly? -- Health Vs. Happiness, Milwaukee

DEAR HEALTH VS. HAPPINESS: Do not compromise your health. Speak up. Schedule a meeting with your mother, and ask her to focus. Let her know how much you want her to be happy as she plans to usher in this marriage. Make it clear, though, that you are overextended. Tell her about the various illnesses that you have been battling. Explain that you no longer have time to take care of your responsibilities and, at the same time, respond to her requests. Draw the line. Give her a maximum number of hours that you can work on her wedding per week. Then actually stop working after that time is up. You can also recommend that she hire a wedding planner to help with the final details. She may get mad, but if you really do stop when you need to stop, she will have to figure out another plan.

life

Sense & Sensitivity for June 02, 2017

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | June 2nd, 2017 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been speaking to a man through a dating website. We have our first date scheduled, but I am nervous because I used slightly outdated photos of myself for my profile. Should I break this to him through the online messenger, or just show up and hope he accepts me for who I am? I heard that everyone lies on the dating websites, so I figured he is a tad older than his photos as well. -- Online to Real World, Chicago

DEAR ONLINE TO REAL WORLD: Here’s the question: How different are you from your photo? I ask because often people have photos that are 10 to 15 years old, when they felt at their prime. If you look significantly different, confess now.

I know someone who did not tell the truth and met a man on a cruise. She recognized him as she walked toward him. He did not recognize her. She was probably about 100 pounds bigger than the high school photo she had sent. He felt duped and didn’t talk to her for the entire cruise. She was devastated. While the man’s behavior was extreme, her omission was also dramatic.

The best thing you can do is to give this man a better idea of how you look, either verbally or by sending along a photo. You should also ask him if his photo is updated. It’s an effective way of breaking the ice and leading to a human interaction. If he shies away after seeing you, consider it your gain. You will have disconnected from him before getting too close.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

life

Student's Behavior Requires an Intervention

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | June 1st, 2017 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a preschool teacher, and I have had to reprimand "Adam" more times than I can remember. He is constantly touching me inappropriately on my chest or behind. I tell him this is not allowed, but he never listens to me, or he simply giggles and runs away. Adam’s parents aren't very involved, so I’d feel like a burden reaching out to them, but I feel this developmental step is important for Adam to learn. Do I just bite the bullet and have them come in to speak with me? -- Paws Off, Richmond, Virginia

DEAR PAWS OFF: Start with your school guidance counselor or principal -- or whoever is in charge. What you have described seems like something more dire than an untrained child. Why would a preschooler constantly grab you in what he should know as “private" parts? This suggests that someone may be touching him inappropriately, or that he is witnessing someone being touched aggressively without consequence. Talk this over with the counselor, and then create a plan of action for speaking with the parents. Definitely invite them to come to talk to you, and explain that it is important that they be present. Outline what has occurred. Ask them if they have any idea why their son would behave in that way, and ask them to help you help Adam curb this behavior.

Pay attention to Adam. If he ever reveals signs of abuse, go to your supervisor. You may have to call child protective services if things get worse.

life

Sense & Sensitivity for June 01, 2017

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | June 1st, 2017 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I work on commission at a department store. "Jenna" is new to our location, and she has been poaching my customers by waiting outside their dressing rooms or even coming up to me while I am assisting them. She always says a line about how she'll be a better associate because it'll be like “girl time” for her and the customer. Jenna has stolen enough of my sales to drive me crazy. How do I end her sneaky ways? -- Not Your Turf, Los Angeles

DEAR NOT YOUR TURF: Speak to your supervisor, and explain your frustration. Ask for support in delineating customers who are rightfully yours. Ask your supervisor to reinforce the rules of teamwork and commission that are followed in your store. Remind your supervisor of your performance on the job prior to Jenna’s arrival. Point out that you have no problem working alongside Jenna and that you believe there should be enough clients for everyone. What you do not appreciate is Jenna undercutting you and stealing your customers. Tell your boss that you are worried that her attitude will poison the staff, as it is already very upsetting to you. Implore your boss to observe the dynamics between Jenna and you and the other sales associates so that she can see for herself what you are talking about.

Beyond that, you may need to become more assertive with your customers. Tell them your name when you start working with them. When they go into the dressing room, remind them of your name and let them know you will be back to check on them in a few minutes.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

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