DEAR HARRIETTE: My wedding anniversary is coming up soon, and I really want to do something special with my husband this time. Historically, he never wants to do anything. I always want to create some kind of celebration, and if anything happens, it’s because I plan it. I wish my husband would initiate an idea for us. Since that’s not likely to happen, what can I do to make the day special so that he will enjoy it as well? -- Anniversary Blues, Cleveland

DEAR ANNIVERSARY BLUES: You can start talking up your anniversary and approach it as a collaborative celebration. Remind your husband that you would like to do something special to honor the day. Ask him what he might like. A romantic dinner? A play? A weekend getaway? A party? Throw out a few ideas to see what appeals to him. Find out if he would like to do something just with you or with a few close friends. Figure in your own preferences. If you already know you would like to throw a party, say so. You must be proactive.

DEAR HARRIETTE: A friend of mine just wrote a book. She has been working on this memoir for more than 10 years, and she finally self-published it. She asked me to read it and tell all of my friends about it so that she can get the word out and sell it.

The problem is that I have read it -- well, as much as I can. And it’s not good. The writing is terrible. It doesn’t seem to have been edited. There are lots of typos and grammatical errors, plus the storytelling leaves a lot to be desired.

I don’t want to hurt my friend’s feelings, but I cannot in good faith tell my other friends that this book is worth buying. What can I say to her? -- Bad Book, Alexandria, Virginia

DEAR BAD BOOK: If you can drum up the confidence, you should tell her the truth. Start by acknowledging how long she has worked on this project and that you know she must feel a real sense of accomplishment in finishing it. Point out, though, that you have some concerns that you would like to share with her. Explain that they have arisen because she asked you to read and then recommend and promote her book. You took her request seriously, and now you have some comments to make before you think the book is ready to be promoted.

Ask for her blessing for you to continue. Then tell her of your concerns. In a perfect world, you will mark up a copy of the book with notations where there are mistakes. If you are adept at doing that, go for it. Otherwise, show her a few places where there are obvious errors, along with questions regarding the content.

Finally, tell her that you will be happy to promote the book -- when you think a paying audience will receive it positively.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I saw what appeared to be self-harm marks on my friend’s hip while we were at the beach. I didn't want to bring more attention to these lines by asking for another opinion, but I am worried about her. Should I probe into her life even though we aren't best friends? No one else seems as concerned as I am. -- Talk to Me, Coney Island, New York

DEAR TALK TO ME: If you think you can get your friend to open up to you, give it a try. Get together with her for a quiet engagement. Introduce a conversation about your life, and encourage her to speak about her own. Know that most people who are living with some kind of emotional disorder or stress do not willingly talk about their challenge. Instead, they usually hide them from the people who interact with them.

In order to get your friend to talk about what you saw, you probably have to ask her about what you think you noticed on her hip. Rather than asking if it was self-harm, why not ask her if she fell or otherwise injured herself? Tell her that you are asking because you noticed marks on her hip. If you have some sense of what your friend may have done, ask her specifically if engages in self-harm; even if she denies it, you can still tell her that you want her to be healthy and whole, and you are worried about her. You can suggest that she have a medical checkup to make sure that she is in good health. Ultimately, though, you will need to accept that she will get help when she is ready -- likely not a moment before.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My friend, "Amanda," is too spontaneous for my liking. I need concrete plans to be able to commit to something and write it down in my planner. Amanda, however, likes to call me around 6 p.m. and ask if I want to go to a concert in two hours or take the weekend off to go camping. She works for herself, so it is easier for her to make these kinds of plans, yet she always tells me I'm “boring” or “old” whenever I can't give in to her whims. Have I lost my sense of fun, or is Amanda being too hard on me? -- Forewarning, Rochester, New York

DEAR FOREWARNING: You and Amanda have very different concepts of time. That doesn’t make either of you wrong. It makes you different. You do not need to judge yourself harshly, nor should Amanda judge you. To stop the critiques, point out to Amanda that you two have different ways of planning your lives. This is not representative of being old or young, boring or exciting -- it is just different.

Tell Amanda that the chances of you spending time with her increase when you have more warning. This is based on your schedule and the way that you manage your time. Explain that you will try to be more spontaneous, but you cannot guarantee that it will work. Most important, you will feel more comfortable if the two of you can plan a date together.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: At the last minute, I agreed to have an acquaintance help out on a project I was working on because it sounded like she might be able to bring in some much-needed funding. It turns out that her participation was shocking. She was loud and obnoxious the whole time. She did not bring in one dollar. She did turn me on to a couple of good resources for the project, but honestly, it wasn’t worth it.

I feel like her involvement sullied my brand. She and I have completely different personalities, and she is not professional in her behavior. How can I sever ties with her? She has been pressuring me to host another public project that she could partner on with me. After how poorly this recent fiasco ended, I don’t want to have any more to do with her. How do I walk away from her without suffering the negative consequences of her bad-mouthing me for doing so? -- Awkward, Atlanta

DEAR AWKWARD: Be careful. Think long and hard about a strategy to acknowledge this person’s efforts, even if they didn’t pan out. Thank her for her hard work. Let her know that you appreciate her interest in helping you with this project. Tell her that you will not be pursuing the other project that she recommended. Suggest that she look for another partner for future projects.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Recently, I have been feeling kind of run down. I think in part it’s because I’ve been worrying about money and how to make ends meet. But I know I have gained weight and not paid such great attention to my body as I’ve been trying to hustle to pay my bills. I feel like I need to rest, but I don’t know when I can do it. I also need to get a physical, but I’m afraid of what the doctor is going to say. I feel stuck, and that only makes me want to take a nap. How can I do something positive for myself when I’m feeling so blue? -- Frozen, Philadelphia

DEAR FROZEN: The good news is that you understand how you feel and what you are facing. Now you need to take action. Why not address each concern independently? Start by scheduling a physical examination. As scary as this may be, it will give you a gauge on what you need to do for your life in order to become stronger. One friend of mine felt like she was dragging for months. She learned that her vitamin D was so low that it was likely the culprit. Now she takes prescription-strength vitamin D supplements and feels better. Who knows what you will learn about yourself, but it’s worth finding out.

Next, consider what you are good at doing that people pay for. It may be time to change your job or add something to your work schedule. The best way to determine what that is will be to evaluate your skills.

Finally, it’s OK to nap. Some people nap daily for a few minutes to get a little boost in the day. You can, too. Just don’t stay in bed too long!

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)