DEAR HARRIETTE: I saw what appeared to be self-harm marks on my friend’s hip while we were at the beach. I didn't want to bring more attention to these lines by asking for another opinion, but I am worried about her. Should I probe into her life even though we aren't best friends? No one else seems as concerned as I am. -- Talk to Me, Coney Island, New York

DEAR TALK TO ME: If you think you can get your friend to open up to you, give it a try. Get together with her for a quiet engagement. Introduce a conversation about your life, and encourage her to speak about her own. Know that most people who are living with some kind of emotional disorder or stress do not willingly talk about their challenge. Instead, they usually hide them from the people who interact with them.

In order to get your friend to talk about what you saw, you probably have to ask her about what you think you noticed on her hip. Rather than asking if it was self-harm, why not ask her if she fell or otherwise injured herself? Tell her that you are asking because you noticed marks on her hip. If you have some sense of what your friend may have done, ask her specifically if engages in self-harm; even if she denies it, you can still tell her that you want her to be healthy and whole, and you are worried about her. You can suggest that she have a medical checkup to make sure that she is in good health. Ultimately, though, you will need to accept that she will get help when she is ready -- likely not a moment before.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My friend, "Amanda," is too spontaneous for my liking. I need concrete plans to be able to commit to something and write it down in my planner. Amanda, however, likes to call me around 6 p.m. and ask if I want to go to a concert in two hours or take the weekend off to go camping. She works for herself, so it is easier for her to make these kinds of plans, yet she always tells me I'm “boring” or “old” whenever I can't give in to her whims. Have I lost my sense of fun, or is Amanda being too hard on me? -- Forewarning, Rochester, New York

DEAR FOREWARNING: You and Amanda have very different concepts of time. That doesn’t make either of you wrong. It makes you different. You do not need to judge yourself harshly, nor should Amanda judge you. To stop the critiques, point out to Amanda that you two have different ways of planning your lives. This is not representative of being old or young, boring or exciting -- it is just different.

Tell Amanda that the chances of you spending time with her increase when you have more warning. This is based on your schedule and the way that you manage your time. Explain that you will try to be more spontaneous, but you cannot guarantee that it will work. Most important, you will feel more comfortable if the two of you can plan a date together.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: At the last minute, I agreed to have an acquaintance help out on a project I was working on because it sounded like she might be able to bring in some much-needed funding. It turns out that her participation was shocking. She was loud and obnoxious the whole time. She did not bring in one dollar. She did turn me on to a couple of good resources for the project, but honestly, it wasn’t worth it.

I feel like her involvement sullied my brand. She and I have completely different personalities, and she is not professional in her behavior. How can I sever ties with her? She has been pressuring me to host another public project that she could partner on with me. After how poorly this recent fiasco ended, I don’t want to have any more to do with her. How do I walk away from her without suffering the negative consequences of her bad-mouthing me for doing so? -- Awkward, Atlanta

DEAR AWKWARD: Be careful. Think long and hard about a strategy to acknowledge this person’s efforts, even if they didn’t pan out. Thank her for her hard work. Let her know that you appreciate her interest in helping you with this project. Tell her that you will not be pursuing the other project that she recommended. Suggest that she look for another partner for future projects.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Recently, I have been feeling kind of run down. I think in part it’s because I’ve been worrying about money and how to make ends meet. But I know I have gained weight and not paid such great attention to my body as I’ve been trying to hustle to pay my bills. I feel like I need to rest, but I don’t know when I can do it. I also need to get a physical, but I’m afraid of what the doctor is going to say. I feel stuck, and that only makes me want to take a nap. How can I do something positive for myself when I’m feeling so blue? -- Frozen, Philadelphia

DEAR FROZEN: The good news is that you understand how you feel and what you are facing. Now you need to take action. Why not address each concern independently? Start by scheduling a physical examination. As scary as this may be, it will give you a gauge on what you need to do for your life in order to become stronger. One friend of mine felt like she was dragging for months. She learned that her vitamin D was so low that it was likely the culprit. Now she takes prescription-strength vitamin D supplements and feels better. Who knows what you will learn about yourself, but it’s worth finding out.

Next, consider what you are good at doing that people pay for. It may be time to change your job or add something to your work schedule. The best way to determine what that is will be to evaluate your skills.

Finally, it’s OK to nap. Some people nap daily for a few minutes to get a little boost in the day. You can, too. Just don’t stay in bed too long!

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a neighbor who doesn’t understand boundaries. She is lonely and constantly wants to engage with me and my family, as well as other neighbors. It has gotten to be too much. She will stop by unannounced and uninvited and bang on the door or ring the bell. The time of day is of no matter to her. And if I answer and tell her it’s not a good time or that I have company, she barges in anyway and inserts herself into the experience. I haven’t figured out a way to get her to understand that mine is not an open door for her. I don’t want to be rude, but she has gone way overboard in wearing out her welcome. SOS! -- Overboard, Brooklyn, New York

DEAR OVERBOARD: I know this may seem harsh, but what you are going to have to do is stop responding to her. If she rings your bell and you don’t want her to come over, do not answer the door. If she calls repeatedly when you are unavailable, do not respond. If you see her out and about and she approaches you about why you are avoiding her, explain that you are not always available. If she says that she could hear people in your house when she came knocking on your door, tell her that you may have had company and didn’t hear the door. Ultimately, if she keeps pushing, you will have to tell her that it bothers you that she attempts to come to your home whenever she pleases without asking first. Tell her that you do not appreciate her overstepping your personal boundaries. Ask her to stop.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My mother is getting older, and she is beginning to show signs of aging. She is frail and doesn’t get around as easily as she once did. My siblings live all over the country, and I’m the only one who sees her on a regular basis. I have told my brothers and sisters that I think they should visit more often because Mom is not doing well, but I don’t think they believe me. Her voice sounds strong on the phone, and most of them speak to her relatively frequently, so they think I’m exaggerating.

As the child who watches out for her, I can tell you that we have had a few scares -- everything from a bad cold (which can be tough for an 85-year-old) to a sinus infection, the flu and fainting. My mother’s doctor calls her condition “the normal signs of aging,” but the way I see it, whatever is going on, her children need to see her more frequently. How can I impress this upon them? -- Older Mom, Boston

DEAR OLDER MOM: Use technology to support your cause to let them see how your mother is doing and also help to connect them more immediately. Engage FaceTime, Skype or another service to set up video calling with your mother so that they can see for themselves what her state is.

Additionally, call them separately and ask them to come visit. Consider hosting a family get-together this summer where you invite all family members to attend and pitch in with food and beverages. You will have fun and celebrate your mother.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)