DEAR HARRIETTE: A friend’s mom recently told her that she had put on a few pounds and needed to lose it. When my friend mentioned it to me, I took it as a joke, like I thought she would, because she does not need to lose weight. A few days later, I walked into her house and there were sticky notes on the food cabinets and the refrigerator. One of them said, “Do not eat unless you are hungry.” The other one said, “Are you hungry?” I tried to act as if everything was normal, but that just isn’t normal. I am not sure how to act or what to do. Do I do anything? -- Weight Loss, Richmond, Virginia

DEAR WEIGHT LOSS: Let’s start with the reality that you are not a doctor, and neither is your friend’s mother. The best thing you might be able to do is to encourage your friend to get a physical from a medical practitioner to make sure she's healthy. A doctor can measure and weigh her to see if she is of a proper weight for her size and age. If she can go to her own general practitioner, she can also get a comparison to her previous weight. Encourage her to speak directly with her doctor about her concerns, including what her mother said.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Two of my best friends had a falling-out. One of them is still in my main clique of friends, but the other is in another friend group now. She did not want to be a part of this other girl’s life, so she started hanging out with different girls. It is hard for me to keep a friendship with her because I don’t see her as often, and no one in my friend group likes her. All my friends always tell me to stop talking to her or to stop trying because she is mean. She is still one of my best friends, and I want to keep our relationship, but it is difficult when all my friends keep telling me to stop talking to her. What do I say to them? -- Blueberry, Seattle

DEAR BLUEBERRY: Do not succumb to peer pressure. It is OK for you to be part of more than one friend group, and you can do it without advertising to either group who your other friends are. Your core group will likely stop complaining about the other friend if you stop talking about her.

Instead of working to win them over to welcome your friend, let them be. Look at your life and schedule to see when and how you can make time for the distant friend. Do not allow others to bully you into extricating yourself from someone whom you consider a best friend.

If your other friends call you out about remaining friends with this person, stand up for yourself. Tell them that you intend to remain her friend, even if she is not part of their clique anymore.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: An ex-boyfriend keeps messaging me at 4 a.m., when intoxicated, saying something like, “I miss you.” I never acknowledge it, but it continues to happen.

I want him to stop messaging me, but I don’t know if that’s him indirectly saying he wants to talk to me about something. I want him to stop. Do I say something? If so, how do I word it nicely? -- Past Midnight, Austin, Texas

DEAR PAST MIDNIGHT: Your ex may be remorseful about the way your relationship ended. He may even want to get back together. So what! I don’t mean to be harsh, but I want you to throw some cold water in your face and look at what’s happening. He is not being respectful of you when he texts you in the wee hours of the morning, drunk, lamenting his state. This behavior is extremely selfish and unworthy of your attention. Saying something will not help matters, either, as that will let him know that you are noticing his texts.

Put your phone on “do not disturb” during your normal sleeping hours. That way you will not hear the buzz or chirp of a text or a call. You can also block his number if the messaging gets too frequent.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I know a friend who went to a formal date party with this guy who happened to be on a number of drugs. He was acting out of control, throwing things at people and at windows. He was all over the place. The people around him told him to stop, or they would call the cops. He did not stop, and they had to call the cops. When the cops arrived, they put the man in cuffs and arrested him. My friend told the cops everything, but left out the part where he pushed her. It did not sit well with her, and I would think she should fill in the gaps to the cops. Should I tell her? -- Formal Dates, Cheyenne, Wyoming

DEAR FORMAL DATES: Regardless of whether the date was formal or casual, it is never appropriate for someone to act out and behave violently. Your friend should have told the police that her date pushed her, and it’s not too late to do so. She can call or go to the precinct to inform the arresting officer of the additional details of the evening. If she is afraid that this person may retaliate if he knows that she told the police, she should make that clear to them as well.

If and when this person gets in touch with her again, she should be clear that she is not interested in getting together with him -- if that is true. If she thinks he will hear her, she can tell him about his behavior and about how concerned she was at his actions.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am disappointed that my family did not get me a card or anything for Mother’s Day. I am married with two children who are 9 and 12. I can see how the children might not think of it, though I always remember their birthdays and every other special day you can imagine. But my husband did not think to get a card for them or a present or anything. They didn’t offer to take me to dinner, so I ended up cooking. It hurt my feelings. Usually I organize everything, but I am tired of having to be the coordinator, even for what should be my celebration. How can I get them to understand that? -- Snubbed, Denver

DEAR SNUBBED: You have to train your family to take care of you the way that you would prefer. If you have organized everything for Mother’s Day and other special days every year before now, there is no reason that your family should have thought that things would be different this time. Their expectation, unless you told them otherwise, was that you would come up with a plan that they would follow.

Tell your husband and children that you are disappointed that they didn’t do anything special for you for Mother’s Day. Admit that you usually handle such things, but you were hoping they would take some initiative and think of something on their own. Do not guilt them. Instead, you can tell your husband that you think it’s important for the children to learn how to celebrate you and all of the other special occasions. Ask him to help you teach them how to do that in the ways that you value.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I came home to the sound of my neighbors screaming their heads off in the hallway. The mother was cursing and hollering, and her adult daughter was videotaping her mother as they both yelled and kicked and cursed. It was distressing, to say the least, and I wasn’t sure what to do. Later, the mother called me to apologize for letting me see it, but then she spent 20 minutes rehashing everything the daughter had done to offend her. I have found myself hostage to this woman’s drama almost daily for the past few weeks. While I feel sorry for her, I see that I cannot be of help. How can I extricate myself from it, given that we are neighbors? -- In the Middle, Bronx, New York

DEAR IN THE MIDDLE: You must put your foot down. Tell your neighbor that you are terribly sorry that she is having such difficulty with her daughter and that you will pray for calmer times. Add that you realize that you do not have the skills to help her through this predicament, and it makes you uncomfortable trying to do so. Tell your neighbor that you want her to have a healthy, safe household, but you cannot help her get there. Recommend that she call the police if things continue to escalate.

When she calls you to talk about the blow-by-blow of what is going on, interrupt her and say that you cannot talk at that moment. Then end the conversation. If she continues, tell her that you do not want to talk about her problems, but that you continue to wish her well.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)