DEAR HARRIETTE: I am disappointed that my family did not get me a card or anything for Mother’s Day. I am married with two children who are 9 and 12. I can see how the children might not think of it, though I always remember their birthdays and every other special day you can imagine. But my husband did not think to get a card for them or a present or anything. They didn’t offer to take me to dinner, so I ended up cooking. It hurt my feelings. Usually I organize everything, but I am tired of having to be the coordinator, even for what should be my celebration. How can I get them to understand that? -- Snubbed, Denver
DEAR SNUBBED: You have to train your family to take care of you the way that you would prefer. If you have organized everything for Mother’s Day and other special days every year before now, there is no reason that your family should have thought that things would be different this time. Their expectation, unless you told them otherwise, was that you would come up with a plan that they would follow.
Tell your husband and children that you are disappointed that they didn’t do anything special for you for Mother’s Day. Admit that you usually handle such things, but you were hoping they would take some initiative and think of something on their own. Do not guilt them. Instead, you can tell your husband that you think it’s important for the children to learn how to celebrate you and all of the other special occasions. Ask him to help you teach them how to do that in the ways that you value.