DEAR HARRIETTE: One of my friends, "Emily," used to be an alcoholic and a drug addict. Now, she is completely sober. I am very happy for her, but she insists on going to bars with everybody and doesn’t like it when people call attention to her sobriety. Should I tell others to stop buying shots for Emily or offering her sips of their drinks? I think spreading the word to our immediate friends might help Emily feel more comfortable. -- Sober in a Bar, Newark, New Jersey

DEAR SOBER IN A BAR: One of the things that is taught in programs like Alcoholics Anonymous is to be wary of people, places and things that could serve as a trigger to a relapse. Your friend Emily is playing with fire by hanging out in bars with people who are actively drinking. It is not up to you to share her personal business, though. It is her responsibility to tell others of her sobriety.

Speak to Emily privately and express your sincere concern that her decision to hang out at bars with friends seems reckless and unsafe. You can also stop inviting her to go with you when you join others in bars. What you cannot do is control her actions.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been in a “friends with benefits” relationship for five months. Recently, "Alex" talked to me about our “relationship,” and I was stunned. I think he’s assumed we have progressed into a relationship, but this was never discussed. Do I have the obligation to explain where I feel we stand? I have considered just telling him this agreement is over. -- When You Assume, Baltimore

DEAR WHEN YOU ASSUME: If the roles were reversed, you would probably want to know where Alex stands, and if he didn’t tell you, chances are you would feel duped. So here’s a time when the Golden Rule applies. Do unto Alex as you would have him do unto you. That doesn’t mean you have to break up with him. It does mean that you owe him the truth. If you are happy with a casual relationship that sometimes includes intimacy but truly is not headed toward a permanent bond, tell him. Then ask him if he can handle that.

Believe it or not, some guys can’t. The stereotype is that only men can handle casual sexual relationships, i.e. the friends-with-benefits type of engagement. The truth is that there are people who can handle the relationship and some who can't. To avoid things getting messy later down the line and you hurting Alex’s feelings or destroying a perfectly good friendship, be upfront with him now. If he agrees to stay involved with you, do yourselves a favor and check in from time to time to see if either of you wants to change the rules.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I realized I lowballed myself when a company I was interviewing for asked for my desired salary. I did not want to seem greedy and wanted a follow-up interview, so I made an offer on the lower side. This appeared to work, and I am waiting for their final decision after my second interview. If accepted, do I have any wiggle room with my salary, or must I stick to my original ask? -- Worth More, Boston

DEAR WORTH MORE: You have worked yourself into a tough space, but there may be a glimmer of hope. If you are offered the job, listen to the salary that is on the table. If it is exactly what you asked, you can thank the employer for meeting your request and also say that you have done some research and discovered that typically this position garners a higher wage. Ask when you would be eligible for a salary increase based upon this revelation. Some companies consider small increases at the end of a 90-day probationary period. Others wait until seeing your overall performance over a year’s time. Occasionally, you may even get a bump simply for asking. Keep a positive outlook. You may have to wait and earn the increase that you should have asked for in the beginning.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have back issues and cannot sit for long periods of time. I usually get up to walk every hour to go to the restroom or just to see the weather outside, and then I go back to my seat. I'm afraid constantly getting up is rude when I am at a restaurant or in a movie theater. Should I be explaining why I am standing up, or is “excuse me” enough to be polite? -- Strolling, Brooklyn, New York

DEAR STROLLING: Guess what? Everybody should get up and walk around at least a little bit every hour. The electronic watches and exercise counters that are so popular right now buzz to remind wearers to get up, stretch and move. It is also true that if you find yourself at a computer for hours on end, you should make sure your seat is configured properly for your body and that you get up and stretch and stop typing every 20 minutes.

You do not need to explain to anyone why you are standing unless you feel the urge to invite the person to stand with you. You are making smart choices for your body. Continue to do so.

To make your standing and moving easier on the people surrounding you, do your best to position yourself at the end of the row in a movie theater. At a restaurant, don’t allow yourself to be boxed in. Choose a corner or outside seat so that you don’t disturb others when you get up.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My friend, who is a horrible driver, has been asking me about borrowing my car. I pay for everything that goes into this vehicle, and I know she is a reckless driver. I explained to her that I do not loan out my car, and she assumes this is because I am busy using the car myself. I feel more and more compelled to spell out to her that even if I did loan out my car, I would never give her the keys because of her multiple accidents and speeding tickets. Is it time to hit her with the truth, or is this not my battle? -- My Wheels, Dallas

DEAR MY WHEELS: You are under no obligation to explain to this friend why she cannot drive your car. You should know that it is best not to let anybody drive your car, as a rule. If anything were to happen with another person driving your car, you would be liable.

If you are looking out for your friend, that’s the time to express your concerns. You can sit down with her and ask her if you can confide in her by telling her something that makes you feel uncomfortable. With her permission, tell her that you are concerned about the way she drives. Point out specific incidences of her being a reckless driver and the effects her behavior has had on her car and on others. Suggest that she become more conscientious when she gets behind the wheel. You can also re-emphasize -- if the moment calls for it -- that you will not be letting her drive your car.

DEAR HARRIETTE: One of my good friends has recently started spending a lot of time with my mother. They both live in the suburbs while I live in a city, so they are closer to each other geographically. Now, I believe they spend more time together than they do with me. Is this normal? I didn’t think they would have so much in common, but I guess they clicked. I just don’t know whether to express my confusion about this new friendship. -- Friends and Family, Secaucus, New Jersey

DEAR FRIENDS AND FAMILY: Sounds like you are a bit jealous, which is natural. Before saying anything, listen carefully. Does it sound like your friend is keeping your mother’s company in a healthy way? Could her overtures be supportive in ways that you hadn’t imagined? If you can see the value of the relationship, you should try to suck it up and just be happy for them that they have found each other.

What you can also do is to be more fully present for your mother and your friend. Spend more time calling and visiting your mother. Pay attention to her needs, and do your best to fulfill them. Work hard not to express your jealousy as this will only stir up unnecessary challenges among the three of you. Instead, be grateful for the attention your mother is getting. Stay alert in case anything about their relationship changes.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)