DEAR HARRIETTE: My neighbor "Mary" lives alone and is in her 50s. She has always kept her garden in pristine condition, but I’ve been noticing her making more comments about feeling achy and not up to the challenge anymore. My son can mow lawns, and I think my daughter would benefit from some time learning from Mary. Should I offer to pay them to help Mary, or should they be doing this out of the goodness of their hearts? -- Teen Motivation, Pikesville, Maryland

DEAR TEEN MOTIVATION: You need to gauge your children’s behavior to decide which approach will be most effective. For some teens, it is understood that you help your elders with whatever you can. This could include doing a bit of yardwork. Other teens can feel resentful that they have to spend their time in this way. You can choose to teach them a lesson about offering from the heart if you believe they will be kind to Mary. But if you believe they may take their anger out on her in any way, prevent that by offering them a small stipend for doing the yardwork. It can be like an allowance based on their hard work and thoughtful effort.

Talk to your teens about how helpful they can be to Mary and how grateful both you and she will be for their help. Encourage them to learn from Mary and observe her so that they can discover how they can be of support. Over time, they may grow to enjoy working in the garden with her. The lessons that will come from simply being together will be invaluable.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a preschool teacher in an inner city. My student "Jayden" told me that his daddy is in jail, so he can’t celebrate Father’s Day this year. I want to create a classroom activity that all students can appreciate, but I’m not sure if it’s possible. Should I continue having everyone make the same card or take the children who don’t have their fathers in their lives aside and have them make an appreciation card for a parental figure? -- Modern Families, Chicago

DEAR MODERN FAMILIES: It is OK to acknowledge Father’s Day in your class. For Jayden, you can tell him privately that he may want to write a card to his father to send to him in prison. Chances are, his father would greatly appreciate receiving a loving communication from his son.

For the class in general, you can suggest that they make Father’s Day cards for their father or for a father figure in their life. It could be a minister, a super, a grocer, an uncle or an older sibling. Whoever it is, suggest that the person who shows them loving kindness and guidance on a regular basis would love receiving a card from them.

Alternatively, in some single-parent households, mothers take on the role of fathers, too. If you have students who say that their mothers really are superheroes in that way, suggest that they make a card for their mother to acknowledge how she does everything.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My friend "Kim" has been having a rough time recently. She is going through a lot, but she's lashing out at me due to stress. I understand she has a lot on her plate (a critically ill parent, children in trouble at school and a stressful job), but this has been months of me feeling emotionally drained every time she calls me to vent or chastise me for not doing a favor properly for her, like unloading the dishwasher. When can I reach my boiling point? I feel bad for her, but I need to preserve my sanity. -- Emotional Crutch, South Bend, Indiana

DEAR EMOTIONAL CRUTCH: You have every right to speak up for yourself right now. You are Kim’s friend. You are not her therapist. You should schedule a time to see Kim so that you can speak face-to-face. Tell her how sorry you are that she is going through so much difficulty right now. Make it clear to her how much you love her and wish that her load would not be so hard to bear. Then tell her that you also forgive her for being unkind, harsh or unreasonable in her interactions with you, but you need her to know you cannot handle her intense ways of communicating with you anymore. It is wearing you down. Suggest that she see a mental health professional who can give her strategies for handling her life’s challenges. Let her know that her difficulties right now are too much for you to manage. Be clear that you are not abandoning her; you will continue to support her as you are able, but you believe she needs professional help.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am about to become an empty nester. I spent the past 20 years taking care of my children, and now I have only a few months left with children at home. I am completely unsure about how I am going to react. Most of my friends work at least part time, but I haven’t had a job in decades. Should I attempt to get into the workforce? Should I try to find a new passion? My husband has not been helpful during this time. -- Every Chick Gone, Mamaroneck, New York

DEAR EVERY CHICK GONE: A good friend of mine gave me a piece of advice when my daughter was born: namely to put my husband first before my child. "Why?" I exclaimed, rather shocked. “Because one day your child will leave, and all you will have is each other.” That was great advice.

Rather than bemoan what will happen when your children are gone, begin to cultivate bonding activities with your husband. Reinstate date night once a week. Plan fun activities that you both enjoy, and rekindle the bond between the two of you.

Personally, I think it might be perfect to take a class to learn something that interests you greatly but that you haven’t taken the time to consider. You can also volunteer for a charity or hospital where you give your time and resources to others in need.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: At dinner with my children recently, I noticed them treating the waitstaff poorly. They would roll their eyes, not say thank you and barely acknowledge the servers. I was mortified and asked where they learned this. They all shrugged. A conversation is necessary, but I am not sure whether to start with my ex-husband -- who is notorious for being a menace to any staff -- or with my children. Should I start at the root of the problem, or just focus on my children’s behavior? -- We Say Thank You, Shreveport, Louisiana

DEAR WE SAY THANK YOU: Do not bring your ex-husband into a conversation with your children where you are reprimanding them about their behavior. No good will come of that. Instead, be direct with your children, and let them know that you have observed unacceptable behavior from them and you want to talk about it. Give specific examples from your most recent restaurant experience with them where you can point out clearly how they were rude, dismissive and disrespectful. Be clear enough that they cannot wriggle out of it by saying they didn’t do it. Speak about what you witnessed firsthand and how awkward it was for you to see.

Tell them that this is not the way you reared them, and they must stop. Ask them to put themselves in the waiters' shoes for a moment. Imagine how bad they would feel if someone treated them in that same way. Suggest that before they react to others, they think for a moment about how the behavior they want to engage in at that time could be hurtful or helpful. Help them to see the folly of their ways.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a very particular eater who cannot share a plate with anyone. I was on a date, and over wine and flirtation, “Jess” reached her fork over and tried a bite of my food. I couldn't touch it after that; the meal had lost its appeal. I doubt Jess noticed, but is this quirk something I should be revealing to people, or should I expect them to have the manners to stick to their plate? -- Contaminated Calamari, Miami

DEAR CONTAMINATED CALAMARI: If you’ve got it that bad that you can’t eat another bite if someone touches your food, you owe it to yourself and your dining partner(s) to say something. You can point out your quirky peculiarity in jest to make it heard without seeming too odd. Tell your dining partners that you have a phobia about food. Ask them not to pick off your plate. When they ask you why, tell them that you know it may seem illogical, but you have always been like this -- and you won’t be able to eat if they reach over and taste anything on your plate. Now, if you are OK with sharing by placing a bit of food on a separate plate that you hand to them, make that suggestion as a way to keep sharing hygienically.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)