DEAR HARRIETTE: At dinner with my children recently, I noticed them treating the waitstaff poorly. They would roll their eyes, not say thank you and barely acknowledge the servers. I was mortified and asked where they learned this. They all shrugged. A conversation is necessary, but I am not sure whether to start with my ex-husband -- who is notorious for being a menace to any staff -- or with my children. Should I start at the root of the problem, or just focus on my children’s behavior? -- We Say Thank You, Shreveport, Louisiana

DEAR WE SAY THANK YOU: Do not bring your ex-husband into a conversation with your children where you are reprimanding them about their behavior. No good will come of that. Instead, be direct with your children, and let them know that you have observed unacceptable behavior from them and you want to talk about it. Give specific examples from your most recent restaurant experience with them where you can point out clearly how they were rude, dismissive and disrespectful. Be clear enough that they cannot wriggle out of it by saying they didn’t do it. Speak about what you witnessed firsthand and how awkward it was for you to see.

Tell them that this is not the way you reared them, and they must stop. Ask them to put themselves in the waiters' shoes for a moment. Imagine how bad they would feel if someone treated them in that same way. Suggest that before they react to others, they think for a moment about how the behavior they want to engage in at that time could be hurtful or helpful. Help them to see the folly of their ways.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a very particular eater who cannot share a plate with anyone. I was on a date, and over wine and flirtation, “Jess” reached her fork over and tried a bite of my food. I couldn't touch it after that; the meal had lost its appeal. I doubt Jess noticed, but is this quirk something I should be revealing to people, or should I expect them to have the manners to stick to their plate? -- Contaminated Calamari, Miami

DEAR CONTAMINATED CALAMARI: If you’ve got it that bad that you can’t eat another bite if someone touches your food, you owe it to yourself and your dining partner(s) to say something. You can point out your quirky peculiarity in jest to make it heard without seeming too odd. Tell your dining partners that you have a phobia about food. Ask them not to pick off your plate. When they ask you why, tell them that you know it may seem illogical, but you have always been like this -- and you won’t be able to eat if they reach over and taste anything on your plate. Now, if you are OK with sharing by placing a bit of food on a separate plate that you hand to them, make that suggestion as a way to keep sharing hygienically.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have just purchased my first car ever. Although it is a used car, it is in immaculate condition, and I hope to keep it this way for a long time. Many of my friends have had their cars purchased for them by their parents, and they don't respect their vehicles -- or mine. I am sick of dirty shoes being put up on my dash and food being dropped onto the seats. How can I make rules that will be enforced? I feel like a parent in my own car. -- Clean Car, Detroit

DEAR CLEAN CAR: Teaching others to respect your property is not always an easy job. Beware that it may cost you some friends, and it might even earn you an unfavorable nickname. As you put it, having to be a parent in your own car may not be the most fun, but it is the only way to lay down the law and have your friends honor it.

So what should you do? Let your friends know they can ride in your car only if they abide by your rules. Outline the rules -- from no food to no feet on the dash. Include no alcohol and anything else you have seen them do that may bother you. If they balk or do not honor your wishes, simply do not offer them a ride anymore.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am beginning to worry about my husband's mental health. He has a very stressful job and is now logging more and more hours to save for retirement. We have more than enough to live on comfortably, so I am not sure where this panic is coming from. Every time I try to bring up his 15-hour workdays, he begins to repeat how he's only trying to help the family. I know he is actually spending this time working because he is being paid overtime. How do I get to the root of this busy-bee syndrome? -- Ready for Retirement, Atlanta

DEAR READY FOR RETIREMENT: When was the last time your husband had a physical examination? It might be time for a complete checkup to allay any hidden fears he or you may have. It may also help to identify any issues he may have around anxiety. Sometimes a person’s physical state can affect his actions.

Beyond that, try to schedule a week off with your husband where you do something quiet together. It could be a staycation -- a week you spend at home relaxing with each other, talking about life, enjoying your city and not thinking about work. It could also be a trip to a place you both have always wanted to visit. Consider it a trip where you are trying out what retirement might look and feel like. Begin to talk about what you would like to do in retirement and how you might execute your plans. Making the transition to retirement a concrete idea may take away some of the angst regarding whether you will have enough money to enjoy this upcoming time in your life.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a larger woman who typically wears an XL to XXL. Sometimes friends will express that they enjoy my outfit and want to borrow a top or skirt. Although I am flattered, these girls are twigs! There is no way my clothing could look like anything but a potato sack on them.

How can I react when my friends ask to borrow my clothes? I don't want to seem upset about my size, but there is no way I can share clothes with these size 2 ladies. -- XS to XL, Cincinnati

DEAR XS TO XL: Consider it a positive that your friends appreciate your style and want to borrow your clothes! That means you clearly have a look that they admire.

You have a couple of options on how to react when your thinner friends want to borrow your clothes. You can thank them for the compliment and lightheartedly point out that the garment in question would not fit them. You can also let them try on the garment. Occasionally, loose-fitting tops on lean bodies do look good, either when they are just flowing or belted. You may be surprised to learn that one or more of your clothing items could look great on one of your size 2 friends. As long as you are comfortable letting your friends play dress-up in your clothes, it can’t hurt to let them try on their favorite items.

DEAR HARRIETTE: After applying to over a dozen jobs for this summer, I have heard nothing -- not even a rejection. I have started calling places where I've applied to ask them if they've received my application. While I'm usually met with a startled employee, I believe that I am owed at least a rejection from a company. Is this not the case anymore? It's been a while since I've been on the job hunt. -- New Playing Field, Boston

DEAR NEW PLAYING FIELD: A form letter -- at the very least -- remains the protocol that a job applicant should be able to hope to receive. The reality is that there are so many applicants these days for virtually every available position that employers often do become overwhelmed and, in turn, less gracious.

Sorting through job applications to find the right fit for the position in question and discarding the rest has become the norm for many companies. Cold, but true in many cases.

What you did, calling to check on the status of your application, is a great idea. I recommend that you continue to place calls to the businesses where you applied. With an upbeat attitude, call and state that you are following up and are hopeful that the job for which you applied is still available. Launch into clear reasons why you believe you would be perfect for the job. Point out that you can imagine that they have been inundated with applications, and you want to make sure that they got a chance to see yours. Ask if you can resend it directly to whomever you reach on the phone. Your proactive approach may help to land you a job after all.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)