life

Small Friends Can't Borrow Reader's Clothes

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | May 8th, 2017 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a larger woman who typically wears an XL to XXL. Sometimes friends will express that they enjoy my outfit and want to borrow a top or skirt. Although I am flattered, these girls are twigs! There is no way my clothing could look like anything but a potato sack on them.

How can I react when my friends ask to borrow my clothes? I don't want to seem upset about my size, but there is no way I can share clothes with these size 2 ladies. -- XS to XL, Cincinnati

DEAR XS TO XL: Consider it a positive that your friends appreciate your style and want to borrow your clothes! That means you clearly have a look that they admire.

You have a couple of options on how to react when your thinner friends want to borrow your clothes. You can thank them for the compliment and lightheartedly point out that the garment in question would not fit them. You can also let them try on the garment. Occasionally, loose-fitting tops on lean bodies do look good, either when they are just flowing or belted. You may be surprised to learn that one or more of your clothing items could look great on one of your size 2 friends. As long as you are comfortable letting your friends play dress-up in your clothes, it can’t hurt to let them try on their favorite items.

life

Sense & Sensitivity for May 08, 2017

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | May 8th, 2017 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: After applying to over a dozen jobs for this summer, I have heard nothing -- not even a rejection. I have started calling places where I've applied to ask them if they've received my application. While I'm usually met with a startled employee, I believe that I am owed at least a rejection from a company. Is this not the case anymore? It's been a while since I've been on the job hunt. -- New Playing Field, Boston

DEAR NEW PLAYING FIELD: A form letter -- at the very least -- remains the protocol that a job applicant should be able to hope to receive. The reality is that there are so many applicants these days for virtually every available position that employers often do become overwhelmed and, in turn, less gracious.

Sorting through job applications to find the right fit for the position in question and discarding the rest has become the norm for many companies. Cold, but true in many cases.

What you did, calling to check on the status of your application, is a great idea. I recommend that you continue to place calls to the businesses where you applied. With an upbeat attitude, call and state that you are following up and are hopeful that the job for which you applied is still available. Launch into clear reasons why you believe you would be perfect for the job. Point out that you can imagine that they have been inundated with applications, and you want to make sure that they got a chance to see yours. Ask if you can resend it directly to whomever you reach on the phone. Your proactive approach may help to land you a job after all.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

life

Member of Online Chat Group Plans Meetup

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | May 6th, 2017 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been a part of a chat group for a year or so. We originally bonded from our love of playing video games, but we have now turned into a global support system for each other. We have spoken through video chats, and I have found all of these people on social media, so I know I am not being "catfished." I want to organize our first meetup in person. Would it be crazy to invite them to stay at my place? I don't have the funds for an international flight, so I figured I'd be doing my part by allowing them to stay in my house. -- Online Family, West Palm Beach, Florida

DEAR ONLINE FAMILY: Given that this is a group of people -- and not just one -- chances are that you will be safe if they all descend upon your home. What could easily be awkward, though, is managing expectations and expenses. Should you decide to suggest this idea, why not float it first to see who is interested?

If there is substantial interest, lay the ground rules in writing to the group. Without changing the energy of your communications, let them know that you are happy to have everybody stay at your house if everyone agrees to pitch in with particular responsibilities, including chipping in for food (and cooking) and keeping things tidy. Make your list as thorough as you deem important, and only move forward if several people agree to come. A one-on-one meetup could be awkward and unsafe.

life

Sense & Sensitivity for May 06, 2017

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | May 6th, 2017 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: My wife has gone completely bananas baby-proofing our home. She is 8 months pregnant and snaps at me if I don't replace the plastic outlet cover the second I am done using power. Also, I don't always close the gate on the stairs since we do not yet have a child. She thinks these habits of mine will carry over when we have a child, but I think she is overreacting. How can I get her to realize we have months before we seriously have to worry about a mobile baby? There's Time, Pittsburgh

DEAR THERE'S TIME: Beware the intensity of a pregnant woman's demands. I say that having been pregnant myself. The mothering instinct kicks in, and for some women it becomes all about safety. And dare I say, for some of us, a certain skepticism arises as to whether anyone, including Daddy, can possibly keep the child safe enough.

You are dealing with a woman who sounds like she is living somewhere in that state of mind, so tread lightly. Do your best to try to remember to close the gate and cover the outlet. These are simple yet important requests. When, in your estimation, your wife goes too far, ask her to reel it in a bit. Point out that the baby will not crawl, or even sit up for that matter, for a long while after it is born.

Promise to work together with your wife to protect your child. And then, remember to do it. Don't slack. Do pay attention -- all the time. It is actually extremely hard to do, by the way, which is why your wife wants you to practice now.

(Harriette Cole is a life stylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

life

Parent Pays Phone Bills but Gets No Calls

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | May 5th, 2017 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I pay the phone bills of my adult children. They range in age from 18 to 29. I don't mind paying these bills, but my wife recently questioned why I'm doing so if they never answer my calls or text messages. I typically get ignored for a few days. For my youngest, I've tracked down his friend's phone numbers so I can contact him through them when he isn't responsive to me. Should I take my wife's advice and stop paying their phone bills since they don't use these phones to communicate with me? -- Ring Ring, Norman, Oklahoma

DEAR RING RING: As children grow up, it is natural for them to become more independent. This often means that they communicate less with their parents. That said, if you are footing the bill for their independence, you might have a bit of leverage here. Let me ask how often you call them. If you expect to speak to them every day, that may be unrealistic for certain children.

What you need to do is establish a rhythm with them that you both agree to honor. Ask each of them for a once-a-week call on a particular day, preferably within a window of time. Try that to see if it can become routine for you. If they continue to ignore your calls and you believe that you aren't being unreasonable with the frequency of your calls, put your foot down. Tell them that you are unwilling to continue to pay for their phones if they refuse to communicate with you on an agreed-upon regular basis.

Ultimately you may not be able to find an established time with each of your children, but chances are high that they will make the effort to be in touch more if they value your footing that bill. What you want to be mindful of is not lording the money over them. They are likely able to pay their own phone bills. What you really want is to be in touch.

life

Sense & Sensitivity for May 05, 2017

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | May 5th, 2017 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have begun the process of downsizing to move into a small apartment. Originally, I thought I could have a minimalist lifestyle, but I've realized I am too attached to my clothing. How can I possibly let go of my prom dress, my first pair of high heels or my old college sorority shirts? Is downsizing not a possibility for me? -- Memories, Chicago

DEAR MEMORIES: Go through your belongings carefully and put them into piles. Which items do you need for your life -- for all four seasons? Which items fit into the memorabilia category? And which are simply extra? Maybe they don't fit, are out of style, whatever.

Allow yourself the opportunity to let go of things that are holding you back from your move. Solicit help. You may want to start by reading "The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up" by Marie Kondo. This is a precious book that will help you learn how to let go of things that are cluttering your life.

(Harriette Cole is a life stylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

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