DEAR HARRIETTE: My son has been growing out his hair recently. I don't mind long hair as long as it is well-kept, but his high school has contacted me saying he is breaching the rules of the dress code by having hair longer than shoulder-length. My son is not confrontational, but he wants to keep his hair. Should I fight the school or have "Kyle" succumb to the rules? -- Long Hair Don't Care, Bedford, Mississippi

DEAR LONG HAIR DON’T CARE: It is unlikely that you can get your son’s school to change the rules around hair. This does not necessarily mean that your son has to cut his hair, though. Get creative. Many men wear their hair in buns these days. This is a perfect solution for him when he is at school. The so-called “man bun” is so popular it just got added to the dictionary.

Have your son agree that he will always wear his hair in a bun that does not fall out when he is at school. In the evenings, on weekends and whenever he is not at school, let him know he should feel free to wear it however he likes. If the school balks at the bun, you and your son should point out that you are following the rules. Ask them to respect that.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My ex and I co-parent our children, and we constantly get questioned by our family about the nature of our relationship. We have not been together for over two years, but our friendly discourse always causes my siblings to ask me if "Dale" and I are back together. I could see us reuniting one day, but for now I know we do better apart.

Does everyone deserve to know the details of our relationship? We are rocky enough as it is without family getting involved. -- Tired of Rumors, Cincinnati

DEAR TIRED OF RUMORS: Talk to Dale about how you want to handle the questions from family and friends. Agree on a strategy that protects your children and each other, and stick to that. I would recommend that you agree not to talk about your personal relationship with them at all. When they ask if you are getting back together, push back and tell them that what you are doing is parenting your children. You both are mature adults who love your children unconditionally, and you have committed to figuring out how to care for them so that they will be happy and healthy.

When people make comments about how well you two look together or how they can envision you being a couple again, you can thank them for their positive comments and leave it at that. Do not feel the need to explain yourself or your rapport with your ex. Should the day come that the two of you decide to test the waters again, do so discreetly until you are sure of what you want to do. Keeping folks out of your business may create space to rekindle something very special.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: For my birthday this year, my mother took me into a separate room and told me she'd love to gift me a nose job. I have never loved my nose, but I've learned to accept it as a part of myself. I have considered getting it done, but always balked at the cost. Should I accept this birthday present? It bothers me that my mother offered me surgery, never having asked me how I felt about my nose. -- New Plastic, Miami

DEAR NEW PLASTIC: Let’s start with the fact that it is obvious that your mother knows you well, and she knows (without your saying it out loud) that you are uncomfortable with your nose. In fact, she seems to be clear enough about how sensitive you may have been about the topic that she thought long and hard about how to offer this gift to you so that you would not be offended. I recommend that you consider her offer to be very thoughtful and loving.

If you want to have rhinoplasty, thank your mother and schedule an appointment. Leading up to the surgery, talk to her and a counselor about how you feel about yourself. Ultimately, self-esteem issues have to be faced head-on. Surgery doesn’t miraculously take them away.

DEAR HARRIETTE: When my daughter first began driving at 16, I lied to her about a tracker I had "placed" on her car that would tell me her average speed and if she was obeying the law. This lie worked, and she never had an accident the years she drove that car. Now, she has been asking about this tracker for her husband, who is a very reckless driver. She is so sincere about this that I feel bad about the years I was able to keep up my lie. What should I say to her when owning up? -- Old Prank, Pikesville, Maryland

DEAR OLD PRANK: It is time to come clean with your daughter. You can admit to her that the threat of the tracker certainly helped her to become a safe and consistent driver. With her husband, a grown man, it is a different matter altogether. It probably won’t work to try to convince him that you have installed a tracker, because you won’t be able to call him on his driving indiscretions.

You and your daughter should do some research. There’s a very good chance that you can get a tracker of some sort that you can put into your car. Some new cars come with security systems that use GPS to track cars and have live operators at the ready to call a driver in distress. Look into that type of service to see if she can access something that will support her husband’s need for supervision. Your best bet is to look for systems for monitoring teen drivers.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My son is getting in a lot a trouble his senior year of high school. He goes to a boarding school hundreds of miles away, and I have gotten calls and emails about him talking back to teachers, pulling pranks and missing practices. I don’t know what could possibly be going on, but I know that he needs to adjust his attitude. I have worked very hard to give him this education, and I cannot stand to have him kicked out of school with mere months left. How do I get “David” in the right lane? This could jeopardize his future college career. -- Frustrated Father, Dallas

DEAR FRUSTRATED FATHER: You need to go to the school and see your son. With your own eyes, observe his life, his room, his friends. Talk to his teachers and coaches. Schedule meetings so that everything is organized. Set up a meeting with the campus psychologist to get an evaluation of what’s going on with your son. If this behavior is sudden and extreme, chances are something happened to precipitate it. Do your best to find out what’s going on.

Talk to your son about his life. Gently try to get him to open up so that you learn what’s happening. Remind him that he is almost finished with school. He needs to perform well, grade-wise as well as behaviorally, in order to have a good chance of getting into the college of his choice. Monitor him from a distance by staying in touch with members of the administrative staff.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I just underwent surgery, and I am in a horrible mood. I hate being immobile, I hate having to rely on someone and I hate that I am expected to be recovered by July. I need help doing everything from walking up the stairs to cooking food. My morale is incredibly low, and I can tell this makes people want to spend time away from me. How can I find light at the end of this tunnel? I can’t handle losing my mobility and my friends. -- Hurting, Boston

DEAR HURTING: The key here is that you just underwent surgery. Give your body some time to heal a bit, trusting that it will get better. The first few days and weeks after surgery are often tender and do require support. To the best of your ability, be cordial with everyone who helps you. Admit that you are having a hard time with this loss of mobility. Thank them for being willing to help you. Apologize for your bad mood.

Pick something to pay attention to each day that brings you joy. It could be reading a book or eating fruit or writing in your journal. It could even be watching a comedy on TV. Do your best to avoid sad stories right now. Choose to pay attention to uplifting things to help support a better mood.

Stay in touch with your doctor and explain your mood. If it does not improve soon, you may be given temporary medication to help you. Let your doctor guide you medically. Spiritually, you can pray, meditate and choose to believe that you will get better -- because you will!

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)