DEAR HARRIETTE: My roommate’s boyfriend spends more time at our home than at his own. He sleeps over, cooks, showers and does laundry here. Since he uses our resources, I proposed asking “Jake” to contribute to bills, which we split evenly. My roommate freaked out and refused to even acknowledge that I had the right to ask. How else could I have started the conversation? -- Up Front, Miami

DEAR UP FRONT: Generally, no good comes out of these situations, I’m sorry to say. Of course the boyfriend should share the costs, but getting your roommate to put her foot down on that is usually a losing battle. The one time that you can get traction on such a situation is if the landlord steps in and says that anyone living in the apartment for an extended period of time must pay. But that works only if you have something written into your contract to that point, or if your landlord and you have enough muscle to guilt the boyfriend out. Otherwise, what often happens is that hurt feelings come to a boiling point and somebody moves. So, get ready.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My landlord has been walking into my house unannounced. Being a 20-year-old woman, this unnerves me, and I don't know how to approach my landlord about this behavior. He is also a police officer, so I feel stuck on how to react to him. These visits are to remind us of bills and to not have parties in the home, but a text would suffice. How do I get my landlord to respect my rights as a renter? -- Closed Door, Rochester, New York

DEAR CLOSED DOOR: You have the right to be in your apartment by yourself without your landlord coming in. Period. It will take a bit of courage for you to address your landlord, but you must do it. For starters, speak to him and let him know that it makes you uncomfortable that he comes into your space unannounced. Ask him to stop.

Secondly, hire a locksmith. Yes, you should spend $100 or so to get an additional lock put on your door. Your landlord may not appreciate this, so don’t tell him. Unless there is a clear stipulation in your contract about locks, you absolutely can do this. Do your best to organize the locksmith at an hour when your landlord is not likely to be home, to cut down on any friction that may come. Get a top lock added to your door. When he questions you about it, remind him that you felt uneasy with him entering your apartment without permission. Tell him that it works much better for you to communicate with him by phone, text or email. Ask him to respect your privacy by engaging you in one of these ways. It will be very important for you to follow his house rules after this, because he will likely feel embarrassed and angry about your assertive stance. Go for it, and document his behavior, too!

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have picked up the hobby of stand-up paddle boarding. I love waking up to watch the sunrise and get out on the water. My stepfather, in an attempt to bond with me, surprised me by saying he has purchased a paddleboard for himself. This is a big investment, and the worst part is that I use paddle boarding as my alone time -- not a time to talk about how useful accounting is in life.

How can I politely tell my stepfather that I can give him a lesson, but from then on, he’s on his own? -- Paddling Away, Ocean City, Maryland

DEAR PADDLING AWAY: You need to be honest and gentle with your stepfather. You must have been talking about your new hobby to the point that he considered it could be a way to connect with you. Now you have to manage that sharing of information.

It would be very kind of you to teach your stepfather how to paddle board. During your lessons, you can slip in comments about the serenity of the experience, what you like to do most when you are balancing on the water and how important it is to you to experience silence during this time of peace and quiet. Then watch to see how well your stepfather can fall into your pacing. If it works comfortably, you might tell him that you would like to share the experience with him on occasion, but mainly this is your meditation time.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My friend, who is an artist, gifted me a very large painting. This painting is of an ugly fish, and it's 6 feet across. I like to keep my walls bare, so she knows I have the space to hang it. Honestly, I think this could traumatize guests and does not suit me at all.

Do I have to hang this painting? Do I have the obligation to tell her why I won’t display it? -- From the HeART, San Diego

DEAR FROM THE HEART: Ah, you are entering tough territory. If your friend visits your home, which it sounds like she does, you should come clean. Thank her for her generosity, and then admit that you do not hang art on your walls. You like a clean palate; therefore, you really cannot accept her gift. Point out that you would feel terrible storing it away when, clearly, it is something that she spent time and creativity making. If she suggests leaning it against the wall or otherwise presses for you to try it out -- “Hey, you might like art on your walls after all!” -- you will have to confess that while you see her creativity, you are a little frightened by the fish and do not feel comfortable living with it in your space. Your friend is an artist. While her feelings may be hurt, she will have to understand that not everybody is going to fall in love with her work.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have always wanted to live in Argentina to learn Spanish and soak in the culture. I feel confident about getting a job there, but I don’t know if my husband knows just how much I have been thinking about it. We spoke about my desire to move to another country before we got married three years ago and he was receptive, yet now I don’t think he’d want to move. We are still in our early 20s, so it feels like now is the time. How do I bring up the option of a move? I don’t want to be gone for long -- two years at maximum. -- Cordoba Dreams, Boston

DEAR CORDOBA DREAMS: It’s very good that you introduced this idea to your husband before you got married. At least there is a precedent for the idea. You need to drum up the courage to state your dream. Start by reminding your husband of your desire to live in Argentina for a while. Tell him that it has been occupying a lot of your imagination and you want to think about it seriously before having kids (if you want them) and settling down entirely. Ask him if he would be willing to consider moving to Argentina for a while. Explore the idea, and suggest taking a vacation together there for starters. This is a way for both of you to check out Argentina and see if your idea will work.

Ultimately, you and your husband need to be on the same page as to whatever decision you make if you want to preserve your marriage. There is no one right answer. Every couple works out challenges together.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I want my internship to extend into a full-time job. I have been an intern at this company for six months, and I hope that they see potential in me, which is why they keep me around. Would it be presumptuous of me to ask my boss where they see this internship going? I don’t want to waste time as an intern when I could be applying for other jobs. -- No Job Offer, Cincinnati

DEAR NO JOB OFFER: Internships are designed to be opportunities for students to get on-the-job training in their field of interest. It can be like an apprenticeship. And it’s normal to think that there is potential for an internship to turn into a job, especially if the intern is about to be available -- i.e., no longer in school.

By all means, go to your boss and pitch yourself for a full-time paid job at the company. Rather than asking where they see the internship going, tell them where you envision yourself within the organization. Pitch your skills and abilities, and remind your boss of specific examples of how you have helped the bottom line during your tenure as an intern. Ask directly if the company will consider you for a position in the coming months.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)