DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a housekeeper on the weekends for extra cash, but I don't tell this to anyone except my boyfriend because I am embarrassed. Almost all of my mother's and father's family worked in domestic service for generations. None of them was educated, and this is how they earned a living. They worked hard and saved money so that we could have a better life. And my siblings and I do the same.

I work a full-time job, but I need extra cash. I have this "secret" extra job that takes up almost all of my free time, so my friends don't seem to understand why I am never free on the weekends. They are starting to become very suspicious of my whereabouts. Should I come clean to them about my second job or keep it my secret? -- Scrub Scrub, Philadelphia

DEAR SCRUB SCRUB: The first thing you need to do is recognize that there is no shame in your housekeeping work. I get that you can feel that way, but I encourage you to think about your family's history. You wouldn't be where you are without your family proudly doing their work. The fact that you know how to clean well enough to be hired to do it is a blessing.

My maternal grandmother was a domestic worker until she was 93 years old, when my mother forced her to retire. When I questioned her about why she was continuing to do this work, she challenged me and told me that she loved her work and the people she worked for. She added that when the day came that I would have work, it would be my job to love my work and those with whom I worked, too. She saw work as an honorable pursuit, and that work of all kinds should be respected.

I recommend that you tell your friends that you have a part-time job that takes up your weekend time. Feel free to tell them what it is if they ask. Be proud that you are making choices that will help you to meet your goals.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I feel like I have outgrown many of my friends. They constantly put me down by saying I changed. Although it is true that I have changed because of life events in the past year, I don't think this is a reason to be putting me down. I have tried to keep in contact with these friends, but I find it difficult to have anything to talk about. Is it time for me to bow out of this friend group? -- Not That Girl Anymore, Parsippany, New York

DEAR NOT THAT GIRL ANYMORE: Assess what you want and need. You say you have outgrown your friends. If they no longer treat you with love and respect, perhaps it is time to move on. Consider each one individually. If any of the relationships are worth salvaging, reach out to those people one by one to see if you mutually want to continue your friendship. Otherwise, you can naturally just move on. Not all friendships are meant to last forever.

(Harriette Cole is a life stylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: If you've just been crying, do you apologize for your appearance or ignore the tears that obviously just happened? I don't like to talk about my feelings much, but it seems silly to ignore my appearance when accepting food from a delivery person. Do I owe them an explanation, or should I just ignore the situation? -- Crybaby, Boston

DEAR CRYBABY: You have no obligation to talk about your emotional state when you are receiving a delivery. Ideally, it would be good for you to wipe your face before opening the door so that you have regained some modicum of composure. But unless this is a delivery person with whom you have an ongoing interaction -- as in, unless this is the person who usually delivers from your favorite restaurant and with whom you have some kind of personal rapport -- you should simply say, "Thank you," pay for your delivery, offer a tip and conclude that interaction.

DEAR HARRIETTE: One of my friends is upset with me because I will not celebrate her entire "birthday weekend" with her. She has called me a bad friend and told me that she no longer wants a present from me since I won't be attending her birthday party in Las Vegas (seriously). "Dejana" is not normally a brat like this, so I am not sure whether to cut her some slack. Should I call her out for her ridiculous birthday demands? We have been close for a long time. I don't know what has gotten into her. -- Birth-DAY, Milwaukee

DEAR BIRTH-DAY: Request a face-to-face with Dejana. Ask her what's going on. There may be an underlying concern that she is hiding from you that is driving her urgency to have you participate in all of the birthday activities.

I experienced a similar situation. One time, a friend was hosting a big birthday celebration during the holiday season, and the remote location of the event was inconvenient for some of the invitees. She pressed for friends to come. Why? She had terminal cancer and urgently wanted her loved ones to celebrate with her while she was alive. Some could go, but not all. Though she was saddened that not everyone could fete with her, she forgave those who could not attend.

Talk to your friend. Find out what her story is. Listen carefully so that you can assess how to support her. Tell her your situation, too. Be honest. If you cannot afford to go, do not have the time to go, or otherwise just can't do everything, make that clear to her. Apologize for not being able to participate in all facets of her celebration. Remind her of how much you love her and want her to have a spectacular celebration.

Bring her a birthday gift and give it to her anyway. Tell her you will not take no for an answer. Forgive her for being overly emotional and selfish as she plans her party. Just love her through it all, as you also make practical choices for yourself.

(Harriette Cole is a life stylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I plan on studying abroad some time in my college career. This is probably the only opportunity I will ever have to live in another country for months at a time, and I have set my sights on a small town in South Africa. Upon mentioning my wishes to one of my friends, she exclaimed that she has been wanting to go on this program, too, for the same period of months.

I wanted this trip to be complete immersion in another culture with no safety net of friends, so I do not want to go if we both get accepted. What should I say to "Katie" about my complete 180? -- No More, Syracuse, New York

DEAR NO MORE: The big lesson here is that you talked too much. That said, I think it is shortsighted of you to give up your dream because your friend might try to go and might get in. Her possible presence during this time abroad should not have that much impact on your plans.

Can you say something to her? Yes, you can. In fact, you can be honest with her and tell her how much you wanted to go on this journey independent of any of your friends. You can ask her if she would consider going at a different time than you. Obviously, your entreaty is no guarantee that she won't go, but you can state your case.

Recognize that knowing someone when you are many miles away from home can be a comfort without being a drag. It is also possible that you may discover that some other person you know or who is from your school or city could also participate in the program at the same time. You are not the only one applying for this program. You could choose to relax, see who participates and welcome whatever experience unfolds.

DEAR HARRIETTE: How can I go about earning respect as a younger administrative employee at a company? Some of the people I work with are a decade older than me, and even though we have the same position, I still get treated like I don't know what I am talking about because of my age. My experience and education make me qualified for the job, so do I just have to wait until I get older to gain respect from my peers? -- Young'un, Jackson, Mississippi

DEAR YOUNG'UN: This is a classic experience, almost a rite of passage for many young employees. While it is discriminatory for employees to be treated differently because of their age, it happens all too often. There are a few things you can do to support yourself.

Avoid getting into sparring matches with the offenders. They likely are intimidated by the new person in the office and may feel that you are either a current or future threat. Be kind to them despite their bad behavior. Dress professionally. When you look the part, it helps to deflect from your youth. Keep good records of your work and accomplishments so that if anyone attempts to claim your work as their own, you can prove what is yours. Bide your time. After the team gets to know you better, most will relax their unacceptable behavior.

(Harriette Cole is a life stylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)