DEAR HARRIETTE: I was recently using my friend’s laptop, and a message from her boyfriend came up on the top right corner. I did not open it to read it in its entirety, but it appeared as though he was being emotionally abusive and gaslighting her in the message. How do I tell her about his manipulative techniques without my friend getting mad at me for reading her messages? -- Faux Beau, Milwaukee

DEAR FAUX BEAU: This may be a time that it is worth it for your friend to possibly be mad at you. Talk to her about what you read. Set it up carefully. Tell her that you were using her laptop when the message popped up, and you saw it. While you did not mean to break privacy, you did see the message, and it concerns you. Tell her how upset her boyfriend’s message made you because it got you worried that he is mistreating her. Ask your friend if she would like to talk about it. Ask if she is OK. Pledge that you will support her in any way that you can.

For your emotional health, know that you cannot get your friend to walk away from this man. It is completely up to her what she does next. Even if she chooses not to talk to you for a while given your breach of privacy, know that you did your part by commenting on what you saw.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My friends are in their mid-20s and experiencing their “last hurrah” with partying. They have been doing hard drugs. I recently had a relative pass away due to a drug overdose, so their behavior makes me scared. How do I tell them that this “last hurrah” is much more dangerous than they think? I don’t think they’ve ever had someone close to them overdose. -- Not a Party, New Orleans

DEAR NOT A PARTY: When people are immersed in drug use, they usually cannot hear others who are begging them to stop. That doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t try. If you can be in your friends’ company at a time when they are sober, that’s your best chance of being heard. See if you can schedule breakfast or some other early activity with them.

When face to face, ask if you can speak directly to them. With their blessing, express your extreme concern for their well-being. Tell them that you know they are doing hard drugs, and you are worried for their lives. Explain that this may seem like fun now, but their behavior could kill them. Then tell them about your relative who died from an overdose. Tell them in detail who this relative was, what kind of life he had before getting involved with drugs and what the person’s demise looked like. Be graphic so that there is no question about how tragic your relative’s death was. Plead with your friends to get help so that they can stop. Tell them how much you love them and do not want to see them die.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: Is a gift card an impersonal gift? Sometimes I find myself too busy or at a loss for ideas when it comes time to give presents. For example, I got my friend a gift card to a store I know she likes. I felt bad, but also knew it would be put to good use. Should I have gone to the store and picked something out that she may have returned instead? -- Gift Card, Raleigh, North Carolina

DEAR GIFT CARD: Some of the most popular gifts these days are gift cards. Yes, they are quick and easy for the givers, but also they're like giving somebody cash to buy what he or she likes. The fact that you thought about your friend and got her a card from one of her favorite stores shows that you were being thoughtful. You could have given a gift card from American Express, Visa or Mastercard that could be used anywhere. By the way, those are great gifts as well.

One way to further personalize a gift is to buy or make a card in which you include a special note acknowledging your friend.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am 60 years old and have been feeling that I am too old to go to professional workshops. I have only a few years left to go until I retire, and I hate how out of touch I feel when these young professionals are teaching me. Do you have any words of motivation so I can feel good about going to these again? -- Oldest One There, Atlanta

DEAR OLDEST ONE THERE: We reach different moments in our lives when everything comes into question. This occurs with greater frequency as we get older. It is your choice, however, as to how you will react to these moments. As it relates to work, one way you can stay young is to stay up to date on everything. You should take professional workshops so that you remain relevant at work. You should also welcome the young professionals who teach you what they know.

As difficult as it may seem at first, if you welcome the input of younger people and truly allow yourself to learn, you will be able to enjoy your remaining working years much better. Similarly, go online and look for tutorials that are available there. Thanks to the internet, there is so much educational material available that you should be able to help yourself to keep up with changes in your industry.

You may even want to bring ideas to your younger colleagues that you have read about in your research. Ask them if they know about particular things you discover. Your putting forth the effort will help to boost your self-esteem and show your company that you not only have experience in your favor, but you also have the willingness to continue to be a student of your industry and life.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I often go to fast-food restaurants for lunch. It is quick, affordable and delicious, at least the place that I go to. I usually go by myself because I have only a short time for my lunch break at work.

Is it when rude to relocate yourself if a group of loud strangers seats themselves directly next to you? For example, I usually get a burrito for lunch and sit at the bar. A group of a dozen teenagers will decide to set up camp directly behind me, even though there are many open tables in this space. Could I move because I have good reason to want to enjoy my lunch in peace? -- Alone Time, Phoenix

DEAR ALONE TIME: You have every right to eat in peace, even in a fast-food restaurant. Of course you can get up and move if a group of noisy diners sits next to you. Don’t give it a second thought. Also, be mindful not to judge them. They are enjoying themselves as well. Since you are not dining in a quiet restaurant, you cannot expect silence. You can distance yourself from loud diners, but do so with a smile on your face.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am in a predicament where I feel inadequate as a mother. I was studying with my 12-year-old daughter, and I realized that I don't know how to help her academically anymore. I was fine through elementary school curriculum, but I can’t seem to remember the specifics.

My father helped me with schoolwork through high school, so I feel like a dud, unable to help my daughter. Should I study up or suggest she get help after school? -- Forgotten Knowledge, Gary, Indiana

DEAR FORGOTTEN KNOWLEDGE: I feel your pain, as I am in a very similar place with my 13-year-old. I know some things, but there’s a lot that makes no sense to me. I have discovered that there are a few things you can do to stay connected to your child as you ensure that she gets the support she needs.

For starters, you can continue to listen to your daughter share various homework assignments with you. Her articulating her lessons out loud is helpful to her, even if you don’t understand. Listen carefully to see what you can pick up. Do not pretend to know the answers if you don’t know them. Be honest.

Be sure to get your daughter additional help. She should know if there are study sessions or tutoring opportunities at the school. You can also contact her teacher and ask for recommendations for academic support available at school -- many offer before- or after-school study sessions. If this is not available, consider hiring a tutor to help your daughter in areas where she needs it.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)