life

Lunch Eater Wants to Move Away From Loud People

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | April 6th, 2017 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I often go to fast-food restaurants for lunch. It is quick, affordable and delicious, at least the place that I go to. I usually go by myself because I have only a short time for my lunch break at work.

Is it when rude to relocate yourself if a group of loud strangers seats themselves directly next to you? For example, I usually get a burrito for lunch and sit at the bar. A group of a dozen teenagers will decide to set up camp directly behind me, even though there are many open tables in this space. Could I move because I have good reason to want to enjoy my lunch in peace? -- Alone Time, Phoenix

DEAR ALONE TIME: You have every right to eat in peace, even in a fast-food restaurant. Of course you can get up and move if a group of noisy diners sits next to you. Don’t give it a second thought. Also, be mindful not to judge them. They are enjoying themselves as well. Since you are not dining in a quiet restaurant, you cannot expect silence. You can distance yourself from loud diners, but do so with a smile on your face.

life

Sense & Sensitivity for April 06, 2017

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | April 6th, 2017 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am in a predicament where I feel inadequate as a mother. I was studying with my 12-year-old daughter, and I realized that I don't know how to help her academically anymore. I was fine through elementary school curriculum, but I can’t seem to remember the specifics.

My father helped me with schoolwork through high school, so I feel like a dud, unable to help my daughter. Should I study up or suggest she get help after school? -- Forgotten Knowledge, Gary, Indiana

DEAR FORGOTTEN KNOWLEDGE: I feel your pain, as I am in a very similar place with my 13-year-old. I know some things, but there’s a lot that makes no sense to me. I have discovered that there are a few things you can do to stay connected to your child as you ensure that she gets the support she needs.

For starters, you can continue to listen to your daughter share various homework assignments with you. Her articulating her lessons out loud is helpful to her, even if you don’t understand. Listen carefully to see what you can pick up. Do not pretend to know the answers if you don’t know them. Be honest.

Be sure to get your daughter additional help. She should know if there are study sessions or tutoring opportunities at the school. You can also contact her teacher and ask for recommendations for academic support available at school -- many offer before- or after-school study sessions. If this is not available, consider hiring a tutor to help your daughter in areas where she needs it.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

life

Friend May Not Have Confided for Professional Opinion

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | April 5th, 2017 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: My friend has confided to me about her son’s troubles in school. He is the goofball of his class and doesn’t like sitting down to do work. He is in third grade, and "Adrienne" is saddened that he is not doing well in any of his classes.

I work with children who have ADD and ADHD, but I was not sure if she was telling me about her son’s troubles because he most likely has ADHD. Should I reach out to her and give her my professional opinion? I doubt she was coming to me only as a friend, knowing my profession. -- Work and Friends, Seattle

DEAR WORK AND FRIENDS: You should not give her your professional opinion, but you can speak to her in greater depth about her situation. Start by asking her if she told you about her son’s issues because she needs help. You can remind her of what you do and tell her that if she wants to have her son evaluated, you can explain the path forward. You can recommend doctors for him to visit. Depending upon how close you are and how comfortable you feel, you may also offer to have her schedule an appointment with you to evaluate him. It is important for you to be professional in your discussions with your friend as you advise about medical professionals and if you decide to help the boy yourself. Offer no potential evaluation on the fly.

life

Sense & Sensitivity for April 05, 2017

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | April 5th, 2017 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: More companies are now asking for a cover letter for any position you are applying for -- even an unpaid part-time internship. I have found at every attempt to write a cover letter that I sound cheesy and desperate.

I obviously want the job I am applying for, but I don’t know how else to sell myself without basically begging. What do employers want? -- Not Covered, Cleveland

DEAR NOT COVERED: Your job in a cover letter is to bring your story and credentials to life in a way that clearly shows a potential employer that you have the ability to do the job available. Your focus should be tailored to how you can be of service to this company. To the extent that you know details about the company’s work and objectives, do your best to mention those things and point out specific ways that you can contribute to the company’s success.

If you have very little work experience in general or in the company’s area of focus, write about other attributes, like being a fast learner, being conscientious, loyal, timely, professional, even-tempered, creative, etc. Select descriptions that are unique to you, and give an example or two to illustrate your point.

Avoid being vague. You must make it clear to this potential employer that you believe this job is tailor-made for you. A mistake that many young people make is to say they will take any job that’s available just to get their foot in the door, or they are undecided but want a chance. An employer needs to believe that you want the specific job that’s available.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

life

Mom Worried About Leaving Son Alone With Husband

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | April 4th, 2017 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am planning on taking my first trip out of the country since giving birth. I am nervous to leave my husband alone with our child. He has barely spent any time alone with our 7-month-old son.

How can I put myself at ease without offending my husband regarding his parenting? I would feel more comfortable if my mother came to stay with our son as well. -- Mom Knows Best, Jackson, Mississippi

DEAR MOM KNOWS BEST: Trust your gut. It is smart for you to set up your husband and son for success. Don’t think of this as offending him.

Consider the idea of inviting your mother to come help as a support. Talk to your husband and explain to him that you want to make your absence as comfortable as possible for the family. Given how much time and attention you know is required with a baby, you want to make it easy for your husband to manage his time and care for your son. For this reason, you want your mother to come and stay at your house while you are away. Present this to him as a suggestion so that he doesn’t feel like you are bossing him around, as that may annoy him.

Talk to your mother about boundaries and expectations. She needs to be mindful that your husband may need his space. Whenever he wants to help out with your son, she should allow him the time and space to do so. They should discuss a plan for who will do what in advance, if at all possible.

life

Sense & Sensitivity for April 04, 2017

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | April 4th, 2017 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: My friend "Eileen" is excessively nosy about my son. Our sons are the same age, and she constantly asks how "Adam" is doing in school and sports. I try not to talk about my children much at the risk of boring everyone, but I feel especially uneasy around Eileen.

Comparing children is toxic. How could I get her to cut it out? No two children are the same. -- Unique, Detroit

DEAR UNIQUE: Here’s the perfect time to deflect. While Eileen wants to know details about Adam, redirect the conversation and ask her how her son is doing. Yes, you may have to endure listening to long stories about her son’s education and extracurricular activities, but you will likely not have to answer the question. People love to talk about themselves and commonly lose sight of others when they get into their stories.

You can choose to be direct and tell Eileen that you don’t like comparing children. It is not a practice that you believe is healthy, so you will pass on sharing the blow-by-blow details of Adam’s life. A third option is for you to answer in vague ways, saying, "Adam really likes school. This is a great year for him. How about your son?" (See the pivot.) Same with sports: "Adam is an active kid. I’m glad he enjoys playing baseball/football (whatever it is). How about your son?"

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

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