DEAR HARRIETTE: My friend has confided to me about her son’s troubles in school. He is the goofball of his class and doesn’t like sitting down to do work. He is in third grade, and "Adrienne" is saddened that he is not doing well in any of his classes.

I work with children who have ADD and ADHD, but I was not sure if she was telling me about her son’s troubles because he most likely has ADHD. Should I reach out to her and give her my professional opinion? I doubt she was coming to me only as a friend, knowing my profession. -- Work and Friends, Seattle

DEAR WORK AND FRIENDS: You should not give her your professional opinion, but you can speak to her in greater depth about her situation. Start by asking her if she told you about her son’s issues because she needs help. You can remind her of what you do and tell her that if she wants to have her son evaluated, you can explain the path forward. You can recommend doctors for him to visit. Depending upon how close you are and how comfortable you feel, you may also offer to have her schedule an appointment with you to evaluate him. It is important for you to be professional in your discussions with your friend as you advise about medical professionals and if you decide to help the boy yourself. Offer no potential evaluation on the fly.

DEAR HARRIETTE: More companies are now asking for a cover letter for any position you are applying for -- even an unpaid part-time internship. I have found at every attempt to write a cover letter that I sound cheesy and desperate.

I obviously want the job I am applying for, but I don’t know how else to sell myself without basically begging. What do employers want? -- Not Covered, Cleveland

DEAR NOT COVERED: Your job in a cover letter is to bring your story and credentials to life in a way that clearly shows a potential employer that you have the ability to do the job available. Your focus should be tailored to how you can be of service to this company. To the extent that you know details about the company’s work and objectives, do your best to mention those things and point out specific ways that you can contribute to the company’s success.

If you have very little work experience in general or in the company’s area of focus, write about other attributes, like being a fast learner, being conscientious, loyal, timely, professional, even-tempered, creative, etc. Select descriptions that are unique to you, and give an example or two to illustrate your point.

Avoid being vague. You must make it clear to this potential employer that you believe this job is tailor-made for you. A mistake that many young people make is to say they will take any job that’s available just to get their foot in the door, or they are undecided but want a chance. An employer needs to believe that you want the specific job that’s available.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am planning on taking my first trip out of the country since giving birth. I am nervous to leave my husband alone with our child. He has barely spent any time alone with our 7-month-old son.

How can I put myself at ease without offending my husband regarding his parenting? I would feel more comfortable if my mother came to stay with our son as well. -- Mom Knows Best, Jackson, Mississippi

DEAR MOM KNOWS BEST: Trust your gut. It is smart for you to set up your husband and son for success. Don’t think of this as offending him.

Consider the idea of inviting your mother to come help as a support. Talk to your husband and explain to him that you want to make your absence as comfortable as possible for the family. Given how much time and attention you know is required with a baby, you want to make it easy for your husband to manage his time and care for your son. For this reason, you want your mother to come and stay at your house while you are away. Present this to him as a suggestion so that he doesn’t feel like you are bossing him around, as that may annoy him.

Talk to your mother about boundaries and expectations. She needs to be mindful that your husband may need his space. Whenever he wants to help out with your son, she should allow him the time and space to do so. They should discuss a plan for who will do what in advance, if at all possible.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My friend "Eileen" is excessively nosy about my son. Our sons are the same age, and she constantly asks how "Adam" is doing in school and sports. I try not to talk about my children much at the risk of boring everyone, but I feel especially uneasy around Eileen.

Comparing children is toxic. How could I get her to cut it out? No two children are the same. -- Unique, Detroit

DEAR UNIQUE: Here’s the perfect time to deflect. While Eileen wants to know details about Adam, redirect the conversation and ask her how her son is doing. Yes, you may have to endure listening to long stories about her son’s education and extracurricular activities, but you will likely not have to answer the question. People love to talk about themselves and commonly lose sight of others when they get into their stories.

You can choose to be direct and tell Eileen that you don’t like comparing children. It is not a practice that you believe is healthy, so you will pass on sharing the blow-by-blow details of Adam’s life. A third option is for you to answer in vague ways, saying, "Adam really likes school. This is a great year for him. How about your son?" (See the pivot.) Same with sports: "Adam is an active kid. I’m glad he enjoys playing baseball/football (whatever it is). How about your son?"

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: When going abroad, is there still an expectation to bring back souvenirs for friends and family? I feel like I have never appreciated a keychain or refrigerator magnet, but I do not want to offend anybody. -- Tchotchkes, Dallas

DEAR TCHOTCHKES: This is a great question. Remember when cheesy T-shirts were popular, the ones that said some version of “My friend went to --, and all I got was this lousy T-shirt”? That was a cute gimmick.

You are right that many impulse tourist gifts end up being a waste of money. Why not think differently? Take a lot of pictures on your journey. Send specific images that would be of interest to certain people. If someone loves flowers and you visit a beautiful garden, send that photo. An art lover might appreciate an image of a famous museum or work of art -- if you are allowed to photograph it. You could also purchase postcards of the art that you see.

If you happen upon a gift item that seems perfect for one of your loved ones, by all means get it. The way you can protect yourself from hurt feelings of others who didn’t receive something extra is to have a photo for everyone. You can also save it for their birthday.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My brother is a recovering alcoholic who does not drink. At a large gathering, he raised his glass of water to toast and was quickly berated by someone saying that is “bad luck” to toast with water and to order a drink. Is toasting with water actually bad luck? If so, how can he get around this superstition without alerting everybody to his struggles? -- Water Only, Cincinnati

DEAR WATER ONLY: I am not an expert on luck, nor do I buy into such claims, though I have heard them. The superstition goes back to Greek mythology, where it was presumed that the dead were to drink water from the River Lethe to forget their past lives. While many hold onto some lingering sense of dread regarding toasting with water, your brother does not have to buy into that convoluted thinking. He could simply choose to brush off anyone who challenges him on what’s in his glass.

What some recovering alcoholics do to keep people off their back at social functions is to accept a glass of wine but never drink it. This works only for a person with clear resolve, so that the wine presents no temptation. If there is a glass of wine at the person’s place setting, generally people leave you alone.

Less risky is simply to have a glass of something non-alcoholic. Juice or iced tea is colored and could be less of a standout for your brother, since he wants people to not notice his alcohol-free glass.

Most important is for your brother to do what helps him to stay sober. He is under no obligation to tell anyone about his recovery, though it might help him to have a buddy with him at these events who knows his situation and can be of support. Another thing for him to notice is that there surely are other people at any event who are not drinking -- for whatever their reasons. He is probably not alone.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)