DEAR HARRIETTE: I am planning on taking my first trip out of the country since giving birth. I am nervous to leave my husband alone with our child. He has barely spent any time alone with our 7-month-old son.

How can I put myself at ease without offending my husband regarding his parenting? I would feel more comfortable if my mother came to stay with our son as well. -- Mom Knows Best, Jackson, Mississippi

DEAR MOM KNOWS BEST: Trust your gut. It is smart for you to set up your husband and son for success. Don’t think of this as offending him.

Consider the idea of inviting your mother to come help as a support. Talk to your husband and explain to him that you want to make your absence as comfortable as possible for the family. Given how much time and attention you know is required with a baby, you want to make it easy for your husband to manage his time and care for your son. For this reason, you want your mother to come and stay at your house while you are away. Present this to him as a suggestion so that he doesn’t feel like you are bossing him around, as that may annoy him.

Talk to your mother about boundaries and expectations. She needs to be mindful that your husband may need his space. Whenever he wants to help out with your son, she should allow him the time and space to do so. They should discuss a plan for who will do what in advance, if at all possible.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My friend "Eileen" is excessively nosy about my son. Our sons are the same age, and she constantly asks how "Adam" is doing in school and sports. I try not to talk about my children much at the risk of boring everyone, but I feel especially uneasy around Eileen.

Comparing children is toxic. How could I get her to cut it out? No two children are the same. -- Unique, Detroit

DEAR UNIQUE: Here’s the perfect time to deflect. While Eileen wants to know details about Adam, redirect the conversation and ask her how her son is doing. Yes, you may have to endure listening to long stories about her son’s education and extracurricular activities, but you will likely not have to answer the question. People love to talk about themselves and commonly lose sight of others when they get into their stories.

You can choose to be direct and tell Eileen that you don’t like comparing children. It is not a practice that you believe is healthy, so you will pass on sharing the blow-by-blow details of Adam’s life. A third option is for you to answer in vague ways, saying, "Adam really likes school. This is a great year for him. How about your son?" (See the pivot.) Same with sports: "Adam is an active kid. I’m glad he enjoys playing baseball/football (whatever it is). How about your son?"

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: When going abroad, is there still an expectation to bring back souvenirs for friends and family? I feel like I have never appreciated a keychain or refrigerator magnet, but I do not want to offend anybody. -- Tchotchkes, Dallas

DEAR TCHOTCHKES: This is a great question. Remember when cheesy T-shirts were popular, the ones that said some version of “My friend went to --, and all I got was this lousy T-shirt”? That was a cute gimmick.

You are right that many impulse tourist gifts end up being a waste of money. Why not think differently? Take a lot of pictures on your journey. Send specific images that would be of interest to certain people. If someone loves flowers and you visit a beautiful garden, send that photo. An art lover might appreciate an image of a famous museum or work of art -- if you are allowed to photograph it. You could also purchase postcards of the art that you see.

If you happen upon a gift item that seems perfect for one of your loved ones, by all means get it. The way you can protect yourself from hurt feelings of others who didn’t receive something extra is to have a photo for everyone. You can also save it for their birthday.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My brother is a recovering alcoholic who does not drink. At a large gathering, he raised his glass of water to toast and was quickly berated by someone saying that is “bad luck” to toast with water and to order a drink. Is toasting with water actually bad luck? If so, how can he get around this superstition without alerting everybody to his struggles? -- Water Only, Cincinnati

DEAR WATER ONLY: I am not an expert on luck, nor do I buy into such claims, though I have heard them. The superstition goes back to Greek mythology, where it was presumed that the dead were to drink water from the River Lethe to forget their past lives. While many hold onto some lingering sense of dread regarding toasting with water, your brother does not have to buy into that convoluted thinking. He could simply choose to brush off anyone who challenges him on what’s in his glass.

What some recovering alcoholics do to keep people off their back at social functions is to accept a glass of wine but never drink it. This works only for a person with clear resolve, so that the wine presents no temptation. If there is a glass of wine at the person’s place setting, generally people leave you alone.

Less risky is simply to have a glass of something non-alcoholic. Juice or iced tea is colored and could be less of a standout for your brother, since he wants people to not notice his alcohol-free glass.

Most important is for your brother to do what helps him to stay sober. He is under no obligation to tell anyone about his recovery, though it might help him to have a buddy with him at these events who knows his situation and can be of support. Another thing for him to notice is that there surely are other people at any event who are not drinking -- for whatever their reasons. He is probably not alone.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My mother moved to the United States from Eastern Europe recently. She speaks a little English and tries to socialize. She doesn't understand that we don't comment on someone's weight gain in America. Where we are from, this would be a normal observation to make upon seeing someone, like a change in appearance of hair, yet in America it is deemed incredibly offensive.

Is there anything I can tell her about conflicting cultures to help her understand she is hurting feelings? She is nearing her 80s. -- You've Got Weight, Chicago

DEAR YOU’VE GOT WEIGHT: Given your mother’s social nature, it is clear that she wants to connect and be welcomed by the people she meets in her new homeland. I am certain that she does not want to offend or insult anyone. This is a case of simple ignorance -- of not knowing the social mores of this country and how to navigate them. It is your job to teach her.

Point out to her that you believe she is hurting people’s feelings without realizing it. Give her concrete examples of how her comments about the way that people look likely seem critical and rude here, because Americans typically choose to say nice things or nothing at all when face to face with others. It may be tough at first to temper her commentary. Suggest that it is worth it as she wants to make friends. Give her a list of things to stop saying, including critically commenting on someone’s weight, appearance or personal relationships. She will get the knack of it in time.

DEAR HARRIETTE: All my life I have thought about buying a horse. In my head, it would be the symbol that I had “made it” financially. Now, I can afford a horse, but I find myself balking at the idea. My husband is proud that I have finally accomplished this level of stability.

I don't know if I can devote enough time to riding this horse to make sure it is exercised. I don't know if it would get lonely without someone coming by a few times a day. Is this benchmark incomplete if I don't follow through on this purchase? Now that I can do this, I don't think I'd be right for it. -- Pony Up, Upper Marlboro, Maryland

DEAR PONY UP: There is a huge difference between being able to afford to do something and making the decision to do it. You should be proud of yourself for reaching a level of financial security that allows you to be able to purchase a horse. It seems that it was an ambitious and inspiring goal for you for some time.

Now that you are at the crossroads of making the decision as to whether you will buy a horse, do more research. Find horse farms nearby that may board horses. Learn how much it would cost for your horse to be boarded there. Review all costs, including veterinary care. Learn about how often you can visit -- all of the terms. If you board your horse, you can still have it but pay others to make sure it is exercised. This could be the solution for you. Or you may want to ride horses that are already there and not own a horse yourself. Let the research guide your wallet.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)