DEAR HARRIETTE: I have started thinking about my co-worker, "Oliver," as more than a friend. We have had a very flirtatious relationship filled with banter, but have never followed through on it.

Oliver mentioned going to a bar after work in passing once, and I never followed up on this offer. Could I ask him out since I flubbed our first chance? My company has no specific policy prohibiting employees from dating. -- Work Crush, Dallas

DEAR WORK CRUSH: You can definitely invite him out after work. You can even tell him that you want to take him up on his invitation from some time ago. Ask him if he would still like to go out. Keep your date to yourselves, though. Even though your company has no stated policy about employees dating, it is wise to keep your personal business to yourselves. You have no idea what may come of this budding friendship.

If Oliver agrees to go out with you, take your time. Get to know each other, and if something comes of your friendship, you should decide together when to share the news with co-workers.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been receiving dinner invitations for much, much later than I would expect as someone nearly 30 years old. The people extending the invitations are nice. A couple of them are potential dates, but I just don’t want to do it.

How late is too late to be asked to dinner? I have been finding myself turning down invitations for 9 p.m. plans with no excuse other than “that’s simply too late.” I want to have a social life, but everything I have read about eating late at night says this is a bad idea. What can I do? -- Not Appropriate Time, Frederick, Maryland

DEAR NOT APPROPRIATE TIME: People eat dinner at all different times, even though, as you pointed out, it is healthier for people to eat before 7 so that they have fully digested their food before they go to sleep. Going out to dinner at 9 p.m. is very common, believe it or not. Because so many people work long hours, the dinner hour has extended this far. If you ever do go, you will see that restaurants are typically packed at 9.

If you do want to get together with the people who are extending these invitations, you can do one of several things. You could occasionally go to a late-evening dinner and be selective with your food choices. Eat light in an effort to stick to your style of eating. You can ask the person if it is possible to schedule the dinner earlier. You can say you have an early morning and don’t want to be out too late. Finally, you can come up with other activities that you can do with the people in question. Get creative with your outing ideas so that you get to see other people without compromising your eating habits.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: Two of my friends have been married to each other for over a decade. Their marital problems began when they had their first and only child.

I get calls from each one confiding in me, and I have been taken through the roller coaster of them nearing divorce and then switching their tune after a vacation. It sadly always loops back to divorce. I have run out of advice to give them. I want to believe in loving someone forever, but could they just be doomed? -- Roller Coaster Ride, Denver

DEAR ROLLER COASTER RIDE: Married couples go through all kinds of twists and turns in their lives together. Some couples experience many rocky periods, like your friends. While you cannot control what happens to them, you can control what you do.

It is not your responsibility be their sounding board. The emotional exhaustion that you constantly experience because they include you in their marital ups and downs must come to an end. This will require you to tell each of them that you cannot listen to their woes anymore. Make it clear that you love them both and want the best for them, but that you cannot continue being in the middle of their challenges anymore. After you tell them, you will have to reinforce your decision by changing the subject whenever they bring up their issues.

DEAR HARRIETTE: How do you ask somebody for a letter of recommendation? I need letters of recommendation from professors and employers for an internship. I feel awkward asking, because I have heard of people getting rejected. -- Recommend Me, Please, Boston

DEAR RECOMMEND ME, PLEASE: Letters of recommendation are extremely important and should be considered seriously. Before you make a request, think about the internship and what the requirements are. Then consider who knows you well -- as a student, as an employee, as a person. Ideally, you should ask people who know you well and who have concrete examples of your personality and how you interact in different situations. Select people who have a good reputation and with whom you have a good reputation. Be clear and specific when you ask for a recommendation. You can do this in writing, over the phone or in person. If the person you select has not interacted with you recently, be sure to have a reminder list of the things you did together and the dates. You want to make it as easy as possible for the recommender to be accurate in his or her description of you.

Give the person as much time as possible so that you are not imposing upon them too much. Generally, people do not agree to write recommendations if they are pressed for time or if they do not believe they can wholeheartedly offer a recommendation. If this happens to you, just ask someone else.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: Procrastination has essentially ruled my life. I love the adrenaline I get when I have a ticking deadline. Although I manage to get my projects submitted on time, I have come to realize it is not my best work. I’ve been procrastinating for half a century now. Is there any way to stop? I am never late on deadlines, but frequently I am disappointed in myself after submission because I know I could do better. -- Last Second, Jackson, Mississippi

DEAR LAST SECOND: Breaking bad habits is never easy, but it is possible. And procrastination is definitely a habit worth breaking!

For starters, you must decide for yourself that you deserve to achieve your fullest potential. You need to commit to an internal shift in order for you to stick to a new plan of action. To help yourself, begin by creating false deadlines that are a few days before the work is actually due. Complete the work, and then review it before you turn it in. That window of a few extra days can become extremely useful for fine-tuning and editing your work. This method allows you to still have the adrenaline rush because you have created a tight deadline for completion of your projects. Try this out for a month, and see if your work improves.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My cousin and I have been close for all my life. We are about the same age, and we go to the same college. We applied to all the same schools and even have the same major. It has been fun having her to share the college experience with.

This morning, I received a text message from my cousin asking me to write a research paper for her. She offered me compensation for this. I was stunned. I have never even thought about having someone else do my work. I warned her about plagiarism and that her academic integrity is being placed on the line. How can I get the point across that she should never try to get out of doing her own work? -- Not Your Words, Syracuse, New York

DEAR NOT YOUR WORDS: It is doubtful that you can change your cousin’s mind about her unethical behavior. What you can do is put your foot down and let her know where you stand. Have a sincere conversation with her. Talk about your life together and all the things that you have enjoyed together over the years. Remind her of how excited you both were when you got into the same college. Impress upon her how special you believe it is that the two of you are on this journey together. Then, tell her that you do not think it is honest or wise to blur the lines the way she has suggested. Tell her that you absolutely will not write a paper for her, and that you do not think this is a path she should travel. Urge her to dig in and do the work herself.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)