DEAR HARRIETTE: Two of my friends have been married to each other for over a decade. Their marital problems began when they had their first and only child.

I get calls from each one confiding in me, and I have been taken through the roller coaster of them nearing divorce and then switching their tune after a vacation. It sadly always loops back to divorce. I have run out of advice to give them. I want to believe in loving someone forever, but could they just be doomed? -- Roller Coaster Ride, Denver

DEAR ROLLER COASTER RIDE: Married couples go through all kinds of twists and turns in their lives together. Some couples experience many rocky periods, like your friends. While you cannot control what happens to them, you can control what you do.

It is not your responsibility be their sounding board. The emotional exhaustion that you constantly experience because they include you in their marital ups and downs must come to an end. This will require you to tell each of them that you cannot listen to their woes anymore. Make it clear that you love them both and want the best for them, but that you cannot continue being in the middle of their challenges anymore. After you tell them, you will have to reinforce your decision by changing the subject whenever they bring up their issues.

DEAR HARRIETTE: How do you ask somebody for a letter of recommendation? I need letters of recommendation from professors and employers for an internship. I feel awkward asking, because I have heard of people getting rejected. -- Recommend Me, Please, Boston

DEAR RECOMMEND ME, PLEASE: Letters of recommendation are extremely important and should be considered seriously. Before you make a request, think about the internship and what the requirements are. Then consider who knows you well -- as a student, as an employee, as a person. Ideally, you should ask people who know you well and who have concrete examples of your personality and how you interact in different situations. Select people who have a good reputation and with whom you have a good reputation. Be clear and specific when you ask for a recommendation. You can do this in writing, over the phone or in person. If the person you select has not interacted with you recently, be sure to have a reminder list of the things you did together and the dates. You want to make it as easy as possible for the recommender to be accurate in his or her description of you.

Give the person as much time as possible so that you are not imposing upon them too much. Generally, people do not agree to write recommendations if they are pressed for time or if they do not believe they can wholeheartedly offer a recommendation. If this happens to you, just ask someone else.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: Procrastination has essentially ruled my life. I love the adrenaline I get when I have a ticking deadline. Although I manage to get my projects submitted on time, I have come to realize it is not my best work. I’ve been procrastinating for half a century now. Is there any way to stop? I am never late on deadlines, but frequently I am disappointed in myself after submission because I know I could do better. -- Last Second, Jackson, Mississippi

DEAR LAST SECOND: Breaking bad habits is never easy, but it is possible. And procrastination is definitely a habit worth breaking!

For starters, you must decide for yourself that you deserve to achieve your fullest potential. You need to commit to an internal shift in order for you to stick to a new plan of action. To help yourself, begin by creating false deadlines that are a few days before the work is actually due. Complete the work, and then review it before you turn it in. That window of a few extra days can become extremely useful for fine-tuning and editing your work. This method allows you to still have the adrenaline rush because you have created a tight deadline for completion of your projects. Try this out for a month, and see if your work improves.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My cousin and I have been close for all my life. We are about the same age, and we go to the same college. We applied to all the same schools and even have the same major. It has been fun having her to share the college experience with.

This morning, I received a text message from my cousin asking me to write a research paper for her. She offered me compensation for this. I was stunned. I have never even thought about having someone else do my work. I warned her about plagiarism and that her academic integrity is being placed on the line. How can I get the point across that she should never try to get out of doing her own work? -- Not Your Words, Syracuse, New York

DEAR NOT YOUR WORDS: It is doubtful that you can change your cousin’s mind about her unethical behavior. What you can do is put your foot down and let her know where you stand. Have a sincere conversation with her. Talk about your life together and all the things that you have enjoyed together over the years. Remind her of how excited you both were when you got into the same college. Impress upon her how special you believe it is that the two of you are on this journey together. Then, tell her that you do not think it is honest or wise to blur the lines the way she has suggested. Tell her that you absolutely will not write a paper for her, and that you do not think this is a path she should travel. Urge her to dig in and do the work herself.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I just found out that my daughter has been using her emergency credit card, which I gave her when she went away to school, for frivolous purchases. I gave her this card with the confidence that she would use it in case she were ever stranded and needed it for safety.

I know she is using this to buy herself expensive sushi dinners, but I can’t bring myself to take it away. I would never forgive myself if something happened to her. How many more chances should I give her with this credit card? -- First Strike, Towson, Maryland

DEAR FIRST STRIKE: Your daughter needs to learn how to be responsible with the card. Rather than taking it away from her, let her know that she must pay the bill. This means she may need to get a part-time job while she’s at school. This is very common for college students. Suggest that she speak to the administration office to learn of work-study jobs that might be available. She may want to talk to a professor in her major to see if she can work a few hours a week with him or her. Don’t do the legwork for her.

Give your daughter a certain amount of time to repay you for the extraneous charges she made. Remind her that the card is exclusively for emergencies. Give her a list of what you consider emergencies to be, and have her agree out loud so that there’s no question about usage.

If she complies, let her keep the card. If she does not, take back the card and let her know that she will have to call you in case of emergency. She has to experience the consequences of her actions, or she will not learn.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My stepchildren have a very strong work ethic. They have both been working since their early teen years and are practically self-sufficient. My children, however, are older than my stepchildren and still struggle to keep entry-level positions (or even serving jobs). I wish I could take some of my stepchildren’s desire to succeed and give it to my children. Where did I go wrong? I tried to give my children the world. -- Need a Boost, Milwaukee

DEAR NEED A BOOST: You sound like a lot of parents these days who went above and beyond to ensure that their children had everything they needed to succeed. Interestingly, the desire to give has backfired for a lot of families. I believe this is because people need to work for what they achieve. Your intention did not yield the results you desired, because your children didn’t have to stretch as much as they needed to build that muscle of discipline that leads to success.

It is not too late. Talk to your children about their desires and dreams. Ask them to let you know what they want to do with their lives, and then encourage them to go for it. That may mean going back to school or choosing a different field for their work. Don’t use your stepchildren as an example. That will anger your children. Just encourage them to take their lives more seriously -- starting now.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)