DEAR HARRIETTE: A friend of mine said she wanted to receive books on her birthday. I am an avid reader, so I gifted her three of my favorite books. Later, she told me that these books were incredibly up my alley, but she didn’t particularly enjoy them. Is there any etiquette rule that you are supposed to gift books based on the recipient’s tastes instead of your favorites? I wanted us to bond over these books, yet I realize I maybe should have given her books that she would have liked. -- Bookworm, Detroit

DEAR BOOKWORM: The going wisdom for any gift that you offer to another person is that you think about that person’s interests and give a gift accordingly. While it could have been right if your favorites had matched your friend’s, it sounds like you didn’t consider that when you chose them for her. This is something that many people get wrong when they are buying gifts for loved ones. You must step outside of yourself and focus your attention on the other person. What does she or he like to do? Hobbies? Interests? Creative pursuits? Take the time to reflect on that person before you buy or make anything.

Another good idea is to get a gift receipt for any purchase. This way, if your recipient does not like the item, it can easily be returned or exchanged without engaging you.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Whenever my husband and I are entertaining, "Jill" and her husband "Jeff" come over. Jeff makes me very uncomfortable because he likes to reference me being in the kitchen as where I should be. If I leave the kitchen, he jokes that my sink will miss me. These jokes are sexist, and Jill does nothing to stop them. I have been friends with Jill for only a few months, so I don’t feel comfortable confronting her about her husband’s behavior. Should I just ask my husband to speak to him man-to-man? I don’t know how else to resolve Jeff’s blatant sexism. -- Kitchen Has the Knives, Jackson, Mississippi

DEAR KITCHEN HAS THE KNIVES: Given the history of this behavior, my top recommendation is to sever ties with them. Talk to your husband and agree that Jill and Jeff are no longer welcome in your home. Clearly, Jeff is consistently disrespectful and thinks nothing of it.

If, for some reason, you are not ready to take back your invitation, you should speak up -- with your husband’s support. The next time Jeff speaks out of turn, defend yourself. Tell him you do not appreciate his rude commentary. Ask him to stop. Be sure your husband is in the room when you respond so that you have a witness and a support. He likely will have to ask Jeff to stop, too.

Honestly, is their friendship worth this confrontation? If not, just stop inviting them over to your house.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I hate the feeling of wearing makeup. I find it clogs my pores and makes me look unnatural. I work in a traditional 9-to-5 office setting where a tidy appearance is strongly preferred, if not mandatory. Is there any way I could go au natural? Many makeups have harsh chemicals in them, which can damage your skin. -- Barefaced, Portland, Oregon

DEAR BAREFACED: It is entirely possible to go without a full face of makeup and still be polished in your look. Since makeup clogs your pores, skip foundation entirely. You can use rice blotting paper, available in drug stores as well as beauty supply stores nationwide. This soaks up the oil on your skin, leaving your face with a matte look, one aspect of what powder does. You can consider a light dusting of translucent powder -- with no color. This adds a very light layer of smoothing to your skin, which can make you feel more dressed up. If you choose to add anything else, consider lip gloss. It can have a slight stain of color, or be clear. A bit of shine on your lips also brightens your face.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I woke up to a text message from my stepfather to all of my siblings about going to Scotland with him. My job is strenuous and I do not have many vacation days, and I would rather use them in a different way. How can I reject his generous offer to pay for a vacation for me? I know how kind this offer is; I just know I would not enjoy myself in the slightest on his strict schedule of “family bonding.” -- No Go, Dallas

DEAR NO GO: Can I play devil’s advocate here for a moment? While you currently don’t like the idea of this vacation, I wonder if you would reconsider it. This may be the only time that your entire family will travel together again. It is not easy to coordinate such a large group. Consider creating guidelines for yourself that include time alone. You can discuss all of this with your stepfather so that he understands your apprehension.

More, when on the trip, you can be clear that a part of each day you need to spend by yourself. Even if some family members do not like that, you can graciously stand your ground.

That said, if you are intent on not going, thank your stepfather for his idea and for his generous offer. Tell him that you are so sorry, but you cannot join. Leave out that you do not want to attend. There’s no reason to hurt his feelings. Clearly, he is trying to connect with all of you. Just say it’s not possible for you to join the family, and you wish them the best trip possible.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I love country music and plan on attending a country music festival over the summer. When I invited my friends to this event, they ridiculed me for even wanting to attend. My beliefs do not align with the singer’s or most of the listeners'; however, I enjoy the music itself. Am I wrong to be going to a place where I won’t have much in common with the eventgoers? -- Country Loving, Philadelphia

DEAR COUNTRY LOVING: Do not let your friends or your political views keep you from your music. What’s very interesting about American culture, in particular, is that music has proven to be a conduit for opening people’s minds to other ideas. This has been true across party lines and belief systems.

You should go to the music festival with an open mind. Talk to people while you are there. Look for like-minded souls. I bet you will find a few! This may be your opportunity to expand your friend group without having to alter your worldview. You can be you and navigate your life in many different environments.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My co-worker "Ilana" uses our company email to inform us about her poetry events. I believe this is soliciting and find it incredibly annoying. I like Ilana, but I don’t care to use my limited personal time attending her events. Should I speak to human resources about this? I think she is stepping over a line as an employee by emailing dozens of workers about a non-work-related event. -- Not Coming, Brooklyn, New York

DEAR NOT COMING: I recommend that you simply ignore Ilana. You do not have to go to her events just because she has invited you. While it may seem annoying to you that she is soliciting you using office email, you do not want to be the one to squash your co-worker’s dreams.

If she ups the ante and badgers you and others about attendance, that’s a different matter. When that happens, speak to her first. Tell her your opinion -- that she is crossing the line of appropriateness at work to keep pressuring staff to support her extracurricular activities. Ask her to stop. Being direct is the mature approach. Should she ignore you and continue to solicit you for these events, go to human resources. When you bring grievances to HR, be sure to be specific and unemotional. It will not help you to act frustrated or irritated. Instead, have records to show the many email solicitations that have been sent via company email. Add the dates (to the best of your recollection) when Ilana has approached you and others during the workday to try to get you to attend her events. Explain that this makes you feel uncomfortable, and you need HR’s support to get her to stop.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)