DEAR HARRIETTE: I heard somebody who I thought was my friend use a slur about immigrants specific to my country of origin. He didn’t know I was listening, but I am shocked to learn he speaks this way about any immigrants, and specifically those from my home country, behind my back.

I haven’t spoken to my friend since. When he calls me, I let it go to voicemail. I have claimed that I'm too busy to hang out with him, but I’m afraid this excuse won't work much longer. Do I owe this person an explanation as to why I refuse to speak to him anymore? In my mind this isn’t a loss of a good friend, but I know he will be confused when he realizes I have iced him out. -- Cut Off, Savannah, Georgia

DEAR CUT OFF: The only way for us to turn the tide of xenophobia is to confront it. Walking away from your friend without letting him know why creates confusion without resolution. It is critical for you to contact your friend, sit with him face-to-face and let him know what you heard and how you feel about it. Tell him how hurt you are that he would speak in such a derogatory way about any immigrant group and that it was especially hurtful knowing that he was talking about your heritage.

Ask him to explain himself. Why would he speak like that? Does he realize how inappropriate his comments were? Ask him how he would feel if he heard you talking negatively about him or his people.

Yes, this conversation will be hard, but you need to remember that you have integrity on your side. Stand up for yourself, for your immigrant community, for humanity. Let your friend know that his words cut you to the core. You know now that he is not your friend. Make it clear to him why.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a mother of two children and nearing 50. I feel good about myself at this stage in my life. While practicing yoga, I usually wear spandex shorts. I now am becoming self-conscious about my workout apparel, considering I don’t look like the 20-year-olds also wearing spandex. When is too old to wear spandex? I am not out of shape, just am more mature than most studio attendees. -- Yoga Pants, Cambridge, Mississippi

DEAR YOGA PANTS: Your age is less the issue here than your fitness. Many women in your age group today are fit and look fine in form-fitted clothing. When you look in the mirror, front and back, and see a healthy, fit body that is dressed for the occasion, you can breathe easy. You do not need to look like your younger classmates. And you should not feel like you are in competition with them.

Because you are feeling self-conscious, you may want to make a couple of adjustments. One way to keep the sleek look that spandex gives you is to wear tight bottoms with a looser top or a top that covers your hips. Being a bit more modest is a way for you to feel more age-appropriate while you continue your very important workouts.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I live near a farm and find the state that those animals are in despicable. This is a petting zoo that gives tours to families, and the animals are kept in cramped cages and can barely move. I think this is animal abuse and believe this farm should be shut down. Should I call the police to report this neighborhood farm? I don't think children should be taught about nature like this. -- Animal Abuse, Norfolk, Virginia

DEAR ANIMAL ABUSE: By all means, you should report this petting zoo to the local authorities. You can let the police know. In addition, reach out to your local animal control agency, the local SPCA and the Humane Society. Gather as much information as you can so that you can provide a clear picture of what the neglect is. If possible, take pictures of the animals in their cages. Secure names of the management and any staff you see on site. The more proof you can gather of the abuse, the better equipped the law enforcement will be. When you file your complaint, be sure to get contact information for whoever helps you so that you can follow up.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My manager at work has just requested to add me on social media accounts. My accounts are private, and I use these for communication with friends. My manager has asked me why I haven't accepted her, and I lied and said I hadn't seen the requests. Should I bite the bullet and allow her to follow me? I don't enjoy curbing myself on social media. -- New Eyes, Syracuse, New York

DEAR NEW EYES: Check your employee manual to see if there are written guidelines for opening up your social media to your boss. Some businesses require staff to allow them to see their various social media outlets.

If there is nothing requiring you to share with your manager, you may want to kindly say that you don't like to mix business with your personal life, so you would rather not connect with her on social media.

Just know that whatever you put out there, whether the account is private or not, is public information. You should not write, photograph or post anything that would be in conflict with the values of your business. Believe it or not, such an act could easily cost you your job. For example, teachers have been fired for sharing vacation photos where they held alcoholic beverages in their hands. Magazine editors have been fired for posting racially charged content that disparaged their audience. Job applicants have been passed over because of rants on social media. In today's world, nothing is truly private. This doesn't mean that you have to be friends with your boss online. It does mean that you should expect that she will see what you post, even if you do not show it to her.

(Harriette Cole is a life stylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am caught in a love triangle. I'm 22 and feel completely unsure of what to do. "Luke" is a sweet guy, and we've been friends for years, while "Chris" is a jock who has just started showing me attention. I feel horrible for juggling two guys, but only because it would hurt Luke if he found out. I know I will eventually have to choose one, but am completely torn on where to focus my energy. Should I pick the reliable choice or the daring bad boy? -- Too Much Love, Cincinnati

DEAR TOO MUCH LOVE: The person bound to be hurt the most in this situation is you. That is because you are unclear about what you want and what is important to you. It is time for you to take stock of that. What are you looking for right now? Do you want to date around, or do you want to find a committed relationship? Are you interested in Luke as a love partner or more as a platonic friend?

Start with Luke. Be ready to claim what you want to have with him. If you feel that, for now, anyway, it really is purely friendship, drum up the courage to tell him that you value his friendship the most. Be honest and say that you want to explore dating a bit and are not ready to commit. If he asks you if you have met someone else, tell him the truth. Yes, this will be hard, but if he is your longtime friend, he deserves your honesty. As far as Chris is concerned, you should also seriously think about whether dating him is worth potentially losing Luke as a friend. Sort it all out before you do anything.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have recently made the switch to wearing only cruelty-free makeup. Very few brands do not test on animals or use animal products in their makeup, so I have been going through trial and error. I met up with my sister at a bar recently, and she immediately began judging my makeup. I felt so embarrassed, and she now texts me to make sure I'm looking my best. Is my appearance more valuable than the lives of animals that have to be tested on? I don't want to waver in my beliefs, but I apparently need more coverage. -- Skin Deep, Raleigh, North Carolina

DEAR SKIN DEEP: While there is not a lot of cruelty-free makeup, it does exist. You may need to get the support of a makeup artist to show you how to use the new makeup. There's a great chance that someone representing one of these companies is at the ready to support you for free.

More, though, I want to suggest that you go natural, like Alicia Keys, and then slowly figure out what works for you. You might be surprised to learn that many women wear minimal makeup. It may include just a dusting of powder to even out your skin tone, eyeliner, mascara and lip gloss or lipstick.

(Harriette Cole is a life stylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)