DEAR HARRIETTE: My wife has recently purchased a car for herself. I had no idea she even had the funds to do something like this. She gave her old car to our daughter to take to college and refuses to answer any of my questions about her personal finances.

I have a separate account from our joint account, but I would tell her anything she wanted to know about my finances. Doesn't my wife owe it to me to disclose her financial statements? I could never imagine hiding thousands of dollars from her. -- No Secrets, Baltimore

DEAR NO SECRETS: Your wife is likely following old-school wisdom that tells women they should always have a private stash of money. Years ago, this was particularly popular for women who did not work or who earned a much smaller income than their husbands, just to ensure that they would have a cushion in case their husbands did not share resources.

Is this the best practice? No. In a healthy marriage, it is much better for both partners to be open and honest about everything, especially finances. Rather than pressing her at this moment, take a step back and ask yourself why she may be doing this. Did you two talk about buying a car for your daughter, and you were against it? Has anything occurred between you and your wife that would make her feel that she needed to have a personal stash and spend it now?

When you do broach the subject again, take the approach of wanting to learn. Ask her if you have done anything that encouraged her to feel she had to hide money from you. Make it clear to her that you want to understand where the two of you are. You want to be in alignment, but right now you aren't.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently hosted a dinner at my home and didn't ask the guests to bring anything. Much to my surprise, a friend of a friend showed up to my home, gifting me a box of wine. I have never had wine from a box and do not intend on starting now. Could I give this wine back to her? She told me it comes from a company that is trying to be sustainable, but I cannot imagine myself ever drinking wine from a cardboard box. -- Bottles Only, Westchester, New York

DEAR BOTTLES ONLY: I feel like I have to remind people to breathe a lot these days. Please take a deep breath and step back for a moment. Your guest surely did not mean to offend you with her gift. Believe it or not, many people are choosing wine in a box as an eco-friendly delivery of the libation. And some wine lovers are actually enjoying this new option.

This may never be your choice, but there's no need to insult your guest by giving it back. Feel free to give it away. You can also toss it if you just want it out of your house.

(Harriette Cole is a life stylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am extremely lactose intolerant, and my workplace thankfully recognizes this. On Pizza Fridays, there is always a cheeseless pie ordered for me. Recently, I have been coming to lunch realizing that my pie is gone.

My co-workers have gushed over how all of the vegetables without cheese taste great. I am happy for them, but they are indulging in the only food that I can eat -- whereas they can sample any pie they want. Is there any way to ask my co-workers to stop eating restricted food? -- Lunchless, Los Angeles

DEAR LUNCHLESS: You started a trend! Rather than pressuring your co-workers into keeping their paws off of your pizza, ask the lunch organizer to add a second cheese-free pie to the order. Point out that the group has taken a fancy to your yummy veggies to the extent that they have eaten it all before you got even a slice. Obviously, this means that the cheeseless pizza is a big hit. Urge your employer to replace one of the cheesy pizzas with another one like yours!

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a landlord in a suburb. As a thank-you for extending the rent due date, one of my tenants gave me a gift of homemade sausage. I was so stunned that I accepted it without asking any questions. It now just sits in my freezer, untouched. Am I allowed to prod my tenant about the contents of this present? I normally wouldn't look a gift horse in the mouth; however, I think this situation would allow me to bend the etiquette rules. -- Lonely Links, Near Pittsburgh

DEAR LONELY LINKS: One way to ask about the sausage without seeming rude is to express your true curiosity. Strike up a conversation with your tenant and ask about the whole process. Making sausage at home is not something that is commonly done these days. Ask about the process and the selection of ingredients. Certainly you can ask what type of sausage you were given. This shouldn't be so unusual a question, given that today there are so many variations on sausages in the regular grocery store that who knows what a creative cook might make?

Your attitude going into this conversation is what will make all the difference as it relates to the way your tenant reacts. Be open and interested rather than skeptical and worried. This is an opportunity for the two of you to get to know each other better -- bonding around food.

Know that you will be asked if you have consumed the sausage yet. Be honest and say that you haven't. Admit that you wanted to learn about the sausage before cooking it because you wanted to savor the sausage with the full story of how it was made in mind. If, after you learn about the way it was made, you decide you don't want to eat it, do not say that to your tenant. This is where a little white lie might be better. Or perhaps you can share it with a friend who would enjoy it. Then you can say you did that, and it was a big hit!

(Harriette Cole is a life stylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My neighbor has been having sprinkler consultations for the past few weeks because he doesn't want even a drop of his water to land on my lawn. I have my own system that works just fine and has been great for years. It's not fancy, but it keeps my lawn healthy.

I honestly think that this guy is crazy, but my wife is encouraging me to have a conversation to see why he is truly doing this. I don't think this is some sort of hidden issue with boundaries -- some neighbors are simply unbearable. Do I give in to the urging of my wife or take this man for who he is? -- Grass Is Greener, Pikesville, Maryland

DEAR GRASS IS GREENER: Start by taking a deep breath. Stop assuming what your neighbor's motive is, especially since you tend to assume the negative. You cannot know what your neighbor's intention is without asking. But please do not ask with anger or hostility in your tone. Before asking, consider the range of reasons he may be doing this. One could be that he should not be watering your lawn without your permission. In truth, he really should be able to control where his sprinklers direct their spray.

Go with curiosity. Ask your neighbor why he has been interviewing so many sprinkler businesses. What is he looking for? Be curious about his research. If you firmly believe he is trying to keep water off your lawn, ask him if that is the case. Let him know that it would not offend you if some of his water touched your grass even as you point out what system you already have in place.

Know that he may not tell you what he has in mind for his lawn, and that's his prerogative. Ultimately, you may have to ignore his research efforts. As long as he does nothing to harm your lawn or your property, you may have to shrug this off as him just being an obsessive neighbor.

DEAR HARRIETTE: For my boyfriend's birthday, I got him tickets to a sports game. After his birthday and before the big game, I found out that he was cheating on me and ended it with him. I spend hundreds on the tickets and want them back. How can I ask him to return them? I would love to be civil with him but also want to make sure he does not make use of those tickets. -- Game Over, Syracuse, New York

DEAR GAME OVER: Cheaters are not honest people. What are the chances that your cheating ex will do the right thing? Probably slim. But it's worth a try.

Call him and ask for the tickets or the money for the tickets. Be direct. You bought that generous and thoughtful gift for him when you thought he was committed to you. You are devastated that he would cheat on you. While you are dealing with his deceit, you do not want to reward him for bad behavior. Ask for the tickets or a check.

(Harriette Cole is a life stylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)