DEAR HARRIETTE: My neighbor has been having sprinkler consultations for the past few weeks because he doesn't want even a drop of his water to land on my lawn. I have my own system that works just fine and has been great for years. It's not fancy, but it keeps my lawn healthy.

I honestly think that this guy is crazy, but my wife is encouraging me to have a conversation to see why he is truly doing this. I don't think this is some sort of hidden issue with boundaries -- some neighbors are simply unbearable. Do I give in to the urging of my wife or take this man for who he is? -- Grass Is Greener, Pikesville, Maryland

DEAR GRASS IS GREENER: Start by taking a deep breath. Stop assuming what your neighbor's motive is, especially since you tend to assume the negative. You cannot know what your neighbor's intention is without asking. But please do not ask with anger or hostility in your tone. Before asking, consider the range of reasons he may be doing this. One could be that he should not be watering your lawn without your permission. In truth, he really should be able to control where his sprinklers direct their spray.

Go with curiosity. Ask your neighbor why he has been interviewing so many sprinkler businesses. What is he looking for? Be curious about his research. If you firmly believe he is trying to keep water off your lawn, ask him if that is the case. Let him know that it would not offend you if some of his water touched your grass even as you point out what system you already have in place.

Know that he may not tell you what he has in mind for his lawn, and that's his prerogative. Ultimately, you may have to ignore his research efforts. As long as he does nothing to harm your lawn or your property, you may have to shrug this off as him just being an obsessive neighbor.

DEAR HARRIETTE: For my boyfriend's birthday, I got him tickets to a sports game. After his birthday and before the big game, I found out that he was cheating on me and ended it with him. I spend hundreds on the tickets and want them back. How can I ask him to return them? I would love to be civil with him but also want to make sure he does not make use of those tickets. -- Game Over, Syracuse, New York

DEAR GAME OVER: Cheaters are not honest people. What are the chances that your cheating ex will do the right thing? Probably slim. But it's worth a try.

Call him and ask for the tickets or the money for the tickets. Be direct. You bought that generous and thoughtful gift for him when you thought he was committed to you. You are devastated that he would cheat on you. While you are dealing with his deceit, you do not want to reward him for bad behavior. Ask for the tickets or a check.

(Harriette Cole is a life stylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My best friend is convinced that bleaching her hair after a bad breakup is the only way to get over her ex. Clearly, this isn't true and will completely ruin her hair for years to come. I don't think the damage is worth it and have never even dyed my hair, yet I've gotten over breakups just fine.

I already told her this would be like drinking poison and expecting someone else to die, but she is not having it. Have I done enough as a friend to stop her? I don't want to be the soundboard to her complaints after she goes through with this. -- Bleach Blonde, Las Vegas

DEAR BLEACH BLONDE: People find all kinds of unusual ways to say goodbye to bad relationships. While bleaching absolutely does damage your hair, for most people, the hair will grow back, and you can cut the dry, bleach-burned hair off. In other words, your best friend's way of exorcising her grief may not be the worst choice she could have made.

As far as you having to listen to her lament the state of her hair sometime down the line, it will be up to you what you do when she starts the complaints. You can foreshadow your intended reaction by telling her now that when her hair starts falling out, she shouldn't come to you for sympathy. But in the moment, you will have to speak up and tell her you are unwilling to hear to her sob story because you really did predict that it would happen. Good luck with that!

DEAR HARRIETTE: My children coerced me into buying them pet turtles. Lo and behold, I am the only one taking care of them. My kids don't even pay attention to them! I called the pet store and they said that they cannot accept the animals back years after purchase. I have been plotting to release the turtles into a local pond. I am not sure if they will survive, but I cannot spend any more time and money on these creatures. What should I tell my children if they ask where the turtles went? I don't want them to think that I am heartless. -- Swim Away, Fort Lee, New Jersey

DEAR SWIM AWAY: I know your pain! I willingly bought my daughter two turtles 10 years ago, mistakenly thinking they were easy to care for and that they would be a short-lived pet experience. I had not done my homework; turtles can live as long as 100 years! And they grow to be huge.

What we did at the end of last year was to give our turtle to our local pet store. We had built a great relationship with them, and they took our turtle and sold it to another customer. We had also looked into re-homing our turtle, which some exotic pet hospitals can help you do, but that can be expensive.

Do know that it is illegal to put the turtles into your local pond. Captive turtles are not accustomed to a natural ecosystem and often overeat when they are freed. This in turn can upset the ecosystem for the other aquatic animals.

(Harriette Cole is a life stylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My boyfriend and I have been together for about five years. We began dating in college and are still happily together. I have been getting hints and clues that he is planning on proposing to me soon. I love him but don't want to be engaged in my early twenties. Should I say something to Jason before he pops the question or wait to see if he actually does? I see us getting married, just not now. -- Youth, Milwaukee

DEAR YOUTH: If you absolutely do not want to get engaged now, spare your boyfriend the embarrassment and expense of proposing to you by speaking to him about your feelings right away. Express your love for him and your future desire to marry, but also your lack of interest in making that full commitment today.

Beware that by doing this, though, you may be shutting the door on him being your husband. If he doesn't want to wait or wants to be certain that you will not get involved with anyone else along the way, he may reject your rejection. If that occurs, be prepared to talk it out.

It's tricky for young couples who fall in love and believe they are meant for each other but who also want to build their careers. The risks are obvious. If you do not commit, that relationship may end. If you do commit, you may be able to balance career-building with family development -- or not. You have to decide what is more important to you.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Two months ago, I got in trouble for shoplifting $2 worth of photos from a discount store. I got arrested and was incredibly mortified -- only three people knew about this entire ordeal because they were there when it happened. I swore them to secrecy only to hear that "Jordyn" has been telling her friends all about my legal troubles!

I cannot believe she blabbed about my arrest. She isn't the brightest and doesn't understand why I am so upset that something so personal about me is now common knowledge. How can I get it through to her? -- Hush Up, Washington, D.C.

DEAR HUSH UP: You are misdirecting your anger and shame. That even a single person witnessed your arrest means it was probable that someone else would find out. That is human nature.

Instead of expending energy being mad at Jordyn, turn your attention to yourself. If you are going to have to go to court, get ready. Hire an attorney who can help you prepare. Even though you must tell the truth, your lawyer will help you figure out the best way to reveal the truth in order to protect your interests. If you do not have to go to trial and are lucky enough to receive only a reprimand, be grateful and resolve never to do such a dumb thing again.

Also be careful about calling other people names. In this instance, you yourself weren't the brightest, or you wouldn't have shoplifted in the first place.

(Harriette Cole is a life stylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)