DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a Spanish speaker and find it infuriating when my co-worker "Connie" pretends to speak Spanish by affecting a horrible accent and adding an "o" to words. I don't think she understands all of the implications that come from her actions. Should I tell Connie that the office is branding her as a racist and not a comedian? -- Learn It or Lose It, Bangor, Maine

DEAR LEARN IT OR LOSE IT: Rather than making a comment to Connie about the office branding her as racist, be specific about how you feel. Educate her. There is a good chance that Connie's actions are pure ignorance, potentially without malice. This does not make her behavior any less offensive, by the way, but it may allow you to have more compassion for her.

Tell Connie that when she attempts to speak Spanish extremely poorly that you find it offensive, not funny. Point out that what she is doing seems racist to you whether that is her intention or not. Let her know that you suspect that you are not the only person who looks down on what seems like mockery of Spanish speakers. Suggest that she stop.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I found out some information about what a "friend" was saying about me behind my back. I chose to ignore this but distance myself from her. "Blaise" has just noticed that I haven't spoken to her much in the past months and has been bombarding me, expressing her love for me and trying to get together. I never confronted her when I first found out that she'd been a bad friend, and now don't know how to react to her. Beating a dead horse is pointless, but she also might deserve an explanation of why I essentially cut her out of my life. Which option should I choose? -- Too Long Ago, Jackson, Mississippi

DEAR TOO LONG AGO: Walking away from a deceitful friendship can sometimes work. When you know with certainty that someone has spoken badly about you, it is OK to step back rather than confront the person. But when that person reaches out, bewildered, trying to reconnect, it can absolutely be worth it for you to respond. She deserves to know why you disconnected from her.

What's more, if you let her know that you are aware of her behavior -- specifically telling her what you learned that she said about you -- you will be able to clear the air. This doesn't mean that she will admit to having made the comments. Often people lie. Ultimately, you will have to decide whether you will let this woman back into your life.

I do recommend that you forgive her. This is because holding on to this grudge will hurt you far more than it will hurt her. Be willing to hear her out, draw your own conclusions about how much you can trust her now that time has passed, forgive her and continue to live your life. Do not let her sidetrack you.

(Harriette Cole is a life stylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am planning a wedding that will be taking place in the fall. I have gone back and forth with my husband-to-be about the prospect of an open bar. I have a few alcoholics in my family, and I feel as though this would enable them to make fools of themselves. My fiance believes that a small group should not be allowed to ruin everybody else's time. How can I balance having an open bar with keeping my addicted relatives at bay? -- Water for You, Seattle

DEAR WATER FOR YOU: Even if you had an alcohol-free bar, there would be a chance that your alcoholic family members could get drunk, because they might bring their own stash. You cannot control how much they drink. You can ask them in advance to do you a huge favor and try not to get drunk at the party. Yes, I said it. Be proactive and call them on their behavior. Your voice may ring in their ears during the night and curb someone's behavior.

More practically, you should set up safeguards for anyone who tends to drink too much. Start by informing bartenders to stop serving anyone who is drunk. This is the law, though often not enforced. Reserve a private room at your reception site where drunk guests can be taken to protect them and your other guests. Arrange for a taxi or car service to be on hand to drive any intoxicated guests home.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband is an immigrant from Europe. Following the election, he began thinking about opening a second business location back in Denmark. I don't hate the idea, but I'm scared that he feels the need to have a security net like this. He told me that I essentially have final say over the decision because I will have to take care of the kids when he is gone. Should I give him the green light? I have thought about this endlessly for weeks now. -- Tipping Point, Rochester, New York

DEAR TIPPING POINT: Talk to your husband in detail about his ideas, including how much support he has in Denmark in order to build a business there. On one hand, his idea could be great for your family. But know that startups take a tremendous amount of time, and typically the owner has to be in the trenches indefinitely. If you and your husband want him to return to the family at some point and live together in the U.S., he will also have to identify individuals he can trust implicitly to help grow and run the business.

Realistically, you should both know that this is rare. Most successful entrepreneurs are 100 percent committed to their businesses for the long haul. Knowing this, you and your husband need to talk seriously about what you want your future to look like. You must be frank about where you are willing to live in five to 10 years. If Denmark is not a serious contender and you want to stay married, you may want to pass on your husband going abroad to start that business.

(Harriette Cole is a life stylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently lost my glasses and foolishly don't have backups. My prescription isn't sold in stores, so I have to wait to have an eye exam and then for the glasses to be delivered. In the meantime, I am unable to read presentations to my students or even drive myself to campus. My wife kindly drives me, but I feel completely helpless when teaching. I can barely read my slideshows, let alone students' papers. Should I just cancel my classes until my glasses come? I'm useless without them. -- Lame Duck, Cincinnati

DEAR LAME DUCK: As one who wears glasses, I totally understand how debilitating it can be to go without them. There is good news! Many opticians have on-site optometrists who have the ability and equipment to give you an eye exam as well as produce prescription eyeglasses on the same day or within a few days. This is true for national establishments like LensCrafters and Cohen Optical as well as many smaller, locally owned stores. You do not have to go long without glasses.

What you may want to do for backup at an affordable price is to order additional glasses through one of the online sites. You send in your prescription and select frames online. They come in a few days and are often hundreds of dollars more affordable than those in stores. I have used Zenni.com with great success. There are many other options.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been banking on a scholarship to allow me to take classes that I need for my degree. I casually mentioned that I was applying for a little-known scholarship to my friend, and now I am receiving messages from her about which scholarship this is. I don't want to lessen my chances of getting this money. How can I convey to her that I need to remain competitive? I probably need this money more than she does. -- On My Toes, Denver

DEAR ON MY TOES: Rather than pointing your friend to the specific scholarship that you are seeking, tell her about your process. Let her know that you have been researching scholarship opportunities for a long time, attempting to figure out the right fit for you so that you will be able to continue your education. Suggest to her that she continue to do her own search to match her interests, skills and needs.

If she continues to press you about your scholarship of choice, just don't answer. You do not have to share this information if you do not want to. Learn the lesson, though, that it is better not to talk about what you are attempting to make happen before it happens. You leave yourself vulnerable to other people's thoughts or, in this case, possible usurpation of your dream. Do yourself a favor and claim the victory when it happens -- not before.

(Harriette Cole is a life stylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)