life

Teacher Feels Useless Without Glasses

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | February 27th, 2017 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently lost my glasses and foolishly don't have backups. My prescription isn't sold in stores, so I have to wait to have an eye exam and then for the glasses to be delivered. In the meantime, I am unable to read presentations to my students or even drive myself to campus. My wife kindly drives me, but I feel completely helpless when teaching. I can barely read my slideshows, let alone students' papers. Should I just cancel my classes until my glasses come? I'm useless without them. -- Lame Duck, Cincinnati

DEAR LAME DUCK: As one who wears glasses, I totally understand how debilitating it can be to go without them. There is good news! Many opticians have on-site optometrists who have the ability and equipment to give you an eye exam as well as produce prescription eyeglasses on the same day or within a few days. This is true for national establishments like LensCrafters and Cohen Optical as well as many smaller, locally owned stores. You do not have to go long without glasses.

What you may want to do for backup at an affordable price is to order additional glasses through one of the online sites. You send in your prescription and select frames online. They come in a few days and are often hundreds of dollars more affordable than those in stores. I have used Zenni.com with great success. There are many other options.

life

Sense & Sensitivity for February 27, 2017

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | February 27th, 2017 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been banking on a scholarship to allow me to take classes that I need for my degree. I casually mentioned that I was applying for a little-known scholarship to my friend, and now I am receiving messages from her about which scholarship this is. I don't want to lessen my chances of getting this money. How can I convey to her that I need to remain competitive? I probably need this money more than she does. -- On My Toes, Denver

DEAR ON MY TOES: Rather than pointing your friend to the specific scholarship that you are seeking, tell her about your process. Let her know that you have been researching scholarship opportunities for a long time, attempting to figure out the right fit for you so that you will be able to continue your education. Suggest to her that she continue to do her own search to match her interests, skills and needs.

If she continues to press you about your scholarship of choice, just don't answer. You do not have to share this information if you do not want to. Learn the lesson, though, that it is better not to talk about what you are attempting to make happen before it happens. You leave yourself vulnerable to other people's thoughts or, in this case, possible usurpation of your dream. Do yourself a favor and claim the victory when it happens -- not before.

(Harriette Cole is a life stylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

life

Scorned Reader Shouldn't Sabotage Former Date

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | February 25th, 2017 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I went on a few dates with someone, but he never responded to my messages. You can imagine my shock when I saw him interviewing for a position at my company. I was asked my opinion on him, and I gave him a negative review because of how he treated me. Upon reflection, I possibly sabotaged him because of a situation outside of work. Should I change my tune on him, considering he is truly qualified for the job? I wouldn’t want karma to come back around and bite me like it could him. -- Mincing Words, Boston

DEAR MINCING WORDS: Think back on what you said in your negative review of this man. Were your words honest and accurate or conflated because of your hurt feelings? If you honestly believe that you were unfair to him based on his reaction to you, it would be wise to amend your comments. But tread lightly. You should not tell HR that you were so strong in your thoughts because he hurt your feelings. You can say that upon second thought, you have additional comments to add about this man.

If he does get hired, the day may come when you two get to talk. At that point, you may be able to tell him that his dismissive behavior toward you on a personal level definitely left you with a bad taste in your mouth about how he might behave professionally.

life

Sense & Sensitivity for February 25, 2017

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | February 25th, 2017 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been taking appetite suppressants that I purchased online for a bargain. They make me feel sluggish and fog my brain, but I have lost a significant amount of weight. I love being skinny from these appetite suppressants, but I hate how they make me feel.

I feel like I have an angel and a devil on each shoulder -- one telling me to gain the weight and peace of mind back, while the other tells me to keep ordering the pills to maintain my figure. Who should I listen to? I love hearing compliments from my husband about how good I look. -- Skinny Minnie, Salt Lake City

DEAR SKINNY MINNIE: Next stop: your doctor’s office for a complete physical. Be completely forthcoming in speaking to your doctor. Bring the appetite suppressants that you are taking with you so your doctor can see exactly what you have been taking. Be frank in your discussion so that your doctor can figure out how best to help you. I’m sure your doctor will not recommend continuing to take anything that makes you feel sluggish. What may happen is that you get a prescription for something that can help you to stay the course without the negative side effects.

Please do not skip this important step. The medical tests that you will be given will evaluate the overall health of your body. It is very important to know if your organs are healthy. Sometimes taking these suppressants can wreak havoc on your body.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

life

Reader Questions Fashion Decisions at Work

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | February 24th, 2017 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I try to stay up-to-date on the newest fashion and beauty trends. I have tried extending my look into the workplace, a local coffee shop, and have gotten compliments from customers. My boss, who is old enough to be my father, constantly gives me an eye roll whenever I come in with a new piercing or hair color. I wear my uniform and maintain a well-kempt appearance. Should I tone down my style just because my boss doesn’t like how I present myself? I cannot lose this job. -- Beauty vs. Bills, Syracuse, New York

DEAR BEAUTY VS. BILLS: This is tricky, in that legally you should be able to present yourself any way you want, within reason, at a job. More subtly, though, it is important for you to have a sense of what is expected at your job and for you to find a way to express your own creativity within a comfort zone for your boss, too.

Why not speak to your boss directly? Tell him that you enjoy having fun with fashion and beauty trends, but you have noticed that he sometimes seems to disapprove. Remind him that you do not break the rules. You always wear your uniform and stay neat and clean. Ask him if he has objections, what they are and how you can agree on a compromise that allows you some freedom and gives him some comfort. Talking to him may break the ice. You never know what your image provokes in him. If he has children your age who are experimenting with piercings, tattoos, colored hair, etc., you may be reminding him of what is happening in his life. Who knows? Talk to him.

life

Sense & Sensitivity for February 24, 2017

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | February 24th, 2017 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a long first name and am almost always referred to by my nickname, “Dani.” When I introduce myself for interviews or more formal occasions, I want to introduce myself as “Danielle,” but I fear I will be seen as stuck up. As I get older, is it OK to abandon the shortening of my name? I would prefer to be called by my whole name, but I don’t want to negatively answer “Can I call you Dani?” -- Full Name Only, Stamford, Connecticut

DEAR FULL NAME ONLY: Let’s start with your name: Danielle is not long. It sounds like you are part of a community that likes to shorten names. Living in a nickname culture can make it tough to reinforce a more formal name.

Here’s the thing -- your name belongs to you. You have every right to be called whatever you prefer. If you are asked if people can shorten your name, say no. State that you prefer being called Danielle. This may take time, but certainly in job interviews and other formal events, feel free to claim your full name. What happens for many people is that over time as they mature, their new set of associates and friends begins to call them by the name they put forth. Often, family and childhood friends will cling to your nickname for life. You may have to endure that. Later in life you may even consider it nostalgic.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

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