DEAR HARRIETTE: I have decided to learn how to cook my favorite foods instead of wasting money on buying them already prepared. I make sushi for myself and was so proud that I had accomplished this on my first try. My good friend told me that this was offensive and not the authentic method of making sushi. I used riced cauliflower and had my whole confidence shattered. Am I offending an entire culture by altering an age-old recipe? -- Rollin’, Washington, D.C.

DEAR ROLLIN’: It is time to expand your friend group! Good for you that you are trying out recipes and adding your own twist to them. Please know that you can cook food however you like. If you were entering a cooking contest, that would be one thing, but learning to cook for yourself and friends should be fun. For the purists in your life, let them eat store- or restaurant-bought sushi.

Continue experimenting to see what you can prepare. Do note that there are plenty of chefs who combine elements of one cooking style with another to create their own unique dishes. It is called "fusion" cuisine. You are not alone. The thing about sushi is that you need to be precise with raw fish to ensure that you make something that is safe to eat. Go for it!

DEAR HARRIETTE: My boyfriend has gotten increasingly quirky in the bedroom. It is so embarrassing to me, considering I am much more conservative on these matters. For example, biting has occurred, and I don't like this. How should I communicate that I don't like this progression in our relationship? -- Bruised, Raleigh, North Carolina

DEAR BRUISED: You would think that it should be easy to talk about what goes on in the bedroom, considering how many couples are getting busy under the sheets. But the reality is that many couples rarely say a word about their desires or preferences and instead fumble around trying to figure out what works for them. This gets tricky when one partner wants to do something the other is not interested in.

You must speak up. As awkward as it may seem, you have to tell your boyfriend -- when you are not in the bedroom -- what you like that he does to you and with you, and where you want to draw the line. If you really don’t like biting or anything else that he does, you have to speak up, or he won’t know. People are not mind readers. This is true even if your behavior would suggest, in your mind, that it’s obvious that you don’t like something that he is doing. Speak up and tell him what you are willing to try and what you don’t want to do anymore. Be crystal clear. If he balks, be honest and let him know how this behavior makes you feel. Being subtle about your feelings won’t work here. State it bluntly so that he knows your position.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: As an early Valentine's Day present, my ex-boyfriend left a 6-foot-tall teddy bear at my front door. An oversized card was attached along with the bear. There is no possibility of a reunion between us, and I am stuck with this gigantic stuffed animal. Should I offer it back to him? I was thinking about donating it to a children’s hospital, but this bear must have cost hundreds of dollars. -- Can't Bear It, Milwaukee

DEAR CAN’T BEAR IT: If you feel like having a conversation with your ex, you can offer him back the bear. Thank him for it, but say that you cannot keep it. Know that you will be putting yourself in a situation where you will have to talk and likely explain your reason for not wanting to be together all over again. It could be kind for you to talk to him if you believe that you will be able to talk straight and be heard without having any old wounds open up as a result.

If you are not up for or interested in having that chat, donate it. Your idea of giving it to a children’s hospital is perfect. The bear was offered to you with love, and those children need every ounce of love they can get. You will be honoring his gift even though you will not be keeping it.

FYI: My husband bought a giant bear for my daughter a few years ago, and it wasn’t that expensive. Even the big ones come in different prices. Don’t let your guilty feelings about your ex spending money on you keep you from taking care of yourself.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am sober since a near-death experience with alcohol poisoning. I have learned to cope without a drink or shots at the bar; however, I have learned that people question my sobriety behind my back. I hate these rumors swirling, considering they aren't true. Should I confront the perpetrators of the rumor, or simply take the high road? -- Sober Sally, Dallas

DEAR SOBER SALLY: One of the side effects of stopping drinking (or any other communal habit) and still hanging with people who do it is that people will talk. You cannot control their chatter, nor should you try. What you must do instead is guard your sobriety. Even though you are strong right now, you may want to consider fortifying yourself by going to Alcoholics Anonymous meetings, at least for a while. You can gain insight into why people do the things they do with excessive drinking, and learn strategies for how to stay sober in the long run. These meetings are confidential, and many people have testified to their immediate and ongoing support in keeping them sober. Go to aa.org to find a meeting in your area.

One of the things that 12-step programs suggest is that you be aware of people, places and things. I mention this because your hanging out at bars with your friends could be dangerous in the long run. You may want to consider choosing more neutral locations to get together with them, as you also consider widening your friend pool. Find some sober friends to be part of your inner circle.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: This past election spurred me to get involved in government. I have gone to town hall meetings, but I feel as though I am not doing enough. I want to seriously influence changes in my community and state. How can I finally make my voice loudly heard so I can see some changes? I can't quit my job to become a full-time politician. -- Riled Up, Jackson, Mississippi

DEAR RILED UP: If there is one good thing that came of the most recent presidential election, it is that many people have awakened to the political process, and apathy is waning. We all need to pay attention to what’s happening in our cities, states and nation.

Not everyone is called to full-time political office. What you may not know is that there are many elected and non-elected formal roles that people can take while keeping their full-time jobs.

Getting involved in local politics does start by attending the meetings. Beyond that, you can run for a range of roles, from member of the school board to alderman to city council. You can volunteer for a political campaign of another candidate and agree to canvass neighborhoods on weekends to get the message out in advance of coming elections. You can also write and call your local and national elected officials on a regular basis to make your opinions known. This is a simple step that has been in place for many years and can help officials to be clear on the convictions of their constituents.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I don't want my teenage children going to the marches and protests taking place in my city. These marches are for causes I support, like women's rights, the environment and raising the minimum wage. But these marches can get dangerous and almost always have a police presence. Also, I am not sure how much of a positive impact they end up having in the long run. How can I ensure that my teenagers are in school and not out on the street with signs? -- Skipping School, New York City

DEAR SKIPPING SCHOOL: I want to encourage you to rethink your position. The fact that your teenage children want to be involved in the political process and speak up about their thoughts is a good thing. It will encourage active participation in the voting process when they come of age. Of course you want them to be safe. A different approach might be to offer to go with them, letting them know that you want to protect them from harm. You can also give them instructions on how to be in a crowd, including not pushing their way into a crush of people where it can get dangerous, even when people are well meaning. You can find out from their school if any organized or chaperoned efforts are being considered as these protests pop up.

Reality says you may not be able to prevent them from going. What you want to avoid is having them lie to you. Then you really won’t be able to protect them. I recommend that you keep the dialogue open, talk about safety and possibly even become their chaperone.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)