DEAR HARRIETTE: As an early Valentine's Day present, my ex-boyfriend left a 6-foot-tall teddy bear at my front door. An oversized card was attached along with the bear. There is no possibility of a reunion between us, and I am stuck with this gigantic stuffed animal. Should I offer it back to him? I was thinking about donating it to a children’s hospital, but this bear must have cost hundreds of dollars. -- Can't Bear It, Milwaukee

DEAR CAN’T BEAR IT: If you feel like having a conversation with your ex, you can offer him back the bear. Thank him for it, but say that you cannot keep it. Know that you will be putting yourself in a situation where you will have to talk and likely explain your reason for not wanting to be together all over again. It could be kind for you to talk to him if you believe that you will be able to talk straight and be heard without having any old wounds open up as a result.

If you are not up for or interested in having that chat, donate it. Your idea of giving it to a children’s hospital is perfect. The bear was offered to you with love, and those children need every ounce of love they can get. You will be honoring his gift even though you will not be keeping it.

FYI: My husband bought a giant bear for my daughter a few years ago, and it wasn’t that expensive. Even the big ones come in different prices. Don’t let your guilty feelings about your ex spending money on you keep you from taking care of yourself.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am sober since a near-death experience with alcohol poisoning. I have learned to cope without a drink or shots at the bar; however, I have learned that people question my sobriety behind my back. I hate these rumors swirling, considering they aren't true. Should I confront the perpetrators of the rumor, or simply take the high road? -- Sober Sally, Dallas

DEAR SOBER SALLY: One of the side effects of stopping drinking (or any other communal habit) and still hanging with people who do it is that people will talk. You cannot control their chatter, nor should you try. What you must do instead is guard your sobriety. Even though you are strong right now, you may want to consider fortifying yourself by going to Alcoholics Anonymous meetings, at least for a while. You can gain insight into why people do the things they do with excessive drinking, and learn strategies for how to stay sober in the long run. These meetings are confidential, and many people have testified to their immediate and ongoing support in keeping them sober. Go to aa.org to find a meeting in your area.

One of the things that 12-step programs suggest is that you be aware of people, places and things. I mention this because your hanging out at bars with your friends could be dangerous in the long run. You may want to consider choosing more neutral locations to get together with them, as you also consider widening your friend pool. Find some sober friends to be part of your inner circle.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: This past election spurred me to get involved in government. I have gone to town hall meetings, but I feel as though I am not doing enough. I want to seriously influence changes in my community and state. How can I finally make my voice loudly heard so I can see some changes? I can't quit my job to become a full-time politician. -- Riled Up, Jackson, Mississippi

DEAR RILED UP: If there is one good thing that came of the most recent presidential election, it is that many people have awakened to the political process, and apathy is waning. We all need to pay attention to what’s happening in our cities, states and nation.

Not everyone is called to full-time political office. What you may not know is that there are many elected and non-elected formal roles that people can take while keeping their full-time jobs.

Getting involved in local politics does start by attending the meetings. Beyond that, you can run for a range of roles, from member of the school board to alderman to city council. You can volunteer for a political campaign of another candidate and agree to canvass neighborhoods on weekends to get the message out in advance of coming elections. You can also write and call your local and national elected officials on a regular basis to make your opinions known. This is a simple step that has been in place for many years and can help officials to be clear on the convictions of their constituents.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I don't want my teenage children going to the marches and protests taking place in my city. These marches are for causes I support, like women's rights, the environment and raising the minimum wage. But these marches can get dangerous and almost always have a police presence. Also, I am not sure how much of a positive impact they end up having in the long run. How can I ensure that my teenagers are in school and not out on the street with signs? -- Skipping School, New York City

DEAR SKIPPING SCHOOL: I want to encourage you to rethink your position. The fact that your teenage children want to be involved in the political process and speak up about their thoughts is a good thing. It will encourage active participation in the voting process when they come of age. Of course you want them to be safe. A different approach might be to offer to go with them, letting them know that you want to protect them from harm. You can also give them instructions on how to be in a crowd, including not pushing their way into a crush of people where it can get dangerous, even when people are well meaning. You can find out from their school if any organized or chaperoned efforts are being considered as these protests pop up.

Reality says you may not be able to prevent them from going. What you want to avoid is having them lie to you. Then you really won’t be able to protect them. I recommend that you keep the dialogue open, talk about safety and possibly even become their chaperone.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: Last year, I felt my friend "Marlo" distancing herself from me. I would constantly try to reach out to her, but we would spend time together infrequently. I stopped reaching out, and have heard radio silence.

Another friend stopped reaching out to Marlo at the same time, and confronted her about not wanting to be friends with us. Marlo was shocked and claims she had no idea she was acting this way. Is it possible to forget about your friends for months? -- Two-Way Street, Seattle

DEAR TWO-WAY STREET: I wonder if something is going on with Marlo that she is hiding. Before you give up on her entirely, reach out one more time, and attempt to get her to meet you face-to-face. Be a good listener and gentle questioner. Do your best to find out what’s going on in her life. On a good news track, it could be that she has a new suitor and is preoccupied. It could also be that she is overwhelmed at work, recently unemployed or facing a health scare.

One of my closest friends became reclusive for several years. While I talked to her regularly on the phone, she always seemed to bow out of face-to-face encounters, even though we were very close. I got really mad at her a couple of times when she stood me up for activities. When I finally got to see her, I discovered that she was very ill. She had kept this from everyone, including her family and closest friends. Sometimes people hide from the ones they love when they need their friends the most. Don’t give up on Marlo yet.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been sick for the past week, and I haven't been able to come into work to complete projects. My days off were spent sleeping for about 18 hours and relaxing as best as I could.

Now that I am healthier, I realize I neglected a group project I had been working on. My boss knew I was out sick, but I did not make an effort to communicate to the group. How do I reach out to my group and apologize? Is an apology even necessary considering I have a valid excuse? -- “I” in Team, Boston

DEAR “I” IN TEAM: Being legitimately ill is real. Of course, you should apologize for not being there when your team needed you. Let them know that you are sorry you were unable to do your part in the group project. Without belaboring your illness, let them know that you were so sick that you did not even have the presence of mind to contact them. Thank them for pulling up the slack, and jump back in. Find out what work is left to do as well as what they are working on now. Do your best to focus your energy so that you can do your best as you transition back into the office.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)